I’m a disabled veteran, but sometimes it’s hard to explain

I have not been kind to my body over the years. I was very active in my old life, although I was a little clumsy even before multiple sclerosis (MS) started affecting my balance. Active and clumsy aren’t a great combination.

I accumulated plenty of bumps and bruises along the way, along with lots of injuries that required stitches and staples. You’d think a cast or two might be mentioned, but the only bone I ever broke was in my nose.

The downside to having good bone density while being accident-prone is apparently having lots of joint injuries. I’ve dislocated both shoulders and had multiple knee and ankle twists and sprains, resulting in three surgeries. As a result, I’ve resigned myself to daily anti-inflammatory medication, using braces as needed, and being able to feel a storm coming.

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‘Disabled Veteran’

Despite the aches and pains, I’m sometimes grateful for my injuries because I feel a strange need to justify my disability due to MS.

I have a wheelchair-accessible van with a license plate that says “Disabled Veteran.” While both of these words are true, when people see it and thank me for my service, I often find myself explaining that I wasn’t wounded in combat, but rather disabled by MS. I’ll occasionally even catch myself listing my other injuries, as if I’m trying to prove that I deserve the label.

I’m not ashamed to have multiple sclerosis, and sometimes it’s even invisible to me, too. I’ve written before about how MS can be confusing to others because it doesn’t fit with my prior life. In the military, people get hurt by doing hard things, not because of a chronic illness. Maybe I’m still trapped by that warped logic. Perhaps it’s why I feel the need to have “real” (visible) injuries to “earn” my disability.

As an article in Psychology Today pointed out, people feel a need to justify just about everything, including simple things like being hungry. Of course, we also try to justify our resentment. I certainly resent having MS and its various symptoms, and maybe that’s why I’m compelled to justify it.

Another part of it is that I probably don’t understand it completely, which makes it seem less real to me somehow. Perhaps that’s why I describe injuries that people can relate to when I feel the need to justify my condition.

Does anyone else feel this way? Please share in the comments below or join the discussion at our MS News Today Forums.

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