Chairborne - A Column by Ben Hofmeister

I’ve been afraid many times during my life, but I’ve almost always managed to get past the fear. One fear I haven’t gotten past comes with being handed a newborn child for the first time. Every birth might as well be twins: One nurse should hand you your child while…

Just before my last deployment, I remember sitting in a classroom with other Army Special Forces medics, listening to the representative from a supplier of chest injury dressings. It was common practice for suppliers to send someone to talk about or demonstrate their product as part of the contract.

One thing I learned during my Army medic training is that I’m not particularly squeamish — with most things, that is. I have a theory that everyone has at least one thing that will turn their stomach. Every medical provider I’ve met either knows exactly what can make them gag,…

A few years before I was married and had even thought about having children, I was at home alone when there was a knock at the door. I hadn’t lived there for long, and a small group of people had dropped by to welcome me to the neighborhood. I invited…

I spent the majority of my life wearing an Army uniform. As a result, I never had to worry about what I’d wear to work all those years. Come to think of it, I never had to worry about that during my civilian years, either. I’m the middle…

I almost didn’t write this column. It might be a sensitive topic, but I’m not afraid of offending anyone. Even if I do, it’s not intentional. It’s not that I don’t understand the subject, either. I think I do, but I’ve been having a lot of trouble putting it into…

Like so many others, I have a bedtime routine. There’s bedside water to fill, sleep attire to change into, and bedtime stories to read. These days I’m not much more than a bystander, as nearly everything I do requires the help of another person. I suppose I should really say…

I’ve been betrayed by my breakfast cereal. Other than eating it, I’m not sure what I did to deserve this. I always liked cereal and thought we had a good relationship. The only disagreement we’ve had was when I tried mixing two high-fiber cereals. The result was a bowl of…

I was once very good at getting out of the way. This skill served me well in dodgeball games when I was younger, and then later during my military career. Given my various injuries, you might be skeptical about that last comment, but I was actually renowned for my ability…

I had surgery on my right shoulder last month. I didn’t write about it at the time because compared with a shoulder replacement, the quick arthroscopic clean-out procedure wasn’t a big deal. The orthopedic surgeon removed some loose material from the joint area and cleaned it up without having to…

I spent a few of my years in the Army working as an instructor. It was never boring because I think I learned as much from teaching as my students did from being taught. My students weren’t new to the Army. For the most part, they were my peers…

I received a copy of “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows” for Christmas two years ago. It provides names for emotions that need defining, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed leafing through it. I’m not particularly sorrowful, and I don’t really find the majority of the text to be sorrowful, either.

I have a doctor’s appointment coming up soon. It isn’t with my neurologist or another specialist. It’s a routine visit with my primary care physician and, other than the regular schedule, isn’t really routine at all. There’s a lot more to me than my multiple sclerosis (MS), a fact…

By the time this column is published, I’ll be at the Consortium of Multiple Sclerosis Centers‘ annual meeting in Nashville, Tennessee. I’m honored to be attending as a representative of the Paralyzed Veterans of America (PVA) Multiple Sclerosis Committee. Along with the other committee members, I’ll help spread…

If I haven’t warned you that bits of my past in the military would sometimes leak into my present as a Multiple Sclerosis News Today columnist, consider yourself warned. I was in the U.S. Army for almost 22 years, so it’s bound to happen occasionally. If I’d become an…

I turn 49 next week. The fact that I’m in middle age already is unbelievable. I don’t think of myself as old. My mileage might be a little high, but I’m not old. I suppose I could consider myself to be vintage, like clothing, or perhaps even classic, like a…

Before multiple sclerosis (MS) took the normal functioning of my limbs, I enjoyed being in the kitchen — not merely to be underfoot or lick spoons and bowls, but to actually cook and bake. I won’t claim to have been a gourmet chef or anything like that, but I…

I feel like I’ve been in this exact place, saying exactly what I’m saying right now. Have I done this in a past life? Did I dream it and am now subconsciously acting it out in reality? Or is my brain performing a fact-check on its memory system and signaling…

Even as a small child, I enjoyed watching nature shows. They didn’t come on television often, but when they did, I absorbed every word. At school, I might not have been able to recite the Pythagorean theorem, but I could say with confidence that butterflies taste with their feet. That…

Training to become a U.S. Army Special Forces medic included all the things you might expect, as well as some you might not. Although trauma was our primary focus, we also had to be well versed in routine medicine and have a working knowledge of other aspects of healthcare.

In case there was any confusion, “Chairborne” is not an advice column. Well, not the kind of advice that comes from raw wisdom, anyway. Most of my lessons are closer to cautionary tales than anything else. The only reason I can suggest avoiding any mistake is because I’ve already…

The Cambridge Dictionary defines awareness as “knowledge that something exists, or understanding of a situation or subject at the present time based on information or experience.” That definition perfectly matches the stages of my personal awareness of multiple sclerosis (MS). I don’t recall hearing much, if anything, about…

I have not been kind to my body over the years. I was very active in my old life, although I was a little clumsy even before multiple sclerosis (MS) started affecting my balance. Active and clumsy aren’t a great combination. I accumulated plenty of bumps and bruises along…

Aside from a few unpleasant moments, I enjoyed my time as a medic in the U.S. military — so much so that when I began to slow down noticeably, I decided to continue in that field by applying to become a physician assistant (PA). I initially wanted to…

The U.S. military loves abbreviations and acronyms. So many of these are learned during a soldier’s first year that, to civilians, a conversation between service members might sound like a foreign language. It can be amusing, but the intention of this method of condensing words is not to confuse. It’s…

There are several good reasons why you won’t see me in television commercials for multiple sclerosis (MS) treatments anytime soon. For one, I’m not much of an actor, despite my brief moment of high school fame. For another, even though I wouldn’t go so far as to say that…

Just three years before I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), I was on what was to be my last overseas tour with the U.S. Army. One day while dozing during a lull in a mission, I was awakened by the sensation of someone standing over me.

Last month, I told you that while I’m not a psychologist, I’m fascinated by the subject. I should probably make a list of things I don’t do but still find interesting. One of those professions we can add to the list is historian. I enjoy reading and learning about…

Valentine’s Day is less than a week away. If you haven’t gotten anything for your significant other yet, let me add to the holiday’s commercialization by reminding you that time is running out. It really wasn’t my foremost intention to spur anyone into panicked action. This column isn’t even about…

I feel like I’ve written a lot of negative, maybe even depressing, columns lately. While multiple sclerosis (MS) can be a pretty negative and depressing subject, I’m normally a bit more upbeat. We’ve been having cold and gloomy weather lately, and I’d like to blame my low spirits on…