Columns Silver Linings - a Column by Jennifer Powell Positioning Myself to Embrace Change Positioning Myself to Embrace Change by Jennifer (Jenn) Powell | January 7, 2021 Share this article: Share article via email Copy article link There is something poetic about transitioning to a new year. It’s the melancholy of farewell fused with hopeful expectancy, the bittersweet juxtaposition of closing one door while opening another. Yet for a moment, I am noncommittal. With one foot in each year, I eventually shift my weight from 2020 to 2021. My reluctance to change contrasts the nature of my disease. MS and its symptomatology require fluidity, a foreign concept to someone who thrives on control. Even a decade after being diagnosed, I am learning to stay open-minded. I am learning not to write a detailed script for my days. Instead, I use an outline as a touchstone to find my way. There is no blueprint for progressive multiple sclerosis. Like many chronic diseases, the only constant is change. I previously felt inferior in the face of failed plans and broken promises. Exacerbations left me anxious and flustered. I spent precious energy trying to rein in my own emotions. Multiple sclerosis is ambiguous. One cannot predict what is to come, nor can one adequately prepare. The best-laid plans will be replaced by detours. Learning to embrace this uncomfortable reality continues to be my greatest triumph. Creating goals devoid of expectation has allowed me to grow with grace. MS will change the direction in which I go. It will command that I pause and take time to heal. Yet, in the quiet, I prosper. I have found freedom in redefining how I live with multiple sclerosis. Acceptance has replaced rigidity. The quiet interludes between the various acts of life are a welcome change. Chaos will come soon enough. I tried to manipulate the course of this disease. My grasp on the joystick grew firmer as I lacked control. Like a tormented child, I finally fell apart. I cursed this MS and the hold it had over me. I resented the fallout, the pain, the insomnia, and the exhaustion. But emotional upheaval was a necessary evil. Only when I exorcised the demon was I able to find some semblance of peace. Only in exhaustion was I able to receive self-love and compassion, and permission to fall off-course. Only then could I zigzag and shift without perceived weakness. Much like the new year, I began anew. I found poetic justice in bidding farewell to the old. And with a bit of melancholy and hopeful optimism, I shifted my weight and embraced the new. Cheers to a new year. *** Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis. Print This Page About the Author Jennifer (Jenn) Powell Jennifer is the Brand and Marketing Manager for BioNews, podcast host of the Multiple Sclerosis podcast, and a featured columnist. Jennifer is an active advocate in the MS community and imparts her hopeful optimism into real-life challenges facing the MS community. Now with secondary-progressive MS, Jennifer hopes to elevate the patient voice to better the lives of those living with the disease. Prior to writing her column, Jennifer freelanced for several online periodicals. When not writing, Jennifer enjoys volunteering with animal rescue, traveling, and spending time at home in Orange County, California, with her husband and golden retrievers. Tags change, new year Comments Leave a comment Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published. Your Name Your Email Your Comment Post Comment
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