Coping with MS means sometimes being inattentive to myself and others
Take it from Hannibal Lecter; you don't want to be mistaken for indifferent or shallow
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It’s definitely dark and maybe even disturbing, but a book I have always enjoyed is Thomas Harris’ “The Silence of the Lambs.” If you’re unfamiliar with either the book or the movie, you’ve either been living a sheltered life or you need to find someone whose birth year starts with “1” to tell you about it.
I recently reread parts of it, and besides having a great plot with plenty of suspense, the book is full of memorable quotes. One that I hadn’t paid much attention to before recently stood out to me. It’s from Hannibal Lecter, who says, “ … inattention can be a stratagem to avoid pain, and that it is often misread as shallowness and indifference.”
I think it stood out because I instantly related it to my life with multiple sclerosis (MS). I really do try not to see MS in everything, but trying to keep it separate from everything is becoming increasingly difficult, if not outright impossible.
As I read this line, I began to wonder: What has coping with a chronic disease led me to be inattentive to? Then I wondered if being inattentive was a good strategy or a bad one. I came to the conclusion that it can be bad, good, and sometimes even a little of both.
The good, the bad, and the both
Let’s start with the bad. If I ignore the rest of my health because I’m completely focused on MS, then that’s absolutely the wrong kind of inattention. Likewise, being inattentive to the experiences of other people with MS because I think no one understands my exact experience robs me of the incredible value of peer support. Finally, being inattentive, and being mistaken for indifferent, can make it hard to be taken seriously both by other people and by providers. The last thing I want is for others not to care because they think I don’t.
Next is the good. I would like others to see that my selective inattention is about coping, rather than not caring. For me, not finding healthy coping mechanisms is not an option, or at least, not a good one. MS might touch every aspect of my life, but it’s not my life. Paying attention and adapting to what matters, while attempting to put what doesn’t in the background, keeps me from missing out on my own life, while still being able to participate in it.
Sometimes, prioritizing myself and paying attention to my own self-care means being inattentive to the wants and needs of others. That sounds bad, but it’s also often the right thing to do. The key is to make sure that it isn’t mistaken for selfishness or shallowness. The good doesn’t completely outweigh the bad, but the people who care for me understand the prioritization of attention.
I only touched on a few examples of coping with MS by choosing where to apply attention. There are doubtless many others, and I would love to hear your experiences in the comments. After all, like I said, it would definitely be bad if I deprived myself of the experiences of others affected by this disease.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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