Columns

I underwent cognitive testing in May, and it was extremely thorough and more involved than I expected. I saw the notes on the Veterans Affairs (VA) healthcare website soon after, but the psychologist called me to discuss them in depth last month. I breathed a sigh of relief when…

I used to think the disease itself would be the hardest thing I’d face as a caregiver. I was wrong. Some days, the heaviest weight isn’t my husband’s illness at all. It’s the people around us who refuse to believe it’s real. My husband, Rhead, was diagnosed with progressive…

As my disability from multiple sclerosis (MS) increases, so does my reliance on tools to assist me. Some are relatively simple mechanical devices like adaptive silverware, gloves that help me straighten my fingers, and a bed rail that eases transfers. Others are a bit more complicated, like the powered…

One of the hardest parts of living with chronic illness is being misunderstood in moments when I have the least energy to explain myself. With multiple sclerosis (MS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), sometimes my heart rate skyrockets, my body overheats, my energy drops, my nervous system…

Raised by a single mom, I always knew I had someone in my corner, encouraging my wildest dreams, while supporting me through my journey with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS). For as long as I can remember, I’ve been driven by a desire to challenge myself and embrace new…

Not long ago, I listened to a therapist who works closely with caregiver spouses say something that stopped me cold. Whether the person who is diagnosed means to or not, she explained, the spouse caring for them can sometimes end up in a relationship that has become emotionally abusive. She…

One of the most exhausting parts of living with multiple sclerosis (MS) isn’t always the symptoms themselves. Sometimes, it’s the constant guessing game. Every ache, twinge, headache, moment of fatigue, or lapse in memory can send me down a mental rabbit hole. Is this MS? Am I experiencing a…

They say drowning is quieter than people expect. It rarely looks like the thrashing and shouting we picture from movies. More often it is silent, and the people standing right there don’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late. Lately, I’ve come to understand that caregiving can feel the same…

On June 17, 2006 — 20 years ago yesterday — I had my closest call as a Special Forces medic, and the first mass casualty situation I was ever involved in. Sometime afterward, a teammate observed, “You didn’t even hesitate! You just ran out on the street and did first-aid…

Dear multiple sclerosis (MS): I never asked for you. You arrived quietly, starting when I was 17. It wasn’t like a storm at first. You were more like a snowflake: small, unique, and almost easy to dismiss. They call you a “snowflake disease,” and my condition is definitely…

Even with my husband, Rhead, living in an assisted-living facility, there are so many hard days when I become somewhat of a punching bag. One visit, he is light and funny, the version of him I fell in love with, and the next, he can turn sharp and far away,…

Many people tend to associate post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with military service. While the military may provide ample opportunities for exposure to a traumatic event, it by no means has a monopoly on the disorder. Trauma can be caused by many other situations, including terrifying or stressful medical experiences. Examples…

Because multiple sclerosis (MS) is so unpredictable, many of us experience a silent battle of grieving what was, while simultaneously navigating what will become of our lives. It might seem to an outsider that the sorrow comes from mourning only the loss of major milestones, but we also deal…

It’s taken me three months to have enough distance and perspective to tell you about my once-in-a-lifetime trip that didn’t happen. I was all set to visit a favorite relative in Rome, with plans to stay in the dormitory of a 17th-century church with nuns. It was my first trip…

I am attending the annual meeting of the Consortium of Multiple Sclerosis Centers (CMSC) this week, my second time here. Like my first time, in 2024, I’m going as a member of the multiple sclerosis (MS) committee of the Paralyzed Veterans of America. Back then, I thought all…

During my sophomore year of high school, my class schedule was changed against my wishes, resulting in me having to enroll in a theater class for the semester. Although I had dabbled in choir during middle school, band was where my heart resided. I had no interest in pursuing other…

The first night after my husband, Rhead, moved into an assisted living facility, I stood in our kitchen and listened to how quiet the house was. Our six kids were asleep, the dog was asleep, and I was alone with a silence I hadn’t heard in years and didn’t know…

In a column I wrote a couple years ago, I noted that, despite my fascination with the subject of psychology, I have only an amateur understanding of it. We can add artificial intelligence (AI) to the long list of things I’m not an expert on. I know what it is…

Dear family and friends, Over the years, I have wondered how my diagnosis of relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis has impacted your worlds, as well. Just as I am unable to convey the impact of its collision with the life as I once knew, I imagine those words don’t necessarily come…

By now, I’ve spent at least 70 hours inside an MRI machine. That’s three days of my life spent lying perfectly still while magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) searched my brain, spine, and joints for answers related to my multiple sclerosis (MS). At 16, the experience felt terrifying.

For years after my husband, Rhead, was diagnosed with progressive multiple sclerosis in 2019, I was working two full-time jobs, raising our six children, and caregiving for him around the clock. I kept telling myself I was managing, because the alternative was unthinkable. I had to be managing. Someone…

I have a bad habit. OK, several, but I’m only going to address one of them today. I tend to have a lot of imaginary debates or arguments in my head where I anticipate another person’s points, counterpoints, and questions to craft a perfect response. It isn’t an entirely bad…

Between my tours with the Army, a new course was added to the curriculum for me to teach — a two-week basic combat skills course for support personnel. The logic was that if a mechanic or cook attached to a special forces team overseas ever had to do something outside…

Every year, warmer weather arrives with a collective exhale as people spend more time outdoors, enjoying sunlight that stretches into the evening and patio dinners. But for me, living with multiple sclerosis (MS), the arrival of summer lands more like a quiet tightening in my chest. I find myself…

I was supposed to have my first colonoscopy this week. I’m at that age when it’s recommended that you have one regularly, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know it was coming. Prepared doesn’t mean excited, though, so I can’t say that I was too upset when it was…

Living with multiple sclerosis has taught me that some of the hardest symptoms to explain are the ones no one else can see. For me, one of those is itchiness. Not the kind that comes from dry skin or a mosquito bite, but something deeper, more unsettling. It…

I don’t remember much about the support group meeting that changed everything. I don’t remember the facilitator’s name, the other people’s faces, how long we sat there, or what anyone actually said. What I remember is the moment, somewhere in the middle of someone else’s story, when I looked around…

When I began this column about living with multiple sclerosis (MS) nearly four years ago, I worried about sharing good things in my life and about comparing my situation with that of others. It made me feel guilty. After writing about it, though, the feedback I received from…

If I sit for over three minutes, it takes almost that long to regain movement in my legs when I stand. Even then, my limbs must fight the relentless pressure of immobility. Focused therapies, such as the Portable Neuromodulation Stimulator, have given me back years of lost function.

I have written about how much I enjoyed helping my grandma tend to her garden as a child, in the years before I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis. She instilled in me a great love for plants and for being outdoors. But with multiple sclerosis (MS)…