Chairborne — Ben Hofmeister

When presented with a drinking glass containing half the water it can hold, a pessimist would say that it’s half-empty while an optimist would say that the glass is half-full. A realist would probably demand to know who drank half of their water, and an idealist might simply be grateful…

Who hasn’t found themselves in the following situation? A loose acquaintance, or even a total stranger, strikes up a conversation with you, and at first it’s just pleasant small talk. Then there’s the pause. Those of us who have been living with a disability for a while know what’s coming…

I had a visit with a local cardiologist recently. Since my 2017 retirement from the Army, I’ve had most of my medical care at the Department of Veterans Affairs and haven’t been to this particular practice for about eight years. Fortunately, the people there still remembered me. Unfortunately, the provider…

To say that I was the last person on Earth to get a smartphone would be a gross exaggeration. I was a little slow to adopt the technology back when it was new, but now, my phone seems to be my constant companion. It’s a little hard to think of…

Even though I was too young to see the first three “Star Wars” films in theaters, I’ve watched them many, many times over the years. I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere, but here in the U.S., their enormous impact on pop culture is undeniable. Nearly everyone you meet…

I’m sure the same thing happens in a lot of professions, but combat medics, which I was, often zoom in on the job at hand and lose sight of everything else. I know that when I was treating a casualty, I’d sometimes get in the zone and lose track of…

When I learned to cook, I didn’t attend a class or have formal lessons. I learned the basics as a child from my mother in our home kitchen. At first, everything was structured: follow the recipe to the letter, precisely measure everything, and use only the recommended tools for a…

In an Army surveillance course I took in the spring of 2010, which I wrote about last year, I learned more than just the fact that I had a noticeable limp. For instance, on the first day, we had a class on simple ways to alter your appearance when…

Just before a deployment, all the teams in my military unit received a large supply of medical gear that included two medical backpacks, or aid bags. As the team’s medic, I elected not to bring them, because I already had a bag that I liked, and the new ones looked…

You know what they say about assuming? You don’t? Well, I just assumed that you did, so I guess the joke’s on me. I was going to start this column off by saying that people make a lot of assumptions about the disabled, but now I’m not sure that “assumption”…

When I could still drive, I enjoyed the experience. A car or truck was not just for getting from point A to point B. It was also about the thrill of the journey itself, and I wanted to coax as much as possible from the trip. That meant driving high-performance…

The Army took me to a lot of different places around the world, and if I spent enough time in any one of them, I often found myself adopting local customs. In the deserts of Afghanistan and Iraq, for example, if circumstances allowed, I usually wore a shemagh, and sometimes…

A friend of mine went hiking alone during the warmer months of early autumn. Before he left, he contacted several of his friends via a group chat and let us know when and where he intended to start and the location where he planned to camp for the night. He…

I don’t know if anyone else’s life works this way, but my life has a soundtrack. It varies depending on my mood and what’s going on at the moment, but at any given time there’s music in my background. These days it’s usually playing on one of the personal assistant…

Thanks in part to 2024 being a leap year, I’ve never published a column on Valentine’s Day. That won’t happen anytime soon, either, as the next time the holiday lands on a Thursday is 2030. While I’ve mentioned this holiday before, I’ve never written a column specifically about Valentine’s Day.

The other day, my kids asked if they could go through the jar of coins on my dresser. It’s been sitting there for a while because, like the majority of people with a jar of loose change, I hardly ever touch it. They hoped to find some rare coins, but…

With three preteen boys and one soon-to-be 50-year-old child in the house, we watch a lot of animated television. On the occasion when we watch another genre, it’s usually a nature show or historical documentary. We recently watched the latter, a documentary on the golden age of piracy in…

After today, I have only one more session of therapy for my current bout with depression. I don’t mean to imply that I’m getting chased out the door, or that more therapy won’t be recommended in the future, just that I’ve come to the end of my current program. I…

I’ve written several times before about how unpleasant it was to catch giardia while serving in Afghanistan with the U.S. Army, but I wasn’t the only person to get sick from drinking contaminated water. On one mission, we’d gotten up far too early to make coffee and had some…

I think cold weather affects me every bit as much as hot does. The difference is that instead of turning into a weak puddle, I stiffen into a rock. It doesn’t get that cold where I live, but when we do have a few chilly days in a row, I…