Columns Silver Linings - a Column by Jennifer Powell Shining Through Boundaries Shining Through Boundaries by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell | March 29, 2018 Share this article: Share article via email Copy article link I spent the majority of my life as a people pleaser. From the time I was young, I equivocated “yes” with likability; please and be pleased. As the years passed, compromising my own needs became second to meeting those of others. While I genuinely enjoy being of service and helping others, I cannot help but feel an inadvertent resentment when it is done out of habit as opposed to genuine ambition. I found difficulty in separating obligation from desire. Saying “no” did not come naturally, and it certainly came with a heavy dose of self-imposed guilt. This characteristic seemed to jibe well enough with my persona that I would only swat at it when it became annoying. I was swatting a lot. My MS and subsequent progression acted as an autonomic sifter, only filtering through that which commanded my attention. All else became superfluous. Borne was an identity all my own. Much like wearing a new pair of shoes, it took me a while to feel comfortable in my newfound self. I loved the shoes, I just needed to break them in. My diagnosis inadvertently liberated me from a habit I had frequently lamented. In its place, I learned how to take care of myself. Additionally, I nurtured those things I truly loved: writing, volunteering, and cultivating closer relationships with friends and family. I love to give; my spirit is most effervescent when I am doing. Understanding how to utilize my spiritual generosity to fulfill as opposed to deplete has been life-changing. Evolution takes time, especially one dependant on an ever-changing disease like MS. As my health needs change, so too have my abilities and limitations. In kind, so too have my boundaries. Although hastened by my health, creating and maintaining boundaries has increased my confidence and sense of self. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I like my values and beliefs, and while I respect and enjoy learning another’s, I feel no obligation to morph my own. As simplistic as that sounds, it has not always come so naturally. Similarly, I am able to say “no” and feel at peace. I am in integrity knowing I give much of myself to those people and causes I care for. Taming my innate need to please everyone has allowed me to channel positive energy to those I choose. While I would like to do more, fatigue and pain limit that which I can accomplish. I recently had to relinquish some of my responsibilities with the golden retriever rescue for whom I love to volunteer. I grappled at what to do for weeks until I gave myself permission to let go. Giving ourselves the allowance to love and focus on our needs is integral to thriving with multiple sclerosis. There simply is no alternative. Taking care of ourselves is not mutually exclusive from being a light in this world. We illuminate brightest when our flame is strong. A flame is lit when protected from the elements, but once lit, will sustain its force when properly fueled. Shine on. *** Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis. Print This Page About the Author Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Jennifer is the Brand and Marketing Manager for BioNews, podcast host of the Multiple Sclerosis podcast, and a featured columnist. Jennifer is an active advocate in the MS community and imparts her hopeful optimism into real-life challenges facing the MS community. Now with secondary-progressive MS, Jennifer hopes to elevate the patient voice to better the lives of those living with the disease. Prior to writing her column, Jennifer freelanced for several online periodicals. When not writing, Jennifer enjoys volunteering with animal rescue, traveling, and spending time at home in Orange County, California, with her husband and golden retrievers. Tags attitude, self-care Comments Ryan I physically needed to read this. Shine on, crazy diamond! Reply Mandy Lower Love this story of a journey that is one I am on at the moment. I really feel that sharing things like this helps everyone that is on this path to learn acceptance, and let us know that we are not quite so alone as we all move forward. Thank you for these inspiring words of wisdom, they will hel meant people to move forward in a positive direction. Reply Leave a comment Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published. Your Name Your Email Your Comment Post Comment
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