Columns Fall Down, Get Up Again- a Column by John Connor The Captain and His No. 2 The Captain and His No. 2 by John Connor | March 4, 2022 Share this article: Share article via email Copy article link There I was, swinging away in my hoist at 9 p.m., though my swinging London of the 2020s wasn’t only 60 years later, it was also a lot, lot grimmer. My carer and maybe still wife, Jane, stood below in a controlled fury. If nothing else, she might turn this into the roaring ’20s. Fitting. Iāve been using an anal catheter for three years, which has changed my life, as I no longer must spend hours straining on a commode. The catheter arrived at a precipitous time, too, as I was about to completely collapse into secondary progressive MS. I no longer would have the ability to even transfer from my wheelchair to the commode without a great deal of help. Recommended Reading February 2, 2022 News by Lindsey Shapiro, PhD How Eating Meat Affects MS via Gut Microbiome, Immune Cells Detailed It’s taken me the last three years to master the contraption. Injecting water into one’s “bot-bot” every morning is fraught with difficulties. Too little and youāll be a hostage to not clearing your, ahem, passage. Which usually leads to it doing it on its ownsome. Oh dear! Too much and ā oh dear! ā one turns into an oil gusher. Thankfully, I still have a fully working left arm. Considering the collapse thatās happened to the rest of me, I can still manage the operation all on my own. All it took was a very large builder’s bucket, which is, after all, designed to deal with all sorts of crap. Itās the right height both to slip under my commode and for me to niftily hold the nozzle inside ye olde orifice while my left hand can then do the requisite pumping. So if I’d become such a dab hand at all of this, why had things gone so disastrously wrong? The luxury accessory that complements any wet room. (Photo by John Connor) If only I knew. For a change, the cliche “sh*t happens” had never been truer. I’d started leaking at 3 p.m., and from there it’d been unceasing. Iām well aware of my capacity in that particular area and these days never overload it. Sorry, this is getting me down. Let alone any of you whoāve stuck with this excruciating tale. Still, this is what our families’ lives are sometimes reduced to. A report from the front line. Hardly a front line of consequence. My mistake was not to report my mishap earlier. It was dealt with by carting me off to the wet room on my trusty commode, where a last few final ejections where safely emitted and I could shower off. So for the few hardy souls whoāve made it to the, ahem, end, this has been my recent view from the almighty poop deck. Iām well aware that this cheeky ā sorry, I canāt seem to stop, which is what got me here in the first place ā use of the nautical term “poop deck” refers to the raised lookout area at the aft (oops, I nearly wrote “rear”) of sailing ships. It originates from the French word for stern, “la poupe.” Anyhoo, I’m happy to report that all is now well that (finally) ends well. Note:Ā Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those ofĀ Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis. Print This Page About the Author John Connor In the ā80s, John Connor created the first regular column about the burgeoning London stand-up scene. In 1990 he wrote a book about its effect on the Edinburgh Festival: āComics: A Decade of Comedy at the Assembly Rooms.ā That year he also devised and ran a live topical stand-up team show at The London Comedy Store, The Edge (It was destroyed in 2020!). In 2009 John was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS, which cut short his main job as a TV casting director for āBlack Books,ā āMy Family,ā et al. Now, John writes āFall Down Get Up Again,ā an irreverent journey with MS. Tags anal catheter, managing MS symptoms, secondary progressive MS Comments Leave a comment Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published. Your Name Your Email Your Comment Post Comment
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