I’m grateful for the days when MS is simply background noise

When I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS) at 16, it was loud. My symptoms were significant; the fatigue ended my athletic drive, the searing nerve pain left me grinding my teeth constantly, and I experienced a period of being legally blind. MS didn’t politely wait its turn or subtly clear its throat to announce its presence. Instead, it took over. And it was woven into every decision, every opportunity, and every setback.

For years after my hematopoietic stem cell transplant (HSCT) in 2016, my MS quieted. I had no relapses and no new symptoms. Last year, the disease loudly returned to the scene. With a relapse front and center, it felt like MS again became the soundtrack to my life and was directing my days and rearranging my plans without asking.

But these days, after my third round of rituximab in January, my MS has softened. It now feels more like background noise, similar to the hum of a refrigerator or the drone of an air conditioner. I know it’s there, but I’m not thinking about it. It’s on, but it isn’t running the show or blasting through the speakers at full volume.

Thankfully, my symptoms from the last relapse have quieted as well. The feeling has returned to my legs. The spasticity that flared on overload days has vanished. And my body and nervous system have calmed. I think my body has called a truce for now — no more sympathetic system overdrive.

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Enjoying the quiet hum

On these quieter days, my life feels full again. I’m working full time as a registered dietitian and seeing private clients on top of that. I’m enjoying teaching other practitioners in the functional medicine space about nutritional biochemistry and building projects that require significant cognitive stamina. I’m exercising — not dramatically, but consistently. I’m going out, I’m dating, and I’m saying yes to plans without immediately needing to scan for an exit strategy. I don’t wake up thinking about my health, inflammation, or immune cells. Instead, I wake up thinking about caffeine and my calendar. My day is shaped by work deadlines, conversations, and whether I remembered to feed the cats or move the laundry, not by symptom tracking or survival mode.

That doesn’t mean MS has disappeared from my life entirely. It’s still there; I still pace myself. I build in rest before my system becomes desperate for it. I still notice subtle signals from my body that many without an unpredictable disease may not have learned to clock. But those adjustments now feel like routine, not an emergency, not anything out of the ordinary.

For so long, MS felt like the headline. Every day seemed to orbit around it in some way, from symptoms to appointments to recovery. It even directed my education and chosen profession. When a disease is loud, it sometimes gets center stage, whether you want it to or not. But on background-noise days, it’s only part of the ensemble. It doesn’t narrate. I get to be busy, I get to be distracted, and I get to build things again.

I don’t take these days for granted. I know MS can turn up the volume again without warning. But right now, in this season, I’m grateful for the hum instead of the sirens. MS is still part of my life. It may always be. But as it has faded into the background, even if only temporarily, I’m realizing that I am now living a full life that includes MS, not one that revolves around it.

That shift didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken me nearly 20 years to learn to balance grit and grace. For now, I’m content with the balance and enjoying the hum.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.