Fall Down, Get Up Again- a Column by John Connor

In the five years I’ve been tapping away at this multiple sclerosis (MS) column for MS News Today, I’ve so far written during one FIFA World Cup. My oft used trope is that “it’s football, not soccer,” for our many U.S. readers. That is, at least, how…

First off, let me apologize for my penchant for using hip literary references. Not everyone is aware of Joseph Heller’s seminal satirical novel published in 1961, which spawned the book’s title of “Catch-22” as a quick-fire phrase to describe anything that is nearly impossible to get out of. Our…

You get used to … Hold on there, matey boy. Be honest and write “I.” This column has a reputation for brutal honesty (I’m sure someone has referred to it that way over the past five years), so don’t get all coy now that you’re not the center of medical…

The call from my urologist’s office came far later than I was expecting, in regards to my long-term chronic urinary tract infection (UTI). The call came in on my home phone, but luckily, someone else was around to answer it. I long ago gave up trying to answer that…

Ah, one of the classic setups for a Christmas cracker joke. Others include, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” and “How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb?” While these gags are popular in Britain, I’m not sure if they exist in the rest of the English-speaking…

“You married a husband and ended up with a child,” quipped I. It was first thing Sunday morning, and I was addressing my wife of 30 years, Jane. She stood with blue, latex, hypoallergenic gloves on her hands, ready to deal with my sopping wet pad. More on that…

Ah, after living the majority of the last three years of my life indoors, I do tend to spark conversation with my carers. But if I keep quiet, they’re more than happy to do so, too, as they repetitively deal with the rigmarole of getting me ready every morning. It’s…

There are moments in life that have surprising effects on us. I’ve had two. The first was when I was about 9, and my mother informed me that my headmaster had been told I’d disappeared after school. Fair enough in hindsight. I presume she’d phoned the police as well, but…

The constant light in my cell burned through my eyelids all night. Every night for days now. Prostrate on my back, I couldn’t even turn over to get away from it. Why me? I knew nothing. Wasn’t part of any organization. Had no power. Couldn’t influence anyone. How did I…

Once upon a time, children, there was a very grumpy bear who kept a low-level, incessant growl going all day. And often, well into the night, too. If his family were lucky, this would only last about a week, but usually it would last a lot longer. He was snappy…

Note: The second half of this column details digestive symptoms that may make readers uncomfortable.  In the five years that I’ve written this “irreverent journey with multiple sclerosis (MS),” quoting from my very own bio at the foot of this column, I think I’ve only covered this “quiet”…

It was a glorious summer for those of us lucky enough not to be engulfed by forest fires, face crop destruction by severe drought, or have to manage the debilitating effects of multiple sclerosis (MS), which are exacerbated by crippling heat. Over 60% of people with MS say…

My weight went off the scale when my multiple sclerosis (MS) meant that I could no longer safely get on the scale. This was probably about four years ago. In them there halcyon days (for me, anyway), I still shared our second-floor bedroom (first-floor, for those of us here…

This headline is a bit of a cheat. OK, it’s a big cheat. When you’ve been writing a column for five years, there’s immense satisfaction when you’ve finished it each week. There’s even more when it’s passed through the editing process. Sometimes this can get somewhat tricky. The trouble is…

Now, I know the phrase “I’m going to do my own research” has become a catch-all for conspiracy theorists who are out to prove spurious nonsense, merely by finding even more spurious websites they can whirl down like Alice falling through that there looking glass. Proper research costs serious money…

I only had my glasses for two years, yet reading anything on my phone was now nigh impossible. Still, it did cure my Facebook and Twitter addiction. Yer, yer, I’m old. (I’m 64, you know.) Sure, I’ve written this before — surely that’s a free pass for us aged folk.

In December 2019, I was stopped in my tracks, or rather wheels, as I was about to have my third infusion of Ocrevus (ocrelizumab), the multiple sclerosis disease-modifying therapy (DMT) that I’d been taking every six months for the past year. My neurologist had decided just a few…

No, it wasn’t my good wife, Jane, suddenly insisting we just had to take a break. Spontaneity is no longer a question for me. We can only go somewhere that has both a hoist and a profiling bed. Never mind a Molift and a shower chair. It’s…

Monday Unlike Prince, my Monday wasn’t manic. It was barreling along quite sedately until my wife, Jane, casually noted, “Remember, you’ve got a dental appointment on Wednesday morning.” Er, no, I hadn’t remembered. It was somewhat churlish of me, as I’d been waiting for this appointment for nigh on…

So I’m at my multiple sclerosis (MS) exercise class working out on a sit-down bike. Yes, I know, by their very nature bikes tend to be of the sit-down variety, but for us lot in wheelchairs, these bikes are designed so we can roll up to them and have…

Compared with living with multiple sclerosis (MS), the anxiety of what on water (Earth has always struck me as a misnomer as water comprises 71% of our planet’s surface) I’m going to write about next week is but a slight fluttering. Yer, yer, I know; underneath it’s…

I’ve just received four intramuscular Botox injections in my right arm to relieve the muscle spasticity that comes with multiple sclerosis. (OK, it wasn’t actually Botox, but Dysport, or abobotulinumtoxinA, another medication derived from the botulinum toxin to block muscle contractions.) And “my right arm is going…

There is a more heavyweight subject I could inflict on you lot, but let’s put our feet up this week. Even I can do it with the one leg. My wife, Jane, and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary last Friday. You’d have thought we’d have planned a big…

Today’s youth have to accumulate a range of skills. Everything changes so fast. Parents often have no idea what career their kids even want to follow. Do you know what a UX designer is? Me, neither. This latest social change was revealed to me in a recent Guardian article,…

In my cooking days, I always had a stock simmering away. Nothing was wasted. What had been frugality spurred on by self-imposed poverty — first as a student, then in the struggling life of a garret writer — later became the general political point of not wasting resources. It hurts…

This week’s been a relief. I haven’t had to dash to casualty or fallen over in my chair. Nor have I stirred up a ruckus with the health powers that be or bumped into a fellow MSer with an interesting tale. My knockabout personality undoubtedly has…

“Well, this an idea for your next column, John,” my wife, Jane, said, a tad sardonically. At least I thought it was probably sardonic, as there was just a wisp of a razor-thin smirk glimmering at the corners of her eyes. This was because she was wearing a face…

My column’s handle is “Fall Down, Get Up Again” because the first piece I wrote for Multiple Sclerosis News Today was titled “A Mountain to Climb with MS — in My Living Room.” That column got me this gig five years ago. It was set in 2012, mind you,…

For the few of you lot lucky enough not to know about intermittent catheterization, it’s shoving a thin bit of plastic up the old (in my case) urethra so that you can pee. I am well aware of how bad plastic is for the planet, but in my open-and-shut…

It was a moment of clarity. Unfortunately, my attempt at making a bright, clear consommé has for the moment turned into a muddled chowder! Even worse, it was writing this column that started it. I’ve written so often in this column about using my Molift assistive device for transfers…