Multiple sclerosis has become part of the soundtrack of my life

I don’t know if anyone else’s life works this way, but my life has a soundtrack. It varies depending on my mood and what’s going on at the moment, but at any given time there’s music in my background. These days it’s usually playing on one of the personal assistant devices in the house, but it’s not limited to that. It can also come through the TV, car, headphones, or me, when I’m mindlessly humming a tune that I can’t get out of my head.

I listen to quite a bit of contemporary music, but I haven’t forgotten the songs of my youth. One of those is “No One Is to Blame,” by Howard Jones. Recently I heard not the original, but a cover by Mindy Smith. Most of the time, I prefer original songs to their covers, but in this case I actually prefer the latter.

Either way, I’ve rediscovered the song and newly appreciate it because I hear references to my multiple sclerosis (MS) in its lyrics. Just like most any other song, “No One Is to Blame” has nothing at all to do with MS. The connections are in my mind, and maybe in mine alone, but after I address a few of the lyrics, they might be in yours as well.

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My personal take on a pop song exegesis

The song begins with the line, “You can look at the menu, but you just can’t eat.” I feel this sensation every time I’m dining out because I don’t always choose what I really want from the menu. If I’m with my wife, I don’t mind if she cuts my food for me, but if I’m eating with other people, I tend to pick something that doesn’t require cutting. Since my dexterity is not what it used to be, I also tend to choose items that won’t make a big mess. My MS can sometimes make a menu look like a list of things I shouldn’t choose.

The next line of the song says, “You can feel the cushions, but you can’t have a seat.” I use a wheelchair as my primary means of locomotion, and my disability has gotten to the point where I cannot transfer seats without help. I still occasionally transfer to my old recliner, but if I’m not in the comfort of my own home, I tend to stay in my chair. I’m sure that the furniture at a friend’s house or in a public setting is comfortable. It’s just normally not worth the effort I’d need to find out.

The next line is, “You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can’t have a swim.” I think that’s because the battery for the handicap lift at hotels never seems to be charged. In other cases, it’s because there’s no one around who knows how to operate it. That isn’t always the case, of course. I’ve had staff at some resorts practically drag me to the lift and into the pool. As it is for people with any level of disability, water is my friend. I’d like to be able to enjoy it more often.

Another part of the song says, “You can build a mansion, but you just can’t live in it.” Our family home is not a mansion by any means, but it has an upstairs that I haven’t seen in some time. I could have a stair lift installed, but it seems like an unnecessary addition because I don’t intend to live here forever. And if I got to the top, I’d need another wheelchair there, which means another transfer — and I’ve already covered that problem. It’s been my decision to avoid the second story, but it’s not a choice I wanted to make.

The last line that caught my eye, or rather my ear, is the one that says, “Doctor says you’re cured, but you still feel the pain.” To be fair, no one has ever told me I was cured, but the word “stable” gets thrown around occasionally. I know the clinical definition, but I still resent it. I find myself wanting to ask, “What does that mean? I drove myself to our first appointments and walked in under my own power. Compared with my condition now, it doesn’t seem very stable to me.”

I didn’t mean to turn this week’s column into a sad rant, to give you a new earworm, or to make you hear MS in every song. If any of those happen, then I’m genuinely sorry. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go listen again to “No One Is to Blame” because it didn’t hurt me enough the first time.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.