Chairborne - A Column by Ben Hofmeister

Even as a small child, I enjoyed watching nature shows. They didn’t come on television often, but when they did, I absorbed every word. At school, I might not have been able to recite the Pythagorean theorem, but I could say with confidence that butterflies taste with their feet. That…

Training to become a U.S. Army Special Forces medic included all the things you might expect, as well as some you might not. Although trauma was our primary focus, we also had to be well versed in routine medicine and have a working knowledge of other aspects of healthcare.

In case there was any confusion, “Chairborne” is not an advice column. Well, not the kind of advice that comes from raw wisdom, anyway. Most of my lessons are closer to cautionary tales than anything else. The only reason I can suggest avoiding any mistake is because I’ve already…

The Cambridge Dictionary defines awareness as “knowledge that something exists, or understanding of a situation or subject at the present time based on information or experience.” That definition perfectly matches the stages of my personal awareness of multiple sclerosis (MS). I don’t recall hearing much, if anything, about…

I have not been kind to my body over the years. I was very active in my old life, although I was a little clumsy even before multiple sclerosis (MS) started affecting my balance. Active and clumsy aren’t a great combination. I accumulated plenty of bumps and bruises along…

Aside from a few unpleasant moments, I enjoyed my time as a medic in the U.S. military — so much so that when I began to slow down noticeably, I decided to continue in that field by applying to become a physician assistant (PA). I initially wanted to…

The U.S. military loves abbreviations and acronyms. So many of these are learned during a soldier’s first year that, to civilians, a conversation between service members might sound like a foreign language. It can be amusing, but the intention of this method of condensing words is not to confuse. It’s…

There are several good reasons why you won’t see me in television commercials for multiple sclerosis (MS) treatments anytime soon. For one, I’m not much of an actor, despite my brief moment of high school fame. For another, even though I wouldn’t go so far as to say that…

Just three years before I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), I was on what was to be my last overseas tour with the U.S. Army. One day while dozing during a lull in a mission, I was awakened by the sensation of someone standing over me.

Last month, I told you that while I’m not a psychologist, I’m fascinated by the subject. I should probably make a list of things I don’t do but still find interesting. One of those professions we can add to the list is historian. I enjoy reading and learning about…

Valentine’s Day is less than a week away. If you haven’t gotten anything for your significant other yet, let me add to the holiday’s commercialization by reminding you that time is running out. It really wasn’t my foremost intention to spur anyone into panicked action. This column isn’t even about…

I feel like I’ve written a lot of negative, maybe even depressing, columns lately. While multiple sclerosis (MS) can be a pretty negative and depressing subject, I’m normally a bit more upbeat. We’ve been having cold and gloomy weather lately, and I’d like to blame my low spirits on…

My father taught me to play chess when I was barely old enough to say the names of the pieces.  I wasn’t a child prodigy or anything like that. I never joined a chess club or competed in a single tournament. I simply enjoyed the game…

I’m not a psychologist, but if you’re a regular reader of my column, you know that I’m intrigued by the subject. I seem to be particularly drawn to unusual conditions and making amateurish comparisons to multiple sclerosis (MS). In my defense, MS has odd symptoms, so…

About four years before I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), someone else inadvertently “diagnosed” me. This person wasn’t medically trained, probably had no personal knowledge of MS, and didn’t actually use the words “multiple sclerosis.” Still, they gave me one of the best clues in my quest…

The new year is nearly upon us, so if you’re planning to make any resolutions, you should probably narrow down the list. As I said last year, I’m not in the habit of making any, but I did resolve to foster a sense of hope. I still have what…

I’m not very good at this sort of thing, but depending on whether or not you count today and the 25th itself, we’ve got about four days left until Christmas. If I still needed to get my wife anything, I’d be entering shopping panic mode about now. Fortunately, I don’t…

When I was in the military, I wore several different hats. A U.S. Special Forces team has only 12 soldiers, so we couldn’t afford for anyone to know just one trick, no matter how good that trick might be. In addition to each person’s primary job, everyone had to know…

Counting today, there are only 18 shopping days left until Christmas. Unless you’re one of those annoying people who did all their gift buying months ago and won’t stop talking about it, the clock is ticking. I guess that makes me one of those annoying people who reminds you of…

I encountered multiple sclerosis (MS) for the first time in a Valdosta High School math class. Before my geometry teacher was diagnosed, I had never known anyone with the disease and, in all likelihood, was completely ignorant about it. I would hear the name again about 10 years…

I’ve warned you in previous columns that you might have to endure a rambling story or two from my military past. It’s just that there are so many lessons from the experience that pertain to my multiple sclerosis (MS). It was supposed to rain later that evening, so…

As I’ve mentioned a time or two, my wife and I have three boys. Although they’re all under the age of 12, they’ve started to talk like the budding teenagers they are. As they mingle with peers more than their parents, their vocabulary in particular becomes less like ours every…

There are a lot of things that I’m afraid of. That seems to come with the territory when you have a chronic disease like multiple sclerosis (MS), or when you’re a parent. At the same time, I don’t have any phobias that I’m aware of. To date, I…

Halloween is five days away, and if you have kids, you’re running out of time to have your costumes ready. My wife and our three boys have everything figured out, minus some finishing touches — unless I want to dress up, of course. Fortunately, I wasn’t planning on it because…

I try not to let my life revolve around multiple sclerosis (MS), but there’s no escaping the fact that the disease affects every part of it. That’s a bit of a conundrum and often frustrates me to no end. If there’s a bright side to be found, it’s that…

With my kids in school, me being retired, and, of course, the limitations of my multiple sclerosis (MS), I have a lot of free time on my hands. I’d like to say that I always use it productively, but that’s far from the truth. I putter — if you…

Back in spring, I wrote about the fatigue that accompanies multiple sclerosis (MS) and how difficult it was to describe and for others to understand. That’s true, of course, but really, the entirety of MS is difficult to explain. Factor in the variety of symptoms and the…

I ask a lot of questions. I have to, because I’ve come to realize that I don’t actually know that much. Asking questions (even to myself) is the only solution. Oddly enough, though, learning new things doesn’t completely scratch my itch, as the answers just keep showing me how much…

I’ve never been one to worry too much about what my purpose in life is. It’s not that I’m incapable of being philosophical, or that I was ever too egotistical to think I needed one. I suppose I just thought that if I had a purpose, it’d work…

Recently, I was asked about the design on the left side of my “Chairborne” banner. A friend from my previous occupation humorously noted that in the original graphic, there’s a skull in the center where the wheelchair now resides. I pointed out that in my current state, a wheelchair…