What I didn’t realize she was doing for me and my MS

My youngest child is home from college for the summer. She had a fantastic freshman year, or as I tell others, “She’s living her best life.”

I missed her this past year in so many ways. She never went through the “bad” teenage years. She actually enjoys spending time with her mother. I feel extremely lucky to have such a wonderful daughter; she’s always been caring and thoughtful, with a strong desire to help others.

I tried to shield my children from my illness, multiple sclerosis (MS). No matter how tired I was because of my MS, I always showed up for of their events — baseball games, soccer games, football games, softball games, swim meets, band concerts, awards ceremonies, and everything else. It was a challenge, but I don’t regret any of it. I also tried not to let my children serve in a caregiver role. I didn’t want to be a burden or let my MS interfere with their lives.

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How my daughter helped

I struggle to put on jewelry, including earrings, necklaces, and bracelets. I’ve lost some of the feeling and dexterity in my fingers, which makes this task extremely difficult. When my daughter was home, she frequently helped me with it. When she left for college, I lost her help and struggled with this simple task, which was frustrating and time-consuming to perform.

I did find alternate solutions, such as attaching magnetic clasps to all my necklaces, asking my husband for assistance with bracelets, and buying a pair of “neutral” earrings for my second ear piercing, which doesn’t require me to change them out depending on whether I’m wearing gold or silver.

Buttons and hooks on the back of clothing are my nemesis. The effect MS has on my hands makes this step extremely difficult. But my daughter was always the one to help.

One morning after she’d left for college, I wasn’t able to complete getting dressed for work because of the dreaded button. I took off the garment to button it before dressing again, but it wouldn’t slip over my head. My husband had left for work, so he wasn’t able to help. I was determined to wear this dress and thus wore it unbuttoned to work, where I asked a colleague to help me.

That evening, I went through my closet and buttoned or hooked all pieces of clothing while they were on a hanger. If I couldn’t then slip them over my head, they were donated.

Anytime I dropped something, my daughter always picked it up. I never asked her to do that for me, as I can pick up dropped items myself, but I never realized how much stuff I dropped because of my MS until she left for college and I was the one picking everything up.

My balance is one of my most troubling symptoms, especially when walking on uneven surfaces or in the dark. My daughter always warned me about potential pitfalls in my way. She’d always let me know if there was a curb or step coming up, holes in the ground, or a slippery surface. She’d grab my hand when going downstairs. She always noticed when I was in a situation that particularly challenged my balance, and she’d link arms with me to help.

I thought I was pretty successful at not allowing my children to serve as a caregiver for me until my daughter left for college, and then I realized all she did to assist with my daily difficulties of living with MS. These were little things that I just took for granted until she was gone.

She’s now decided to pursue a healthcare degree that involves caregiving, so I’m hopeful that her efforts for me didn’t have a negative impact on her.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.