What happened during my least enjoyable MRI experience
After a series of calm sessions, my near-panic somehow returned
Before I received my relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis in 2016, I underwent a standard MRI exam, with and without contrast, that scanned my brain, thorax, and cervical spine. I’d never had an MRI before this one. I was vaguely familiar with what the machine looked like, but it’s safe to say that I didn’t know what to expect.
Because of my MS-related brain fog and poor memory, I can’t recall much of how my first MRI went or how I felt during it. I do remember it taking about three hours, which I didn’t enjoy because I had to remain still the entire time. That was the biggest issue for me because I get antsy extremely quickly, especially when I’m unable to move. I also remember my mom taking me out to breakfast as a reward when the scans were over; that was the most enjoyable part of that day.
Since being diagnosed, I’ve had to get one to two MRIs each year, and over time, I’ve become used to them, even somewhat numb during them. I think that’s because, regardless of whether I want to undergo an MRI, I have to do it; there’s simply no way around it if I’m to monitor my brain lesions. Thus, I’ve realized and accepted that I’ll have to get MRIs for the rest of my life. Or at least, I thought I’d accepted this reality.
The return of unwelcome sensations
Over the years, I’ve managed to stay as calm as possible during my MRIs, both mentally and physically, and I’ve been grateful for that. But that wasn’t the case a few days ago, when I had my routine checkup and annual MRI, my first since starting Kesimpta (ofatumumab) in September.
During this most recent MRI, my body and mind were not at all calm. Before the exam started, the technician set me up with a brain and neck cage over my head, as well as headphones to play calming R&B, cushions around my head to minimize movement, and an emergency squeeze ball in case I had to signal for help.
Everything was fine for a little while. I was enjoying the music, and I attempted to fall asleep. I’m not sure how much time had passed because time doesn’t seem real when I’m in the machine.
But eventually my heart began to beat a little faster, a sense of unease settled in my stomach, my breathing became a bit heavier, and warmth spread through my body. My mind also began racing, and I thought about how I’ll have to be in this machine once or twice a year for the rest of my life. I was starting to panic, and my eyes filled with tears. It was my least enjoyable MRI thus far, and a total surprise.
I tried to slow down my breathing and regain control of my increased heart rate, but it felt almost impossible. I took some deep breaths while remaining as still as possible, and I began to think about happy thoughts, such as going to dinner that day with my partner. I felt my body start to cool down, and I began to doze off.
As soon as I dozed off, the technician pulled me out of the machine to inject the contrast in my arm through an IV. She told me that the longest part of the exam was over and that I had about 15 minutes left. I felt relieved because I just wanted to go home.
When the MRI was over, the technician informed me that she’d made an error with one of the scans and that I’d need to return the next day to complete the exam. My heart sank, but I wasn’t upset or frustrated, because mistakes happen and we’re all human beings doing the best we can. Unfortunately, the same near-panic came up during that follow-up MRI! Thank goodness I was again able to bring myself to a more relaxed place.
I just hope that the next time I have an MRI, I’m able to somehow begin it with calm and, if not, keep the panic at bay.
How do you remain calm during routine MRIs? Please let me know in the comments below.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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