Always in the Kitchen at Parties

My nephew James has taken an interest in this column since having a starring role in it a few weeks ago. We were at his mum’s 60th birthday party.

He casually asked, “What are you going to write about next week?”

A good question.

I answered with a joke that unfortunately only works in the U.K. and you have to be old enough to remember the song it refers to: “You’ll Always Find Me in the Kitchen at Parties,” a mournful British hit by Jona Lewie from 1980.

He guffawed — I was exiled in the kitchen as there was nowhere else large enough to park my wheelchair. Parties ebb and flow, but long ago, I accepted that I’m a fixed point. At first, I felt that I had to entertain enough to hold people’s interest, but that proved to be intensely wearing on me, and especially everyone else. Thankfully, I’ve always been something of an irascible soul, so reverting to my lowest-denominator self is a natural fit.

If I’m left on my own, there’s a whole smorgasbord of entertainment at hand on my mobile phone, but in this instance, I actually did a bit of work — which saved me from doing it the next morning.

And being exiled in the kitchen has its advantages. My glass never emptied, I was confronted by some exceedingly good cupcakes, and I got to choose the ones that hadn’t been molested by the roving gang of 4-and-under grandnieces!

I also managed to escape controversy. It seems my wife was being tackled on her stance on Brexit in the living room by her “Leave”-voting brother and teased by two of our nephews. That damned James being one of them.

So, for me no arguments and plenty of cake.

Sweet.

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John Connor BNS Writer

‘In 1982 John Connor was a stand up, sketch writer & journalist – crap at all three he decided whilst watching a man performing with a paper bag on his head that as nobody else was going to write about stand up he would’. ‘Comics’ Papermac 1990. In 2009 John Connor was diagnosed with MS. In 2017 John Connor still produces/directs his own live 27 year old resident topical comedy show at London’s Comedy Store – ‘The Cutting Edge’. He was also a leading UK Casting Director specialising in comedy – including one of the hippest shows ‘Black Books’ [double BAFTA winning Situation Comedy Award] & for at least a decade the biggest sitcom on British TV ‘My Family’. TV & MS was a step too far – and we know how hard any step can be. Luckily his satirical show was a built in part time job & with the election of Trump is now in the zeitgeist. John now writes “Fall Down Get Up Again” – an irreverent journey with MS.