Life with MS has given me a new complex to worry about
Being tough for me now includes things like going to a restaurant
I’m not sure what age people begin to care about the lives of birds, but I think I’ve reached that point. I’m not quite at the stage where I name them or talk to them as if they understand me, but I’m getting close.
I have several bird feeders in my backyard, and lately, I’ve enjoyed watching the hummingbirds as they migrate south. They’re adorable little birds, but if they could understand me, I’d hesitate to say that to one of them. If it’s accurate to say a nonhuman animal can have a Napoleon complex, hummingbirds would certainly come to mind.
As I write this, several hummingbirds are using about 70% of the energy they get from my feeders just to aggressively defend them from other hummingbirds.
Initially, I found myself smiling at these delicate-looking birds, observing them waste their precious resources in an attempt to overcompensate and assert their dominance. However, after watching a bit longer and contemplating their behavior, my smile began to fade. I’m starting to recognize some undeniable parallels between their actions and my experiences living with multiple sclerosis (MS).
Three hummingbirds visit one of columnist Ben Hofmeister’s feeders. (Photo by Ben Hofmeister)
Just as I don’t know how much energy I have each day, the hummingbirds have no idea how much nectar is in my feeders. Both of us expend extra energy to accomplish the same tasks that others do easily. To an outsider, our vigilance may seem excessive, but when we’re defending what could be, for all we know, the last “spoon” available, it may come off as aggressive. In the case of the hummingbirds, they’re small, while I’m disabled by MS. Assertiveness often gets misinterpreted as aggression.
Neither of us is truly overcompensating; we’re simply compensating. However, since our compensations stem from circumstances that are outside of the norm, we might come across as overdoing it. To me, the chirp of a hummingbird sounds disproportionately loud because I don’t expect such a sound from something so small. In a similar way, my voice, which hasn’t changed, might sound harsh or loud to someone who doesn’t expect me to speak.
One thing I truly envy about these birds, aside from their ability to spend the winter in the tropics, is that they don’t overthink their actions. They prioritize their own needs without feeling selfish. It’s clear to them that sometimes what’s best for them is also best for everyone. I’m not claiming that I can never be selfish, or that my needs shouldn’t take priority at times; rather, I admire how my hummingbird friends give themselves grace.
Living with MS has reshaped my understanding of what it means to be OK. It has also influenced my definition of toughness. Who would’ve thought that being tough for me now includes going to a restaurant or spending the night in a hotel? Treating activities like these with such importance might make it seem like I have a Napoleon complex, but really, it’s more of an MS complex.
Maybe we should come up with a name for that. Please share your suggestions in the comments below.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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