The ‘pre-flight safety checklist’ applies to both MS patients and caregivers
Whether you're a patient or a caregiver, you must think of your own care first
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It’s been a few years since I’ve traveled in an airplane. Flying commercially when you depend on a wheelchair for locomotion is apparently quite the nightmare. Between that and all the accessories I travel with, as long as the distance is reasonable, I’d rather just drive. The fact that I haven’t had anywhere to go for a while is probably a factor, too.
I was never a “frequent flyer,” but before multiple sclerosis (MS) put me in a wheelchair, I flew often enough that I knew most of the drill by heart. I packed minimally, knew what to wear to get through security more easily, knew which seats had the most leg room, and could almost recite the pre-flight safety checklist. One part of it was particularly memorable and has stuck with me, probably because it makes practical sense.
“In case of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead panel. Please secure your own mask before assisting others.”
The first time I heard that, it didn’t sound practical at all; it struck me as a little selfish. Shouldn’t I be heroic and make the sacrifice of putting the needs of others before my own? After a moment’s consideration, it dawned on me that it was actually anything but selfish. Now it’s dawned on me again, this time because it’s a near-perfect metaphor for both life with MS and for caring for someone who has it.
Self-care is unselfish care
It took me a long time to realize this, and I know I’ve harped on it many times before, but when you have a lifelong disease like MS, you have to practice very unselfish self-care. With this disease, my own health, physical and mental, is completely linked to my ability to care for myself. That ability is itself linked to the capability to take care of others to whatever degree I’m able.
I wrongly thought self-care was in doing something noticeable and grand, which is most likely why I once considered it selfish. What I’ve come to realize is that it involves many small things I prioritize and try to do regularly. Knowing myself, my limitations, when it’s OK to say no, and setting boundaries accordingly — these make me more compassionate toward and understanding of others’ needs.
For example, knowing that I need to rest and recuperate after certain activities and setting aside the time to do that doesn’t just affect my well-being, but also the well-being of those who care for me. I can’t hope to fill anyone’s cup if I have let mine run empty.
It might seem different for my caregivers, but it’s actually the same. If someone isn’t taking care of their own mental and physical well-being, it’s impossible to take care of me. That’s why so many programs for caregivers emphasize respite care when needed. That’s especially true for family caregivers. Burning out is not the right answer; putting on your own oxygen mask is — even if it seems selfish.
I need to borrow a phrase I got from an online article on this subject: “Self-care is not selfish, for both the cared for and the caregiver, it’s about being strategically self-sufficient.”
Whichever side of MS care you find yourself on, being able to prioritize your own care can often mean the difference between living your best life and merely surviving MS.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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