Columns Fall Down, Get Up Again- a Column by John Connor Looking Back in Anger Looking Back in Anger by John Connor | June 16, 2017 Share this article: Share article via email Copy article link Back in the day, I always wanted to be a columnist. That day was so long ago it was before sunrise. In my youthful naivety, I never thought about generating an idea a week. I also never considered it would be about my travails with an illness. Still, there is such a vast hinterland to MS that maybe it is possible. A news report in this week’s Multiple Sclerosis News Today gave scientific validity to something that I’m certain has affected me. Years ago, I mentioned anger issues to my neurologist and got something of a noncommittal stare. Maybe he was right ā I didn’t get annoyed. I was a member of an MS exercise group from near the beginning of my diagnosis in 2009. We started each session talking about our week. At first, this struck me as being somewhat hippy-dippy. But by the end, I found this more important than the exercise! We discussed anger after I really lost it at the class. The spark was immaterial āĀ there are rights and wrongs to every dispute āĀ but the outcome was an all-encompassing rage. In my case, it was to verbally demolish the physiotherapist running the group (violence never occurred to me even when I was able-bodied enough to indulge in it). There is an upside to a liberal education. What is not in dispute is that I lost all control of my feelings ā there was no filter. So this was blind rage? I’ve read about it, and indeed, met ex-cons who can go from zero to 100 faster than a Maserati. You curtail anything that will fuel their ability to accelerate. And here I was joining them in the overtaking lane. This had never happened to me before; my work life is at base drawing together a diverse and somewhat chaotic group of performers. Empathy and calmness whatever storm is occurring is a prerequisite for my job. You need some talent, sure, but no amount of that will keep the show on the road if you’re driving badly. Talking therapy may have helped, but from what I could garner from internet research this was probably a physical change in the brain, not a mental one. This first instance was some five-plus years ago and led to my family again having to adjust to something that was hidden, and like a sleeping volcano, it would just erupt. When my son was in the throes of his teenage years, I found it impossible to be a patient parent. Between his still developing brain and my degrading one, we clashed. When he was doing his first major exams at 16, we decided to go away for a brief holiday. It would give him the space to revise away from calls from his mates to party. His welfare was far more important, so I decided to stay at home. In those days, I could still look after myself reasonably well, and away from the heat of battle, make rational, calm decisions. Awareness of this hair trigger to anger has ameliorated it somewhat. The only time I still succumb is when walking. So much attention is devoted to staying upright that my usual command-and-control centers are offline. A while back, I started throwing a hissy fit at the dinner table. But hey, I was sitting down, so recovery was possible. “What’s really annoying is that I can’t even storm out of here!” Pause. Big laugh from all āĀ including me. So, that’s one line of my MS sitcom written… *** Note:Ā Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those ofĀ Multiple Sclerosis News Today, or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis. Print This Page About the Author John Connor In the ā80s, John Connor created the first regular column about the burgeoning London stand-up scene. In 1990 he wrote a book about its effect on the Edinburgh Festival: āComics: A Decade of Comedy at the Assembly Rooms.ā That year he also devised and ran a live topical stand-up team show at The London Comedy Store, The Edge (It was destroyed in 2020!). In 2009 John was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS, which cut short his main job as a TV casting director for āBlack Books,ā āMy Family,ā et al. Now, John writes āFall Down Get Up Again,ā an irreverent journey with MS. Tags anger, comedy, family Comments Fiona Tunilla Reading this has explained, perhaps, what could be going on with me. The rollercoaster of emotions you describe feels like my life in words. I'm the most placid person who is so positively nice it's almost sickening. Now...not so much! Thanks for explaining it so well. You've never met me but you know me better than my family. Reply Tris My husband has primary progressive MS diagnosed later in life. He unexpectedly has loud anger rages and always feels they are warranted and that the other person is in the wrong. He will not admit these hot tempered tantrums are MS related. I find this is one of the most difficult aspects of the MS as it is very damaging to relationships. Reply John Connor Hi Tris, Try to get your husband to read this column. As far as I know there is still no definitive proof about any of this but now that I'm aware of it as a possibility I tend to control the rages more. It's also annoying that now I'm far more disabled everyone can get away from me. They can just go upstairs! Bleeding cheek! Cheers John Reply John Connor It's hard on your family too. It's worth flagging up. Glad I may have helped. Cheers John. Reply Nina Edwards This is exactly what I've been trying to tell my family about my son's anger. He's had some anger issues regarding his dad at a young age. However, he's had MS for 23 years and he's 46 and his anger has increased. Thank you! Reply John Connor Hi Nina Get your son to read my column - I still get the rages. Usually [I'm aware] of them. Severe pain though is another thang! Cheers John Reply Rita de Cassia Please, does anyone know if there is any medication for those anger/mood swings issues in MS? The anger comes from nowhere and I will lose it, it seem there is no tomorrow. And then, I feel so bad for hurting people's feelings. I 've taken antidepressant before, but I don't want go back to it, because of all the side effects. I wish I could control it. Please help me. Thank you. Reply John Connor Hi Rita I don't know of any! But if everyone [inc u] is aware that this is a real thang it can help to ameliorate the issue! Cheers John Reply Josh M Hi, can someone please tell me how long anger brought on by MS can last? Is it possible that it can last days? Like can a person with MS be angry at someone for a couple days who unknowingly upset them? This happened to me and after a couple days of this person ignoring me bc she was angry, she won't tell me what it was that angered her so much because she now feels like it's nothing. But it hurt me so bad, honestly, and she won't communicate with me. thank you Reply Terry Smith I have ppms and was diagnosed 3 years ago. My anger can get really bad at times. My wife is fantastic and I never want to lose her. But I feel that one day she will just give up on me. Silly things can really get me mad. And I would never hurt my wife or children but I say some really nasty things sometimes. I have been on tables in the past for my anger and that was before I found out about the ms. I really wish I could stop being so angry. But itās just so frustrating and hard at times. Reply Cindy C. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago with Relapsing Remittent Multiple Sclerosis. The last few years I have this rage inside of me and I don't know where it comes from. I have done so really stupid stuff and hurt alot of peoples feelings. My relationship with my long time live in Boyfriend has really taken a toll to where I think hw is at his end, Although he doesn't help stop it it he adds fuel to the flame and then I really lose it and my feelings get hurt terribly. I have had these rage tantrums at work and then I have to face people the next day and I'm at the end of where I don't know what to do with it. I feel like just hiding away from everyone. My doctor seems to think it is not MS related but that is the only thing that has changed in my life and I've changed to the point of I don't like Me anymore. Reply Leave a comment Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published. Your Name Your Email Your Comment Post Comment
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