Carolyn Cannistraro opens up about life with multiple sclerosis, from hiding her symptoms on Wall Street to racing marathons with Achilles International. She reflects on resilience, reinvention, and the power of going all in.
Transcript
My name is Carolyn Cannistraro. I was in college. Looking forward to my future, looking forward to graduating and getting out into the world and starting my life.
It was on a Friday night before I was in a performance of Handel’s “Messiah,” and my neurologist called me on the phone. He said, “You have a minute?” I said, “Sure.” He said, “I just want to let you know that you have multiple sclerosis.”
I remember, you know, I had the phone in one hand and I was thinking to myself, “Wow, I have to perform tonight. How am I going to do that?” And I just remember the show had to go on, and that’s kind of how I live my life. The show always had to go on. But I didn’t realize my diagnosis of MS was going to be my ultimate challenge.
It was not a topic of conversation. I didn’t discuss it. And one of the beautiful things about having MS is that sometimes the symptoms can be invisible. So I was on Wall Street in Manhattan for many, many years. Two high-powered, renowned Wall Street firms. I was very masterful in managing my gait. I couldn’t feel with my hands. But I was very masterful — I had strength, so I could always write. So I was masterful in looking good. And I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to be judged and evaluated on my performance.
So after almost 15 years of keeping it private, I changed companies and I had some challenges in my walking. I needed some accommodations. I needed to have my desk near my file cabinet. I needed to have my copier near my desk, a certain height, a certain distance. So I had to make requests, which is not something I was comfortable doing at all.
So before I got the position, I actually spoke to the director and the HR team and I said, “Look, I need to share something with you.” As it turns out, they said, “That’s why we’re hiring you, because that’s your greatest asset. Because of the adversity that you deal with day in and day out that nobody knows about. We want this position for you. We want you on our team, and we want you to be with our firm.”
I never liked running. Running was the thing we did when we played soccer or softball, basketball and we lost a game. We ran laps. So running was a punishment.
I had a friend who ran marathons — this was several years later — who said, “You know, you could do a marathon if you want.” And I thought, “Why would I want to do that?” He said, “Well, if you ever want to do it, it’s possible. There’s an organization that could support you with that.”
So as the years passed, I watched him do his racing and I’m like, hm … I’m kind of a daredevil. So give me something that you tell me I can’t do or I can do, and I’ll do it and I’ll beat everyone.
So I took that on as a personal challenge, and I became a part of Achilles International, which is the organization. Its mission really is to take people with physical challenges and match them up with able-bodied athletes, really, and have those two communities come together to support and empower anyone with a disability to do any type of athletic sport.
So I went to my first meeting, and it was in Central Park in New York. I just showed up. Where I was coming from, what did I have to lose? You know, I was sort of very isolated on my own. I didn’t feel part of any community, and I really felt like I came home.
And I trained. I did a couple of 5K races. I did the Hope & Possibility race in Central Park, and I said, “You know, maybe I will do this marathon thing.” Because I figure if I can walk 26.2 miles, I can prove to myself and everybody anything’s possible.
And I had a conversation with New York Road Runners, and I talked with Joe, and he’s like, “Have you thought about using a hand cycle?” I always loved my little tricycle when I was a kid, with the bells and the bow and a little basket. I said, “This is going to be just like that.”
And before I knew it, it was race day. I had two guides — and that’s how Achilles works. You have one or two guides with you to keep your space. And after 26.2 miles, I thought to myself, “I could do this again and again and again.”
And it was really just not only the triumph of crossing the finish line — and I love that metaphor, and I use it a lot — but the triumph of I never thought I could do it as someone who didn’t have MS.
But there’s something to having the gift of a diagnosis or the gift of some sort of a physical limitation, mental limitation, where your world gets colored, where this filter of anything is possible. I had it — like, I can do the impossible. Tell me something I can’t do. Show me something that seems so outrageous. And let me address it. Let me confront it. Let me create a victory around it.
I’m at a point in my life where I really want to share my story and really let people know — whether it’s MS, whether it’s asthma, whether you’re just shy — whatever you’re dealing with, there’s a solution. There’s an opportunity. There’s a gift in there. And it’s not just about the victory. It’s really about getting up every day, putting my feet on the ground, saying, “I can live my life.”
I just wanted to do the races because I knew this was race season — you know, from February through the summer. And I just said, “Let me just sign up for everything that’s available.” And when I saw my schedule, I thought, “Oh goodness.” And I said, “You know what? I’m going to make the best of it. I’m going to get out there. It’s a beautiful day. It’s a beautiful spring season that we’re in.”
And just to monitor myself if I feel I’m exhausted or overtired, make some different choices, get some different accommodations. And just get out there and have fun. I mean, that’s really been my biggest message.
I definitely would love to do the marathon again this year. Would love to do the Boston Marathon. Would love to do the Chicago Marathon. Would love to do an international marathon, like a London Marathon. This way, I can get some international travel in — which I’d love to do, which I’m afraid to do by myself.
There’s only all in as an option for me. There’s no plan B. There’s no plan C2. It’s all in. Embrace life and go for it. And that’s what I’m here to communicate. That’s why I want to be an inspiration for other people — to take that leap of faith, if you will, with yourself, and get out there and just create your dreams — because it’s never too late for that.
