I’m going to be more open about my invisible scars from MS

I don’t have any tattoos. I’ve never been opposed to the idea, but for most of my life, I’ve never found the perfect one to permanently put on my body. Since then, I’ve seen several things I consider tattoo-worthy, but two of them would be most appropriate on my back. Since my back is always pressed up against a wheelchair cushion or a mattress, it seems like a waste.

I’ve also considered some art to cover the scar left by my baclofen pump implant, but since the pump has to be replaced periodically, the scar and tattoo would almost certainly end up distorted. Besides, I don’t know if it would be wise for me to start down that path.

I have plenty of other scars, but if I covered them all up with tattoos, I’d end up looking like a gang member, minus the swagger. When I spasm, my hands and feet occasionally throw up gang signs, but multiple sclerosis (MS) makes it hard for me to swagger. When I could still walk, the best I could manage was a stagger.

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Those scars are all visible, but I’m not planning to cover up my invisible ones, either. Those marks were left by injuries from my invisible disease, and for years, I tried to keep them hidden. I never did anything heroic to get my visible scars, but I wasn’t ashamed of them, because each one came with a lesson. The invisible scars have lessons, too, and I’m a bit ashamed that I haven’t always been willing to share those.

Scott Mann, a fellow Green Beret, speaker, and leadership coach, recently wrote about “The Generosity of Scars.” He highlights the importance of sharing more than just personal accomplishments. The victories I’ve had with MS — few as they sometimes feel — are only a small part of my story. It’s the defeats, failures, and pain that make up the larger, and perhaps more inspiring, part.

I struggle with MS, and while I can’t speak for everyone, I know I’m not alone. My scars are born of those struggles, and though MS is different for each person, chances are someone else has faced, or will face, the same challenges. I wish none of us had to endure this disease, but our struggle is what connects us. Pretending my scars don’t exist only cheats me and others out of the value of my experience.

My scars are a big part of what makes me relatable. After my diagnosis, my biggest challenge was finding others I could truly connect with. At first, it felt like no one else with MS would talk about the uncomfortable symptoms I faced. I felt isolated, convinced I was the only one struggling, and that something was wrong with me for not handling things better. I’ve failed at times, but I hope I can always be someone others with MS can relate to, even in the awkward or embarrassing moments.

Generosity means giving fully by being willing to share everything. I intend to be generous with my victories, but more importantly, with my defeats. MS gave me scars, and while I don’t need to display them, I am willing to share their stories.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.