Through the Looking Glass
— Beth Shorthouse-Ullah

Without hesitation, I would say that my bladder and bowel issues have been the hardest symptoms to manage and overcome following my MS diagnosis. It comes down to one thing: the fear of having an accident in public.

There is an ongoing difference of opinion between my husband and me regarding my general outlook on life. I consider myself to be a realist, whereas he thinks I tend to err on the side of pessimism. I’m an overthinker. I’ve always felt things incredibly intensely. Interestingly, when I read…

“‘Cause I would never break your heart/ I would only rearrange/ All the other working parts will stay in place.” — Biffy Clyro, a Scottish rock band If you’ve spent any time in a hospital, you know that it never gets completely dark. There’s always a light flickering somewhere, a…

“Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.” — Lawrence Block When the world was thrown into lockdown at the dawn of COVID-19, I was already an old hand at functioning…

“Mirrors don’t lie. They only show a part of truth.” — Lara Biyuts I’ve written about how my reality feels jagged compared with actual reality. I wrote, “The woman looking back at me isn’t whom I perceive myself to be.” I’ve been pondering this recently. The realism of reality With…

“Most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you? The road is long, and in the end, the…

“I close my eyes/ Only for a moment then the moment’s gone/ All my dreams pass before my eyes, a curiosity.” — Kansas, “Dust in the Wind”  The dark cloud of fatigue first swept through my mind toward the end of 2018. I was no stranger to physical fatigue,…

“In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix must first burn.” — Octavia E. Butler You know that feeling of waking up in a strange place, and it takes a second to remember where you are? Imagine that coupled with not being able to move from the neck…

“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming?” — James Matthew Barrie Being diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis significantly changed my perception of myself and the surrounding world. This drastic shift has been overwhelming and difficult to accept in many ways. The…

“Hey, man, I’m alive. I’m taking each day and night at a time/ I’m feeling like a Monday but someday I’ll be Saturday night.” — Bon Jovi Multiple sclerosis (MS) medications can generally be separated into two categories: disease-modifying therapies (DMTs) and those that help to manage symptoms. While…

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that is the great puzzle.” — “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland,” by Lewis Carrol Jan. 9 was my 31st birthday. I remember looking outside, watching the low January sun glisten on the frosty ground as its orange haze thawed the earth. I liken this…

As I glance over at the lonesome wheelchair skulking in the shadows of my living room, I recall its arrival like it was yesterday, though it’s been more than four years. My husband, and then carer, had paraded it through the house as if it were a savior, there to…

“Shoes are the quickest way for women to achieve instant metamorphosis.” — Manolo Blahnik As the holidays approach, I’m reminded to be thankful for what I have. I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) at 26 years old, and when I became paralyzed, I thought I’d never…

“Rock bottom is the end of what wasn’t true enough. Begin again and build something Truer.” — Glennon Doyle The first of our four pregnancy losses were our twin daughters in 2013, which happened nearly halfway through my pregnancy. Three years later, the first symptoms appeared that would eventually would…

I want to help in any way I possibly can. My lonely confusion in the early days after being diagnosed with aggressive relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis was mentally and physically paralyzing. However, this column isn’t about how “Hurricane MS” battered my body. Instead, it’s about why I chose to…

The butterfly effect is an idea coined by mathematician and meteorologist Edward Lorenz that is based on chaos theory. Lorenz pondered whether the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in one part of the world could cause a hurricane on the other side of the world. I believe this…

“You’re my summer that fades/ To these cold autumn days/ You’re my keepsake, my friend, and my fears/ You’re the strength that’s inside and I swear on my life/ I will always be there by your side.” — Amber Pacific Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I…

I am having an MS relapse, my first in three years. In the first two years after I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS in early 2017, I relapsed every two or three months. It got to the point that I couldn’t tell where one relapse began and another ended.

“A river cuts through rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence.” — James N. Watkins Fatigue is arguably the most disruptive symptom of multiple sclerosis (MS). At least it is for me. It has an awful lot to answer for. And it will.

“Hurricane MS,” which is how I refer to the aggressive nature of my MS progression, happened quickly and mercilessly. I am aware that my case is particularly unusual, given how aggressive its onset was. This is one of the reasons I feel a sense of purpose in sharing my story…