Through the Looking Glass – a Column by Beth Shorthouse-Ullah

It’s in my nature to get a little reflective around significant dates, such as New Year’s and the changing of the seasons. I love that these occasions represent change and starting fresh. So celebrating my seventh wedding anniversary on Aug. 29 has made me rather contemplative, more so than in…

Last week, we welcomed a wonderful person into our family. My not-so-little brother got married! The wedding was beautiful — so beautiful that I couldn’t let myself feel it all in the moment. Who wants to hear the loud, ugly crier?! (I did my happy crying loudly in the ladies’…

Having grown up in the countryside, I’ve been around animals my entire life. We always had dogs and cats, and I learned how to ride horses. It was tranquil and storybook. When I left home to take a trip or attend university, I experienced a void only the animals in…

My brother is getting married in two weeks, so last weekend, I attended my future sister-in-law’s bridal shower in London. When it came to managing my relapsing-remitting MS (RRMS) on the trip, I pretty much broke every rule I live by. Surprisingly, taking risks paid off for me, which…

As anyone with chronic illness knows, leaving the house requires planning. There’s much more to think about than what’s visible, especially if you’re relying on public transport. In the days preceding last week’s appointment with my multiple sclerosis (MS) nurse, I was contemplating just how long it’d been since…

“So can you lift me up/ And turn these ashes into flames/ ‘Cause I have overcome/ More than words will ever say.” — Kate Voegele My relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) diagnosis stole my life from me. The reverberations of this unwelcome thunderbolt were astounding. Coming to terms with a…

“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” ― Gloria Steinem For as long as I can remember, my father has always had a saying: “Perfect planning prevents piss-poor performance.” Much to my husband’s frustration, though, I’m still…

“A holiday is an opportunity to journey within.” — Prabhas Last week was only my second weeklong holiday since my relapsing-remitting MS diagnosis in 2017. My husband and I have had weekend getaways here and there, mainly to visit family. Of course, COVID-19 has placed a huge restriction…

Imagine this scene: There’s a rowdy crowd of nearly 40,000 people in a rugby stadium with music blaring over the Tannoy speakers. Newfound numbness spreads throughout the majority of your body, and on top of that, you can hardly see. That was the perfect myriad of factors to elicit my…

In relapsing-remitting MS, relapses and exacerbations involve a worsening of symptoms or the appearance of new ones for 24 hours or more. My disease baseline has changed many times over the years, but has never returned to how it was before my symptoms began. I’m intrigued by how…

Like watching a scale tip up and down, I’m constantly assessing how any choices I make could affect how I feel tomorrow, or even later today. Although my multiple sclerosis was as aggressive and unstable as a hurricane in my first few years with it, I’ve found a baseline…

The thought of summer approaching both worries and excites me. I’ve always preferred the changing of seasons and fair weather to the height of a season, even before my MS diagnosis. I prefer change and the idea of starting anew, as if it might be a remedy to the…

“The carousel never stops turning.” – the TV drama “Grey’s Anatomy” At the 2019 European Patients’ Forum Congress in Brussels, which focused on patient involvement in healthcare, attendees were invited to write down a list of goals they wished to achieve in the next 12 months. After rolling my…

Without hesitation, I would say that my bladder and bowel issues have been the hardest symptoms to manage and overcome following my MS diagnosis. It comes down to one thing: the fear of having an accident in public.

There is an ongoing difference of opinion between my husband and me regarding my general outlook on life. I consider myself to be a realist, whereas he thinks I tend to err on the side of pessimism. I’m an overthinker. I’ve always felt things incredibly intensely. Interestingly, when I read…

“‘Cause I would never break your heart/ I would only rearrange/ All the other working parts will stay in place.” — Biffy Clyro, a Scottish rock band If you’ve spent any time in a hospital, you know that it never gets completely dark. There’s always a light flickering somewhere, a…

“Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.” — Lawrence Block When the world was thrown into lockdown at the dawn of COVID-19, I was already an old hand at functioning…

“Mirrors don’t lie. They only show a part of truth.” — Lara Biyuts I’ve written about how my reality feels jagged compared with actual reality. I wrote, “The woman looking back at me isn’t whom I perceive myself to be.” I’ve been pondering this recently. The realism of reality With…

“Most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you? The road is long, and in the end, the…

“I close my eyes/ Only for a moment then the moment’s gone/ All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity.” — Kansas, “Dust in the Wind”  The dark cloud of fatigue first swept through my mind toward the end of 2018. I was no stranger to physical fatigue,…

“In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix must first burn.” — Octavia E. Butler You know that feeling of waking up in a strange place, and it takes a second to remember where you are? Imagine that coupled with not being able to move from the neck…

“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming?” — James Matthew Barrie Being diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis significantly changed my perception of myself and the surrounding world. This drastic shift has been overwhelming and difficult to accept in many ways. The…

“Hey, man, I’m alive. I’m taking each day and night at a time/ I’m feeling like a Monday but someday I’ll be Saturday night.” — Bon Jovi Multiple sclerosis (MS) medications can generally be separated into two categories: disease-modifying therapies (DMTs) and those that help to manage symptoms. While…

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that is the great puzzle.” — “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,” by Lewis Carrol Jan. 9 was my 31st birthday. I remember looking outside, watching the low January sun glisten on the frosty ground as its orange haze thawed the earth. I liken this…

As I glance over at the lonesome wheelchair skulking in the shadows of my living room, I recall its arrival like it was yesterday, though it’s been more than four years. My husband, and then carer, had paraded it through the house as if it were a savior, there to…

“Shoes are the quickest way for women to achieve instant metamorphosis.” — Manolo Blahnik As the holidays approach, I’m reminded to be thankful for what I have. I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) at 26 years old, and when I became paralyzed, I thought I’d never…

“Rock bottom is the end of what wasn’t true enough. Begin again and build something Truer.” — Glennon Doyle The first of our four pregnancy losses were our twin daughters in 2013, which happened nearly halfway through my pregnancy. Three years later, the first symptoms appeared that would eventually would…

I want to help in any way I possibly can. My lonely confusion in the early days after being diagnosed with aggressive relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis was mentally and physically paralyzing. However, this column isn’t about how “Hurricane MS” battered my body. Instead, it’s about why I chose to…

The butterfly effect is an idea coined by mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz that is based on chaos theory. Lorenz pondered whether the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in one part of the world could cause a hurricane on the other side of the world. I believe this…

“You’re my summer that fades/ To these cold autumn days/ You’re my keepsake, my friend, and my fears/ You’re the strength that’s inside and I swear on my life/ I will always be there by your side.” — Amber Pacific Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I…