Silver Linings — Jennifer Powell

I failed the complaint challenge. The goal was to go 24 hours without complaining — no complaining about anything. Yet while the objective is commendable, a win is nearly impossible. I’m not much of a complainer, and I still fell short. I’d venture to say that many others would, too,…

I am uncomfortable amid ambiguity and unknowns. I find myself searching for rationale when, at times, none exists. I crave clarity yet mostly exist amid the fogginess of MS. I live this way literally and figuratively. My lack of clarity grows with the wait for the COVID-19 vaccine. When I…

Rare – adjective Not occurring very often; uncommon Unusually good or remarkable On Feb. 28, the world will celebrate international Rare Disease Day. A rare disease is one that affects fewer than 200,000 people in the U.S. Almost 7,000 rare or orphan diseases meet the criteria to be considered…

Bravado is lost in the blink of an eye. Self-doubt erodes certitude until we find that our default modus operandi is to refuse. Opportunities, happiness, possibilities, and growth seem to pass. This no-risk mentality brings no reward. Chronic illness is a breeding ground for skepticism. We live in a world…

Optimism is kryptonite to the fear and doubt I keep inside. I am grateful for my cheerful disposition because it allows me to maintain balance. But balance is not healing. Left alone, those feelings that I fear ultimately fester. I tend to push aside sadness or frustration. I…

Almost every characteristic of multiple sclerosis differs for each of us who has the disease. While we share commonalities inherent to multiple sclerosis that make us similar to one another, much about the way our disease manifests is unique. This is why MS is sometimes referred to as the “…

There is something poetic about transitioning to a new year. It’s the melancholy of farewell fused with hopeful expectancy, the bittersweet juxtaposition of closing one door while opening another. Yet for a moment, I am noncommittal. With one foot in each year, I eventually shift my weight from 2020…

If I were using a wheelchair, would you question why I use a handicapped placard? Perhaps some (or all) of the condemnation I now receive would diminish. Maybe the notes left on my windshield would not be written. Perchance, it might temper some of the ugly comments spoken to my…

The holiday season has always been a time of reflection. The year passes by in a montage of memories. I am reminded of the past 11 months. The highs and the lows. My hopes and my aspirations. Those lives that have been lost and those that have just begun.

Overachieving is my jam. Go big or go home. I strive to be the best at whatever it is I do. Currently, I am achieving greatness in my ability to fall. Three falls in three weeks is a new record. The first one happened in the kitchen. Upon feeling myself…

I have been living in the land of Netflix. It went from a place I would visit from time to time to a home away from home. In between life’s moments, I find myself teleported to the land of escape. I become lost amid the complexity of characters and the…

The cog fog (cognitive fog) is thick and heavy. I cannot seem to extract words from the alphabet soup that fills my head. This is torturous for a self-described word nerd. And as my MS progresses, so does the fog. Slowed cognition has become one of the most…

I am often so preoccupied with the daily maintenance of MS that I forget where the disease ends and I begin. It is too easy to lose our identity among the myriad challenges that accompany a chronic disease. I am the queen of juggling chaos, but that often leaves…

Last week, I again started my twice-annual infusion of Rituxan (rituximab). After 384 days without my disease-modifying therapy, my team decided I could no longer wait. In its absence, my symptomology had worsened. Halting progression trumped a pandemic, and with personal protective equipment in place, I begin…

I am tired of having multiple sclerosis. I am just so tired of this disease. And you know what? That is OK. Being tired of MS does not negate my gratitude. It does not replace my joy and zest for life. It is granting myself the grace to be honest…

I grew up sailing the San Francisco Bay. My summers were spent in sailing school. My father’s daughter, I loved being on the water. There was no place more peaceful or exhilarating. That serenity turned to turbulence one cold and foggy day. While speeding downwind, our boat broached. The…

I am staring at my golden retriever, Abby, as she sleeps on the lawn, the afternoon sun dancing through her fur. Lying so still, she is encapsulated in a golden glow. I glance at her chest and am reassured by its rhythmic rise and fall. Abby is 10, and…

I have long preached the merits of acceptance. In embracing my MS, I have mitigated much of the accompanying fear. This modus operandi has enabled me to live alongside my disease as opposed to clashing with it. While ideal, it is becoming increasingly difficult to follow my advice. Two…

Our thoughts influence our being. The stories we tell ourselves frame our reality. They affect the decisions we make, our behaviors, and ultimately our overall mindset. These serve to either nourish or starve our psyche. If we are what we eat, then are we what we think? Absolutely. We cannot…

I like my husband. I like his generous heart, his humility, and his penchant for Tommy Bahama shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops. Sure, I love him. Yet our love has changed throughout our 23-year marriage. We have traded passion for patience and lust for loyalty. While each exists, they are…