With multiple sclerosis, it’s OK to rant sometimes
In recognition of those occasions when venting just doesn't go far enough
To say that I was the last person on Earth to get a smartphone would be a gross exaggeration. I was a little slow to adopt the technology back when it was new, but now, my phone seems to be my constant companion. It’s a little hard to think of it as a phone, though, since I don’t talk on it much. Like most people, I prefer to text as my primary means of communication. Even so, I’m not quite trendy enough to use all the emojis and shorthand.
An exception to this rule is the abbreviation LOL. I use those three letters a lot as both an acknowledgment of an amusing text and at the end of one of my own to let the recipient know I’m not serious. It’s a handy and nearly universally understood response, but it sometimes feels a little dishonest because I rarely, if ever, react to something on my phone by laughing out loud. Perhaps what I should actually text is LQTM — laughing quietly to myself.
Multiple sclerosis (MS) has many LQTM moments, and the occasional LOL, too. I don’t know how I’d get through day-to-day life with this disease if I couldn’t laugh at it sometimes. I’m not alone, either. Most everyone seems to acknowledge the mental (and physical) health benefits of keeping a good sense of humor.
When ranting is appropriate
But what about the other side of the coin? What about a good sense of anger? I’m coming to see that venting or sometimes even ranting both have a place in a life with MS.
Nearly two years ago, I wrote about whining, venting, and complaining. I didn’t include ranting at the time because I still thought of it as something negative and unhelpful. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t care what type of multiple sclerosis you have or what stage of the disease that you’re in, life is significantly harder because of it. The pressure of a high-pressure life can often be relieved by venting, but sometimes it requires a rant.
Neither seeks a solution, but venting is normally seen as the more calm, quiet, and controlled way to express anger and frustration. It’s also not usually a solo event. When I feel the need to vent and relieve the emotional burden of my MS, I typically seek out someone to listen to my outpouring. That’s my normal relief valve, and it’s become easier to do as I’ve recognized its importance for someone with a lifelong illness.
Unfortunately, that illness and its symptoms are neither normal nor easy, and relieving the pressure isn’t, either. A rant is usually viewed as a loud, uncontrolled outburst that doesn’t require the presence of another person. I think the idea of not being in control caused me to feel guilty anytime I went on what I considered to be a rant. Voicing anger and frustration without control just didn’t feel like what a mature and reasonable adult should do.
What I’ve discovered, however, is that just as it feels good to laugh out loud when appropriate, it can also benefit us to vent out loud. I’m angry at and frustrated by multiple sclerosis. Pretending that I’m not can sometimes lead to a degree of emotional pressure that a calm vent to a sympathetic ear simply cannot relieve. When that happens, I feel an angry outburst is warranted. The caveat to that way of thinking is being able to stop at a rant and not lash out at anyone.
My family, caregivers, and friends are the closest ones to me, so they’re always at more risk of bearing the brunt of my emotions. They’re always available for me when I vent, but they shouldn’t be on the receiving end of one of my rants. I’m sad to say that mine have been, especially as I struggled to control the uncontrollable in the years immediately following my diagnosis.
My solution has been to vent frequently and rant occasionally and healthily. A healthy rant may seem like a contradiction in terms, and maybe it is. But I think a rant, done the right way, can be healthy, especially when the person doing it is not. For me, the keys are audience and volume.
I vent calmly and quietly to another person, while my rants are generally louder, less rational, and done while I’m alone. If I’m not alone and still need to rant, my concession is to RQTM – rant quietly to myself. Sometimes this unconventional disease requires unconventional tools. A rant done right just might be one of them.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
About the Author
Ellen
I find I have a lot less patience these days! I do like to rant sometimes, but I also don’t like to read long email articles. I just don’t have the patience as they said.
Linda Martin
I enjoyed this article very much. I do vent. And I do rant. Unfortunately I tend to rant to someone near to me. I will have a day where it is just is too much and I have to get it out. This article has provided me some insight to perhaps going off by myself and ranting alone would be better. I could be louder and more "crazy" if I were alone.
I was diagnosed with MS in 2002 at the age of 54. I was told that because of my advanced age (?) at diagnosis I would be in a wheelchair in a year. Well, I am not and don't plan to be. But everyday is a struggle and MS is a bitch.
Thank you for your straight forward and helpful writing.