• Cynthia King posted an update 4 years ago

    well, you can’t re-write history, can you? The past thirty years just went by so quickly, a lot of my behavior was just reactionary. Things came up, I would try to involve my husband, it was just whoever blinked first. He would do everything he could to delay and obfuscate any issue. I did blink first. I had to. He threw every road block he could to avoid a decision, so I acted. But afterwards he would dissect the situation and take inventory about how I miss handle it. So since he wasn’t going to be involved I stopped talking about things. The only time I truly went to him on my knees because I overextended things financially, and he said he didn’t want to know. Basically, it was my fault because I never said no to the kids, so my hole my problem. And I fixed it all by myself. But now I feel like the little red hen. Who is going to help pay for her braces? Not I said the husband. Who is going to help pay for her glasses? Not I said the husband. Who’s going to help me pay the mortgage? Not I said the husband. So here I am. I supported a family of four. If I did it all by myself it was my own fault. But I decided now that two are gone it’s Everyman for Himself. My daughter and I are planning to visit family out on the west coast this spring, and he’ll say what about me? You’re not going to pay for my plane ticket? I know he thinks because I have ms he automatically gets to go, and I’ll pay for him because I,ll be too scared to go without him. Well it took me 30 years to learn this, but this it’s time it’s the little red hens turn to say not I.

    • Sounds like you’ve become a tough chicken, Cynthia. I hope all goes well for you. We’re always here if you have MS things you want to talk about.

      Ed

      • Yeah, I used to be proud that I was a tough cookie, that I was the go-to girl if you wanted results. I just wish it didn’t make me so hard. I wish I was a mother whose loving arms you could come to and rest your head, and I would pat your shoulder and say there, there, it will be alright. But I was afraid things would go soft if I did. I was afraid I would promise things that I couldn’t deliver. So I soldiered on. But I take responsibility in the fact that I did what I did for good reasons at the time. And the good reason that I would run out of time, that ms would rob me and there would be nothing left but an empty shell. Well I was wrong. MS has robbed me, and a whole bunch of other people, of futures we thought we deserved. But hey, it’s the future, and I’m still here. And I’m not an empty shell. Who ends up where they thought they’d be when they’re twenty, anyway.

    • I know how life happens and reacting to each issue is all you have time to do sometimes. I really hope he listens when you share your feelings and realizes the stress this can put on your MS! Good luck to you, Cynthia! Keep us posted .🙂

      • Cynthia…
        …If there is one thing I have now learnt in all my 67 years…and believe you me, I have learnt this the hard way…is to ” look after number one, as who else is going to do it…”

        …It is time to look after YOU…

        Jackie…

        • Thanks. Sounds like you graduated from MS university, too. Some lessons are harder to learn than others, but taking care of yourself is number one. Maybe I avoided taking care of myself by focusing on everyone else. I have never just dumped my feelings out in one fell swoop like these posts. So thanks. I feel better already.

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