Yara Essam shares her journey through the first year of multiple sclerosis (MS), including the emotional confusion of early symptoms, the grief of losing who she once was, and the strength she found through therapy and support. She reflects on adaptation not as defeat, but as the powerful act of creating a new version of herself.
Transcript
My name is Yara. I live in Egypt, and I was most recently diagnosed with MS. I’m coming up to a year now, and honestly, it has reshaped so many things in my life — how I approach my work, my wellness, my relationships. Even the definition of being independent has completely changed for me.
To me, MS is not really just a medical condition or a diagnosis. It’s a way of life. It’s a daily recalibration of my energy, my boundaries, how I listen to my body, and how I trust it.
I really never expected to get diagnosed with something chronic, and something that can affect just the basic functions of everyday life. So I wasn’t really just processing the physical symptoms. I was also trying to grieve the old version of myself, if that makes sense. And I feel like I was just left in the dark in this very emotional state for a really long time.
But thankfully I navigated through it with a lot of help from loved ones, with a lot of help from professionals. This is actually the point of my life when I started therapy. I had been trying to start therapy for the longest time, and there was always this barrier or something resisting me from taking that first step.
But when the MS hit, I felt like, OK, it’s no joke. And so therapy really helped me to navigate my way through that. And at the end of the day, if your mind is not healthy, if your mind is not functioning well, it will definitely have a huge toll on your physical health.
For me, mental health has become a nonnegotiable aspect of my life, and this means that when I feel tired, I ask myself, “Is this physical tiredness or mental tiredness?” As much as possible, I try to be realistic in what my output can be and should be.
And most recently, I have been prioritizing my mental health so much in saying the word no. It was such a hard thing for me to say that word before. But honestly, after this life-changing diagnosis, I’ve been practicing it regularly, I’ve gotten pretty good at it, and I think I’ve gotten to that point where I can just say no and be completely at peace of mind that whatever they think of me is none of my business.
And if they are not supporting that journey, if they’re not really advocating for my mental health in a time like this, then I don’t really want these people in my life.
You do not have to earn your rest. This is not something that is a reward that is given to you because you are productive, or because you proved yourself to anyone. You are a human being, and you don’t have to explain your fatigue. You don’t have to explain your symptoms. You don’t have to explain your mental health.
Mental health is not a luxury. It’s the foundation of everything that you are. And if this foundation is shaken, then all the dominoes are going to fall behind it. So you have to prioritize this. This is your first step.
Adaptation is not defeat. Just because you’re grieving your old self and you’re rediscovering this new self does not mean that you have been defeated. It just means that you are, you are so powerful that you manage to recreate a whole new version of yourself.
