Poetic Justice to be a Party Pooper

Poetic Justice to be a Party Pooper


In my angst-ridden teen years, I wrote poetry.

It was truly dreadful and should have disappeared in the wash of personal history.

Luckily, it was the mid-’70s, and in those pre-internet days, it was committed only in pen to scrappy paper rather than as a confessional to the world. Of course, for kids today, this still doesn’t matter a jot, unless you become famous — then you’re scuppered.

Or, somehow it gets left in a cupboard of your childhood bedroom, your mother goes into care, and her house has to be cleared. When you’ve got MS, your family does that for you. And your wife discovers it.

Laugh.

She surely did — it went on for days.

Any guests to our house were treated to a personal reading. My ignominy was compounded by my terrible handwriting and, therefore, as the only one who could properly decipher it, I was forced to perform. Today, MS has turned my handwriting into the sort of hieroglyphs that existed before Napoleon’s discovery of the Rosetta Stone!

I bring all this up because the only time I’ve written a poem since then was on my phone at a party five years ago.

By this point, I could no longer mingle and found myself, for the first time since my teenage years, alone in a sea of friendly people. The inability to flit from conversation to conversation leaves you at the mercy of others. It’s not something that I’ve had to contend with in my adult life and was something of a shock. I had time to fill as the party waxed and waned, so I wrote a poem about it.

Thankfully, during my last phone upgrade it disappeared, so even if I had the compunction, I can’t share it.

As we enter the Christmas season, the rate of parties is hard. I was supposed to be at my niece’s 21st at the weekend, but it was in a nightclub with stairs. I demurred.

Her dad phoned me on the day and offered four burly men to carry me up. I pointed out that after a night of drinking they might still be burly, but now incapable. It was a sweet gesture, but one I’m glad I refused. The stairs turned out to be slippery, narrow, and the handrail was loose! The able-bodied slipped on it!

The floor in his plan was that I could land on it from a height!

The next day, we supplied brunch to the party weary — my contribution: concocting an enormous jug of Bloody Mary.

I enjoyed dispensing this elixir as a fitting medication to those nursing hangovers.

Cheers.

***

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John Connor BNS Writer
‘In 1982 John Connor was a stand up, sketch writer & journalist – crap at all three he decided whilst watching a man performing with a paper bag on his head that as nobody else was going to write about stand up he would’. ‘Comics’ Papermac 1990. In 2009 John Connor was diagnosed with MS. In 2017 John Connor still produces/directs his own live 27 year old resident topical comedy show at London’s Comedy Store – ‘The Cutting Edge’. He was also a leading UK Casting Director specialising in comedy – including one of the hippest shows ‘Black Books’ [double BAFTA winning Situation Comedy Award] & for at least a decade the biggest sitcom on British TV ‘My Family’. TV & MS was a step too far – and we know how hard any step can be. Luckily his satirical show was a built in part time job & with the election of Trump is now in the zeitgeist. John now writes “Fall Down Get Up Again” – an irreverent journey with MS.
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John Connor BNS Writer
‘In 1982 John Connor was a stand up, sketch writer & journalist – crap at all three he decided whilst watching a man performing with a paper bag on his head that as nobody else was going to write about stand up he would’. ‘Comics’ Papermac 1990. In 2009 John Connor was diagnosed with MS. In 2017 John Connor still produces/directs his own live 27 year old resident topical comedy show at London’s Comedy Store – ‘The Cutting Edge’. He was also a leading UK Casting Director specialising in comedy – including one of the hippest shows ‘Black Books’ [double BAFTA winning Situation Comedy Award] & for at least a decade the biggest sitcom on British TV ‘My Family’. TV & MS was a step too far – and we know how hard any step can be. Luckily his satirical show was a built in part time job & with the election of Trump is now in the zeitgeist. John now writes “Fall Down Get Up Again” – an irreverent journey with MS.

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