With Multiple Sclerosis, I Do Not Have to Feel Fine to Be Fine

My standard answer to "How are you?" is "Fabulous, how about yourself?"
I own My MS.....it doesn't own me. Regardless of how I actually feel, I normally look fine. I see it better to put a smile on my face and say "Fabulous!" than to make someone else have to listen to my garbage. I like being around happy, laughing, smiling people. Talking about My MS would kill those smiles. Besides, the people closest to me can tell just by looking at me whether I am feeling good or feeling bad. Nothing needs to be said, we ignore it until it needs attention. My MS is going to be with me forever. Complaining to people won't make it better. Might as well face it with a smile and a good attitude.

Jennifer Thank you for your words... they have been helpful to me! I have had MS for almost 11 years now and just beginning to grasp it all ... and figuring out 'me' with it! I am in my 50's and disappointed that in spite of my life experiences I have been struggling with the emotional impact it has taken on me and having been less than the kind, positive and resilient person I used to be. Having just read your words I immediately understood your comments about your dilemma about how to answer " how are you?" A light bulb went on as I realize that is one of the most difficult things I've found to negotiate in my life with this disease, suffice it to say, it has made me miserable... AND THEN I READ YOUR words as they popped up on my tablet from multiplesclerosisnewstoday.com and I felt relief... YES THAT IS HOW I FEEL TOO + your sharing how "unnecessarily exhausting and ultimately counterproductive" you felt at one time... THAT IS ME NOW:( However, I feel hopeful suddenly, less alone in my experience and more compassionate with myself. You've reminded me what I already knew but have been forgetting... I now feel inspired and braver to make peace with the difficult emotions and anger and resentment I've been struggling with - thank you for helping me understand myself better which may help me return to my more compassionate self that I seem to have lost in my struggle... I hope another step in acceptance of things as they are and making myself happier in the process and others too!

Kathleen

I'm with you Jenn!

At different times in the past fifteen years since my MS diagnosis, I've caught myself beginning to saturate friends with too many details, when asked how I'm doing. And thankfully, I've been able to re-examine my oral over-spillage of yuck and then, eliminated that need to talk in a Debbie-downer mode. When I don't enjoy a one-on-one conversation, I can easily point to having solely created that negativity. And then, I must forgive myself for pulling my friend into my dark spot to share. I want to be the upper, the one who brings people up, not pushes them down into the depths of despair with my personal anecdotes.

Forever grateful for a female friend who is an excellent listener and loves me unconditionally, I've even learned to select amounts of info to share with her because my time with her is so precious. We learn together, laugh together, share mother and grandmotherhood stories, and pray often together. Jesus is the center of our friendship and that is such a gift that I don't want anything to spoil it (especially details that no medicine or physician on earth can fix)!

For casual friends or acquaintances who ask how I'm feeling I like to respond that "EVERY day is a good day, although some are easier than others" and then quickly follow up with, "and I hope you're enjoying a good day like I am."

Oh, and I've learned a huge smile as I approach an individual I've never met is the best way to greet anyone. Because, as you said, I want to still be me, not just an MSer. And that's what Kelly does. She smiles. A lot!

Thank you for helping me keep my illness and my life in perspective!

I attend a physiotherapy exercises class and we often ask each other how we are. I can genuinely reply ' I'm fine thanks ' because I do feel better being out of the house and socialising with this friendly group of MSers.

I dunno, they gotta say something. Seems like when I get this question I always remember the line from the Jackson Brown lyric: "People ask you how you're doing 'cause it's easier than lettin' on how little they could care!"

So I just smile and say something to the effect: "I'm havin' more fun than I can stand!" That usually gets me a quizzical look and they continue right on with whatever they were doing. Jackson is right.

Whenever anyone asks how I am, I usually respond with “I’m good thanks, how are you”. Other people have their own stuff to deal with on a daily basis. Friends and loved ones who know me well, automatically know if I’m experiencing fatigue just by looking at me.
I’m a positive person and try to count my blessings.
I’m surrounded by wonderful friends and family and class myself as truly lucky. Although I do believe in karma...... you get back what you give out.

I usually say ok, meaning not good but that will suffice anyone who is just making small talk conversation. There are people we can trust and do care and that’s who I can share true feelings. Important for me to set tasks for a day and get through them and make time for family and friends that make me smile.