Turning 50 with MS feels like a new beginning

I celebrated my mid-century birthday two weeks ago with an online dance party with friends, family, and patients in “The Myelin Room” — a monthly Zoom event. At 50, I’ve officially grown up.

I no longer think of myself as a “girl.” The more dignified “woman” feels more appropriate. I’m realizing how much older I am than my teenage son’s friends — and yes, I even got a letter from AARP.

And yet, at 50, I still feel like a kid — just without the self-consciousness and awkwardness. Thanks to perimenopause, I’m saying it like it is and caring a lot less about what others think. It’s freeing. Fifty feels like full permission to step into who I truly want to be.

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Pausing to reassess

From childhood until not long ago, people-pleasing and an overabundance of empathy were my constant companions. Without doubt, that load of stress contributed to my multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis at 35. It’s not easy on a nervous system — or an immune system — to constantly worry about everyone’s “OK-ness.” In fact, I became a doctor so I could professionally worry about everyone’s “OK-ness.”

Just as my MS diagnosis 15 years ago helped me clarify what I wanted more of — and what I needed to release — turning 50 feels like another natural pause point. I’m reassessing, reevaluating, and imagining what I want the next decade to look like.

These days, I’m restructuring my clinical practice to deliver excellent care with greater efficiency. I’m cutting out commitments that don’t fill me up and redirecting that time toward my husband and three boys. I want to see my close friends more often — the gems I’ve collected since childhood. Time feels fleeting, and that realization is pushing me into action.

When I was 6, 18 seemed ancient. At 18, I thought 30-year-olds had it all figured out. At 30, I assumed turning 40 would be depressing. I was wrong every time.

Aging, it turns out, is beautiful. Each decade brings surprises and lessons. At 50, it feels easier to turn inward and choose what truly matters. The career-building hustle is behind me, and I’m finding joy in mentoring the young and hopeful. I’m spending more time in play, not only because it’s a stress buster to keep MS symptoms at bay, but because it’s just plain fun. I’m also shifting from constantly “doing” to moments of stillness and just being.

Health has taken center stage. More than ever, I know I must care for this body that has carried me through so much. I’m watching it change with curiosity, even reverence — badges of wisdom gained with age.

Yes, I’m mindful of how perimenopause might influence my MS, but I’m not afraid. I’ve learned that as long as I stay focused on what matters most and show up for myself and my family, I’ll be OK. It has taken a decade to stop fearing the unpredictable nature of MS, and that too feels liberating.

Looking ahead, I’m curious what 60, 70, and 80 will bring — what new lessons, what new joys. If I’m lucky enough to get there, I hope to greet each milestone with the same curiosity and gratitude I feel today.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.