Navigating anxiety and dread ahead of my annual MRI scan
I may be familiar with the process, but it's still unpleasant
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The most dreaded part of my year has arrived yet again: MRI time.
Since I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) in 2016, I have undergone at least one MRI every year to monitor my disease and evaluate the efficacy of my disease-modifying therapy. Although I have become quite familiar with the process, every scan brings a mix of hope, fear, and the impossible task of preparing for unpredictable news.
Even though I try to find the silver lining in every situation, I still struggle to find the positive in this bleak and unpleasant test. Every aspect of the process — from the lead-up to lying still in a big tube — brings forth feelings of despair.
It always begins with my biannual neurology appointment. My doctor sends the MRI order to my local diagnostic imaging provider, typically requesting scans of my brain and my thoracic and cervical spine, all with and without contrast. Then I must schedule the appointment, though it takes me a few days to swallow my dread and get it done. I always choose a morning slot to avoid feeling apprehensive throughout the day. Then it’s a waiting game.
My anxiety is always high the night before the appointment, which affects my sleep quality. This isn’t necessarily an inconvenience, though, because the less sleep I get, the more likely I am to sleep through the scan.
When the day finally arrives, I wake up a couple hours early to remove all my jewelry and replace it with MRI-safe piercing retainers. This is a vital step in preparing for an MRI. On the way there, I play comfort songs to calm my nerves.
Sitting in the waiting room is one of the worst parts of the process. It feels as though I’m stuck in limbo for hours, waiting to hear my name called. Once the waiting room anticipation ends, a nurse will greet me and escort me to the wall of lockers where I can store my belongings. As I change into the gown and socks provided to me, I take one last deep breath before meeting the nurse to have an IV placed for the contrast portion of the scan.
As a naturally antsy person, I find it extremely uncomfortable to remain still inside the tube for a couple of hours. While I am not claustrophobic, I experience waves of restlessness, knowing I cannot move the way I please.
However, having a cozy blanket and my choice of music playing makes the experience much more bearable. My nerves always seem to subside during the scan itself, as I hold on to the comforting thought that it will soon be over.
But the anxiety doesn’t vanish once the MRI is complete. Fear lingers until the results arrive, and I find out whether the news is what I’d hoped for.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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