Columns

Between my tours with the Army, a new course was added to the curriculum for me to teach — a two-week basic combat skills course for support personnel. The logic was that if a mechanic or cook attached to a special forces team overseas ever had to do something outside…

Every year, warmer weather arrives with a collective exhale as people spend more time outdoors, enjoying sunlight that stretches into the evening and patio dinners. But for me, living with multiple sclerosis (MS), the arrival of summer lands more like a quiet tightening in my chest. I find myself…

I was supposed to have my first colonoscopy this week. I’m at that age when it’s recommended that you have one regularly, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know it was coming. Prepared doesn’t mean excited, though, so I can’t say that I was too upset when it was…

Living with multiple sclerosis has taught me that some of the hardest symptoms to explain are the ones no one else can see. For me, one of those is itchiness. Not the kind that comes from dry skin or a mosquito bite, but something deeper, more unsettling. It…

I don’t remember much about the support group meeting that changed everything. I don’t remember the facilitator’s name, the other people’s faces, how long we sat there, or what anyone actually said. What I remember is the moment, somewhere in the middle of someone else’s story, when I looked around…

When I began this column about living with multiple sclerosis (MS) nearly four years ago, I worried about sharing good things in my life and about comparing my situation with that of others. It made me feel guilty. After writing about it, though, the feedback I received from…

If I sit for over three minutes, it takes almost that long to regain movement in my legs when I stand. Even then, my limbs must fight the relentless pressure of immobility. Focused therapies, such as the Portable Neuromodulation Stimulator, have given me back years of lost function.

I have written about how much I enjoyed helping my grandma tend to her garden as a child, in the years before I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis. She instilled in me a great love for plants and for being outdoors. But with multiple sclerosis (MS)…

I had never known anyone personally who had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Walking my husband, Rhead, through those doors was one of the strangest moments of my life — not strange in a dramatic way, but strange in the quiet, disorienting way of realizing your life has become…

I would say that no one grows up telling themselves that they can’t wait to get their first minivan, but that’s probably just my opinion. I will allow for the possibility that some people have thought that exact thing, but I never did. As I imagine is the case for…

As I write this, the April showers that bring May flowers have brought forth a string of gloomy days here in central Texas. During days like these, I cannot help but be reminded of my grandma, who passed away about a year ago after a battle with dementia. I remember…

I was outside with my youngest child, who was only a few months old, strapped to my back while doing yard work, housework, and everything else, while my husband, Rhead, lay on the couch inside. This had been going on for a couple of years by then. Slowly, without a…

I had the recent honor of attending our nephew’s graduation from Marine Corps basic training. The ceremony on the parade field, along with the events of the previous day, were as stirring as one might imagine, but I think what struck me most was the changes I saw in my…

Until my relapse last summer, multiple sclerosis (MS) hadn’t really affected my daily life in nine years, so the recent MS Awareness Month made me pause. Living with the disease sometimes at the forefront and sometimes in the background has shown me how much the meaning of “awareness”…

Not long ago, while the family was all together in the car, a squirrel ran into the road in front of us. It froze for a couple seconds, then darted one way, and then another, before finally choosing a direction. Fortunately, it turned out to be the right direction. Watching…

There’s a bin of laundry in my car. It’s been there for days, but I keep putting off carrying it upstairs. My dryer is broken. It’s not a crisis, but it’s certainly inconvenient. It means I have to make a weekly trip to do laundry instead of running a load…

It’s definitely dark and maybe even disturbing, but a book I have always enjoyed is Thomas Harris’ “The Silence of the Lambs.” If you’re unfamiliar with either the book or the movie, you’ve either been living a sheltered life or you need to find someone whose birth year starts with…

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a chronic neurological condition wherein the immune system attacks the protective covering of nerves. This clinical definition accurately portrays the medical reality, but it doesn’t encapsulate the lived reality. It doesn’t account for the ways in which fatigue can feel like gravity doubling overnight…

In the not-too-distant past, when my hands were still deft enough to use tools, I really enjoyed working on vehicles. The fact that they weren’t vehicles I depended on every day helped make it a hobby I enjoyed, rather than a chore. Like any hobby, it had its dull moments,…

Dealing with multiple sclerosis (MS) — including the numerous symptoms that manifest differently for each person, the grief, and the uncertainty — is grueling. On top of all that, there’s the added challenge of navigating the American healthcare system. As I have written before, I’ve dealt with migraines…

It’s been a few years since I’ve traveled in an airplane. Flying commercially when you depend on a wheelchair for locomotion is apparently quite the nightmare. Between that and all the accessories I travel with, as long as the distance is reasonable, I’d rather just drive. The fact that…

Living with multiple sclerosis (MS) is often described in medical terms — lesions, relapses, progression curves, and other jargon — that don’t always register in my mind. But a diagnosis is also associated with grief, a quieter and oftentimes silent reality that doesn’t hit all at once, but…

About 1 million people in the U.S. live with multiple sclerosis (MS). When I first heard that number, it felt like a cold statistic; today, it feels like a community. While MS has redrawn the boundaries of my physical world, it has failed to shrink the borders of…

Growing up, athleticism was part of my identity. To a degree, I measured myself by what I was physically capable of doing. I was constantly driven to test my limits, always aiming for higher, stronger, and more daring. I’m still in awe at what the human body is capable of.

I wasn’t addicted to coffee. But my body was. As someone living well with multiple sclerosis, how I fuel my body matters to me — more than I sometimes realize. I didn’t fully appreciate how caffeine was affecting me until, by chance, I skipped it for two days. That…

I don’t have any tattoos. I’ve never been opposed to the idea, but for most of my life, I’ve never found the perfect one to permanently put on my body. Since then, I’ve seen several things I consider tattoo-worthy, but two of them would be most appropriate on my back.

Bladder issues are one of those symptoms of multiple sclerosis (MS) that nobody really prepares you for. People often talk about mobility problems, fatigue, or vision changes — not the sudden, urgent need to find a bathroom or the constant awareness of the one closest to you. They don’t…

Several (OK, many) years ago, I was having lunch with a group of fellow Green Berets when a news story appeared on the TV. The report covered a recent tragedy, and during an interview with a survivor, it was mentioned that one of the victims had not survived because they…

When I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS) at 16, it was loud. My symptoms were significant; the fatigue ended my athletic drive, the searing nerve pain left me grinding my teeth constantly, and I experienced a period of being legally blind. MS didn’t politely…

Like many of my peers in the military, I developed the ability to fall asleep in any position or place and at any time that I wasn’t actively engaged in something. On one occasion, during a particularly loud and turbulent flight, I managed to stay awake just long enough to…