The things I miss from life before multiple sclerosis
It takes so much effort to get through the day that I avoid social activities
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Because multiple sclerosis (MS) is so unpredictable, many of us experience a silent battle of grieving what was, while simultaneously navigating what will become of our lives. It might seem to an outsider that the sorrow comes from mourning only the loss of major milestones, but we also deal with an array of small casualties.
In my case, I sometimes experience an absence of physical freedom that alters my daily life. These are ordinary moments that others might take for granted, such as simply leaving the house, going for a walk when the weather’s nice, taking the stairs because they’re faster, carrying all of the groceries in one trip, or just driving from point A to point B.
These mundane physical activities are no longer mindless for me. I must constantly deliberate throughout the day to account for the toll that MS can take on my body, which might include a worsening of chronic fatigue, eye pain, excruciating migraines, or tingling in my arms and legs. I don’t miss the big endeavors in life as much as I wish I didn’t have to think about the distance to my car.
I miss experiencing summertime instead of always having to manage it. One of the activities I long for most is attending outdoor concerts. Going to outdoor venues used to bring me such joy, but with my MS-related heat intolerance, those days are long gone. Even if I take preventive measures, such as wearing a cooling vest, using ice packs, and drinking cold water, summertime fun still feels like a distant memory to me.
Other social details I miss include not having to explain why I have to leave an activity early, being fully present during conversations, not worrying about having to find the nearest chair, and not wondering whether people will believe me when I say I’m struggling. In fact, I’ll often stay home because of these things.
I often reminisce about the mindless days of the past, when I didn’t have to worry that symptoms might worsen at any given moment. I miss being able to say yes to things without having to calculate the cost.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
Paula Cruz
I Understand you, so well.
I used to travel, a lot! But with the progression of my MS (I have PPMS), it is more and more difficult to move around.... That's life!