This Week, I Feel Like I’m Growing Up Again

As I sit down (nothing unusual there — all I do these days is sit down!) and write this, I’m 62 years and one day old.

On Saturday morning, it felt like I still had a few days to go before I reached the heady height of a 2-year-old. I’m the snarkiest and heaviest 2-year-old you’ll ever meet!

My wife and I were rushing to leave the house early to get our annual flu vaccinations. I get them for obvious reasons, and my wife does because she’s an asthma sufferer. Neither of us has to pay, but the real bonus is that the doctor’s office organizes everything.

When bureaucracy actually works for you, it’s nothing to be sneezed at!

The problem was the hurrying, plus I still feel weak from months of interminable urinary tract infections.

Trousers and a top I can usually manage, but not this morning. Shoes have been beyond my capability for years. Are they beneath me? Give me a week and I might manage. If I came from a performance art background, I could probably turn this attempt into an installation. Thankfully, I’m not. (I’ve always detested Tracey Emin’s “My Bed.” She was really rich by 1998, but the diaspora of efficient eastern European workers hadn’t occurred in the U.K. yet. Her cleaner must still have been English!)

Being dressed by your wife brings you face to face with your returned infantility. In the old days, she’d be undressing me! Actually, that never happened. A boy can still dream.

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