Life with MS has given me a new complex to worry about
Being tough for me now includes things like going to a restaurant
I’m not sure what age people begin to care about the lives of birds, but I think I’ve reached that point. I’m not quite at the stage where I name them or talk to them as if they understand me, but I’m getting close.
I have several bird feeders in my backyard, and lately, I’ve enjoyed watching the hummingbirds as they migrate south. They’re adorable little birds, but if they could understand me, I’d hesitate to say that to one of them. If it’s accurate to say a nonhuman animal can have a Napoleon complex, hummingbirds would certainly come to mind.
As I write this, several hummingbirds are using about 70% of the energy they get from my feeders just to aggressively defend them from other hummingbirds.
Initially, I found myself smiling at these delicate-looking birds, observing them waste their precious resources in an attempt to overcompensate and assert their dominance. However, after watching a bit longer and contemplating their behavior, my smile began to fade. I’m starting to recognize some undeniable parallels between their actions and my experiences living with multiple sclerosis (MS).
Three hummingbirds visit one of columnist Ben Hofmeister’s feeders. (Photo by Ben Hofmeister)
Just as I don’t know how much energy I have each day, the hummingbirds have no idea how much nectar is in my feeders. Both of us expend extra energy to accomplish the same tasks that others do easily. To an outsider, our vigilance may seem excessive, but when we’re defending what could be, for all we know, the last “spoon” available, it may come off as aggressive. In the case of the hummingbirds, they’re small, while I’m disabled by MS. Assertiveness often gets misinterpreted as aggression.
Neither of us is truly overcompensating; we’re simply compensating. However, since our compensations stem from circumstances that are outside of the norm, we might come across as overdoing it. To me, the chirp of a hummingbird sounds disproportionately loud because I don’t expect such a sound from something so small. In a similar way, my voice, which hasn’t changed, might sound harsh or loud to someone who doesn’t expect me to speak.
One thing I truly envy about these birds, aside from their ability to spend the winter in the tropics, is that they don’t overthink their actions. They prioritize their own needs without feeling selfish. It’s clear to them that sometimes what’s best for them is also best for everyone. I’m not claiming that I can never be selfish, or that my needs shouldn’t take priority at times; rather, I admire how my hummingbird friends give themselves grace.
Living with MS has reshaped my understanding of what it means to be OK. It has also influenced my definition of toughness. Who would’ve thought that being tough for me now includes going to a restaurant or spending the night in a hotel? Treating activities like these with such importance might make it seem like I have a Napoleon complex, but really, it’s more of an MS complex.
Maybe we should come up with a name for that. Please share your suggestions in the comments below.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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Robyn Pattrick
Hi Ben and thank you for your hummingbird article.
I can really identify with your thoughts about having a limited amount of energy for each day and how hard it is to access when it may run out. (I’ve watched hummingbirds doing this, when I’ve been in the USA) After years of practice I have got quite good a deciding what I can do in a day. But sometimes I get it wrong and
II know it’s hard for people who don’t have ms to understand that.
Thanks again. Robyn, NZ
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you Robyn! I've gotten pretty good at knowing how much energy I have for the day, but I still get caught off guard occasionally. Some days I'll decide to do something that matters to me that I know will use up most of my energy and I'll pay for it later. On those days, I need little reminder notes to let me know that I feel that way because I used my energy for the day on one event that I deemed important. Maybe I'm good at measuring my spoons, but not always good at remembering why I decided to use them a certain way.
Tom Fabian
How about "Gut Check"?
Benjamin Hofmeister
Nice one Tom!
valantin Solyman
I dont think it is a complex it is the reality of MS. I am not an individual with MS but a witness to how everyday tasks that I take for granted and do with absolutely no problems at my senior age are so difficult and at times impossible for someone half my age with MS. By the way since I always read your Blogs, I know your voice and the titles tell me it is your writing.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you for that! I'm flattered to be recognizable.
Carol Whiting
While I have relapsing MS, and my daily hardships are yet small comparatively, this article resonates with me. Thanks to the writer for so accurately describing my feelings. If everyone actually knew how difficult it is to actually have to think about walking or balancing or moving in general, the world would be a much easier place to live. Thanks, again.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you for reading it Carol and for taking the time to comment. I promise your hardships are not small if they affect the way you live your life in any way. I still do it, so this is one of those do as I say not as I do sort of things, but don't compare your struggle to anyone else's. Your experience doesn't have any less meaning because you may perceive someone else's as being better or worse.
And if you figure out how to do that perfectly, please share it with me.
AnnaMarie Prono
Beautiful piece. And I get it.
After 33 years, people still tell 'you don't look sick,'
I tell them that is because I don't go out when when I feel horrible. As a result, I dont leave the house often. I have to plan every event, and still there are days when I dont have the energy to change our of my pjs.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Usually the people that tell me I don't look sick are the ones that only get to see those moments when I'm faking being well. The moments that catch people off guard are the ones when I'm too tired to pretend.
Leanne Broughton
Where I live the Rufus hummingbird stays all winter. We do feed them as their life is a struggle. The southwest coast of Canada has milder winters but we still experience snow and cold snaps. And so the analogy continues, the ups and downs of MS or the existence/life of a hummingbird.
Nancy
Been a bird watcher all my life. Hummingbirds are amazing & I like your observations about the parallels with MS. My immediate yard is home to humminhbirds, crows, Stellar's Jays, & sparrows, with Flickers around the edges. Robins near by but the jays keep them out of the yard & seed stash. Lots of territory issues. Seattle area, so over wintering hummingbirds as well.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks for the comment Nancy! I used to think it was a little odd that I saw parallels with MS in almost everything, but now I think it just makes good sense and it's probably therapy in some way.