Columns

Following every training exercise and mission I was ever a part of in the military, participants gathered to conduct an After-Action Review (AAR). Although the process has been formalized in the U.S. military, soldiers have probably been doing something similar for millennia, and it’s certainly not limited to that profession.

The family joke is that Mom pulls everyone out of school and work for an entire day, twice a year, just so we don’t get dental work. I like my dentists conservative and careful. That is what functional, biological dentistry is all about, and this integrative physician and mom who…

It’s been my routine over the last decade to have blood panels drawn about four times a year. Each time, I’m warned just before the needle enters my arm that I’m about to be stuck. Occasionally, though, the warning is framed as an analogy. A common one is to compare…

For many people, summer is synonymous with freedom. It’s the season of beach vacations, backyard barbecues, outdoor concerts, and long evenings spent soaking up every last ray of sunshine. Social media is filled with pictures of pool days and tropical getaways, making it seem like everyone is eager to spend…

There is a role no one warns you about when you become a caregiver. You become the place where everyone else sets down their pain. When my husband, Rhead, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), I expected the practical work of appointments, medications, and endless logistics. What…

I didn’t see the movie “Aliens” when it came out in theaters 40 years ago because it was rated R and I was only 11. When I finally did see it, it became one of my favorite science fiction films, and I still occasionally watch it. With the plot, action,…

The most dreaded part of my year has arrived yet again: MRI time. Since I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) in 2016, I have undergone at least one MRI every year to monitor my disease and evaluate the efficacy of my disease-modifying therapy. Although I…

Recently, after I shared some of the harder parts of caring for my husband, Rhead, a stranger left a comment on a recent column implying that I was simply monetizing his multiple sclerosis (MS) — that by telling my story publicly, I was profiting off his illness. I…

I underwent cognitive testing in May, and it was extremely thorough and more involved than I expected. I saw the notes on the Veterans Affairs (VA) healthcare website soon after, but the psychologist called me to discuss them in depth last month. I breathed a sigh of relief when…

I used to think the disease itself would be the hardest thing I’d face as a caregiver. I was wrong. Some days, the heaviest weight isn’t my husband’s illness at all. It’s the people around us who refuse to believe it’s real. My husband, Rhead, was diagnosed with progressive…

As my disability from multiple sclerosis (MS) increases, so does my reliance on tools to assist me. Some are relatively simple mechanical devices like adaptive silverware, gloves that help me straighten my fingers, and a bed rail that eases transfers. Others are a bit more complicated, like the powered…

One of the hardest parts of living with chronic illness is being misunderstood in moments when I have the least energy to explain myself. With multiple sclerosis (MS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), sometimes my heart rate skyrockets, my body overheats, my energy drops, my nervous system…

Raised by a single mom, I always knew I had someone in my corner, encouraging my wildest dreams, while supporting me through my journey with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS). For as long as I can remember, I’ve been driven by a desire to challenge myself and embrace new…

Not long ago, I listened to a therapist who works closely with caregiver spouses say something that stopped me cold. Whether the person who is diagnosed means to or not, she explained, the spouse caring for them can sometimes end up in a relationship that has become emotionally abusive. She…

One of the most exhausting parts of living with multiple sclerosis (MS) isn’t always the symptoms themselves. Sometimes, it’s the constant guessing game. Every ache, twinge, headache, moment of fatigue, or lapse in memory can send me down a mental rabbit hole. Is this MS? Am I experiencing a…

They say drowning is quieter than people expect. It rarely looks like the thrashing and shouting we picture from movies. More often it is silent, and the people standing right there don’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late. Lately, I’ve come to understand that caregiving can feel the same…

On June 17, 2006 — 20 years ago yesterday — I had my closest call as a Special Forces medic, and the first mass casualty situation I was ever involved in. Sometime afterward, a teammate observed, “You didn’t even hesitate! You just ran out on the street and did first-aid…

Dear multiple sclerosis (MS): I never asked for you. You arrived quietly, starting when I was 17. It wasn’t like a storm at first. You were more like a snowflake: small, unique, and almost easy to dismiss. They call you a “snowflake disease,” and my condition is definitely…

Even with my husband, Rhead, living in an assisted-living facility, there are so many hard days when I become somewhat of a punching bag. One visit, he is light and funny, the version of him I fell in love with, and the next, he can turn sharp and far away,…

Many people tend to associate post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with military service. While the military may provide ample opportunities for exposure to a traumatic event, it by no means has a monopoly on the disorder. Trauma can be caused by many other situations, including terrifying or stressful medical experiences. Examples…

Because multiple sclerosis (MS) is so unpredictable, many of us experience a silent battle of grieving what was, while simultaneously navigating what will become of our lives. It might seem to an outsider that the sorrow comes from mourning only the loss of major milestones, but we also deal…

It’s taken me three months to have enough distance and perspective to tell you about my once-in-a-lifetime trip that didn’t happen. I was all set to visit a favorite relative in Rome, with plans to stay in the dormitory of a 17th-century church with nuns. It was my first trip…

I am attending the annual meeting of the Consortium of Multiple Sclerosis Centers (CMSC) this week, my second time here. Like my first time, in 2024, I’m going as a member of the multiple sclerosis (MS) committee of the Paralyzed Veterans of America. Back then, I thought all…

During my sophomore year of high school, my class schedule was changed against my wishes, resulting in me having to enroll in a theater class for the semester. Although I had dabbled in choir during middle school, band was where my heart resided. I had no interest in pursuing other…

The first night after my husband, Rhead, moved into an assisted living facility, I stood in our kitchen and listened to how quiet the house was. Our six kids were asleep, the dog was asleep, and I was alone with a silence I hadn’t heard in years and didn’t know…

In a column I wrote a couple years ago, I noted that, despite my fascination with the subject of psychology, I have only an amateur understanding of it. We can add artificial intelligence (AI) to the long list of things I’m not an expert on. I know what it is…

Dear family and friends, Over the years, I have wondered how my diagnosis of relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis has impacted your worlds, as well. Just as I am unable to convey the impact of its collision with the life as I once knew, I imagine those words don’t necessarily come…

By now, I’ve spent at least 70 hours inside an MRI machine. That’s three days of my life spent lying perfectly still while magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) searched my brain, spine, and joints for answers related to my multiple sclerosis (MS). At 16, the experience felt terrifying.

For years after my husband, Rhead, was diagnosed with progressive multiple sclerosis in 2019, I was working two full-time jobs, raising our six children, and caregiving for him around the clock. I kept telling myself I was managing, because the alternative was unthinkable. I had to be managing. Someone…

I have a bad habit. OK, several, but I’m only going to address one of them today. I tend to have a lot of imaginary debates or arguments in my head where I anticipate another person’s points, counterpoints, and questions to craft a perfect response. It isn’t an entirely bad…