Reflections on the meaning of authenticity while living with MS

Lots to think about Desiree. Thanks for your honesty, you have brought up many issues that l myself struggle with. i. e. the temptation to minimize my struggles vs. revealing the true feelings of frustration and anger at my situation. One is an effort to seem "normal", while the other is authenticity. And worrying about making others uncomfortable around my anger. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Bess

Desiree,
There are a few things that I have found quite important to being authentic in life, Rule one, what has two thumbs and does not ive a rat's ass, proceed to point those thumbs proudly at ones self!
Find out who your friends are not acquaintances, keep them close and never let them go. They are probably more supportive than your family and if they are not go fish for new ones.
MS has been a great teacher for me as well You only get one shot at this life thing live it accordingly!.
Thanks for sharing!
Peace and love to you!
Matt

I must admit I struggle with being authentic even though I have lived with auto-immune chronic illnesses since the age of 7 type 1 diabetes and diagnosed with MS at age 21. Now at the age of 57 I still feel the need to say "I'm great" even though I may not be. The thing is I look great on the outside but only my family know what I really go through day to day. Experience has shown me in the past, that when I've expressed vulnerability, people look shocked and say "but you look fantastic" how can this be ?? So I've taken to "fake it until you make it. It's just too hard and exhausting to try and explain to everyone that even though I look great on the outside, life can be a real struggle ... here's a fact about human instict - people believe what they see more than what they hear !!! I guess authenticity is very personal and different from one person to the next .... perhaps pretending to be better than what I am because I "look" better than what I am, is MY authenticity - and for now it's what I'm most comfortabe being :):) Thanks for sharing Desiree xxoo

Looking good, saying the right thing, “conforming” is part of life. Assuming that is who you are (real self) may cause trouble later, for example- when you get MS. Conforming to fact is an important basis for authenticity that you mention. Being who you are, based on the facts of your true experiences, is how in part you remain authentic. Remembering the facts and your reactions, knowing them, feeling them, accepting them. You can’t remain true to yourself for someone else either. It only works for yourself. Then you share it or not depending on the situation. You recognize the fact (s), experience the horror (or whatever), remember it, “put it in a bag”. Then move on to other stuff and come back when you want to or have to (look in the bag). Put that new stuff in a bag too. Then move on again. Take the word “MS” and replace it with anything; it’s the same process. “How do you remain true to yourself while … ___?” MS can be a total disrupter of life and probably will be to one extent or another..

But should you plan for the disruption? That’s another discussion. Lots of people talk about their personal denial and time wasted when they should have been treating it. I for one, did shots every other day for 23 years, so it was hard to forget totally. But there was a period of time in there that I thought little about it. (I had already done my self-awareness training.) I’d have to say that period was priceless, when MS for 15 or 20 years wasn’t really worth thinking about and I had plenty else to do. Some may say it is not really worth thinking about now, but it is much harder to ignore or forget. So the self-awareness part comes in handy. No unexpected emotional disruptions, which also makes it easier for others, like my wife, who has been wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, the disease totally sucks.

I like the idea of your column. I'll be watching and hope not to get carried away. Let me know if there's a problem. :-)

Dear Desiree,

Thank you for this well written article, it resonated deeply with me. I was diagnosed with MS in 2013 as a husband, father of two children (13 and 10), business executive and leader in our community. Trying to be authentic in these different roles proved practically impossible as my authentic self was difficult to find amidst the busyness and pressure. Years later now, after being medically boarded, I am discovering my authentic self and am finally caring for and accepting myself. Keep fighting the fight and always remember to take care of yourself!