MS can change your identity, but what about your personality?

I had the recent honor of attending our nephew’s graduation from Marine Corps basic training.

The ceremony on the parade field, along with the events of the previous day, were as stirring as one might imagine, but I think what struck me most was the changes I saw in my nephew. The person we saw last week was not the same as the one I last saw a couple of months ago.

I completed Army basic training so long ago I don’t remember all the details, but I wonder if anyone who knew me before it saw a similar change in me. I’m sure they did, because it was obvious to me. It was as though a large part of my identity changed, which is understandable, since that was the goal.

Recommended Reading

April 7, 2026 News by Marisa Wexler, MS

Studies show why some nerve cells in brain are vulnerable in MS

What changed about me with MS

In a similar way, I wonder how different I appear to those who knew me before multiple sclerosis (MS) changed me. I’m not referring to the physical changes, although those may be the first things someone notices. I mean the changes to my identity, because mine has definitely been altered.

I expected, wanted, and welcomed changes to my identity in basic training and throughout my time in the military, but with MS, even though I might have known these changes were inevitable, when they happened, I wasn’t ready for them.

I think I resisted the changes so hard at first because I didn’t understand the difference between identity and personality. A great way I’ve discovered to illustrate the difference between identity and personality is to think of identity as your story and personality as the way you tell it.

Identity changes. Sometimes it has to — and it’s supposed to — because it adapts to new life events as necessary. Personality can change, but generally does so only when you intend for it to change and make the effort. My identity changed, and I was afraid that meant my personality had to as well, and I fought hard to make sure it didn’t.

I can say with confidence now that being a person with MS is my current identity, but my personality remains the same. MS might have given me a different identity, but I’m not a different person. I can accept my disabled identity without having to accept or embrace a disabled personality.

I didn’t always want to accept that. I didn’t want to identify as a person who couldn’t drive or who couldn’t wash himself without help. I wanted to have a nondisabled identity, and it grated on me that MS made that impossible. My identity is what it is, and no amount of ignoring or pretending by me or anyone else can change that.

But has my personality changed? Not so much. I’d like to think that I’m a bit more sympathetic and empathetic. I’d also like to think that I’ve become more understanding and accepting of experiences other than my own. I refuse to say that my personality has improved because of MS. Instead, I think I’ll say that this is another example of something that changed for the better in spite of MS.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.