Being Able to Laugh at Yourself Is Vital When Living With MS

I had a glass of wine thrown in my face on the evening of my wedding anniversary.

I was taken completely by surprise — well, maybe not completely. After all, the person who threw it has a reputation for that sort of thing. I was pretty irritated, though, because a mature adult should have more self-control than that. Also, I don’t really feel like I deserved it from him.

It was me. I’m the one who threw the wine.

My hands and arms are almost completely unaffected by my intrathecal baclofen, since the catheter only extends to the bottom of my ribcage. Because of this, they are still prone to all the delights of multiple sclerosis (MS) spasticity, which include the random spasm.

I was sitting in bed with my wife, holding the glass in my more affected right hand, when I suddenly sneezed. This triggered a spasm where my hand tightened around the glass (plastic, actually — this isn’t my first rodeo) and my arm flexed suddenly at the elbow. My glass came toward my mouth, like I was going to take a sip, only about 10 times faster. In retrospect, I suppose I should be grateful that I didn’t throw the glass along with its contents and that my hand stopped short of my face.

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Despite being a “silver linings” type of guy, I wasn’t grateful at the moment. Instead, I sat there stunned, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in surprise, as a nice pinot noir dripped off my eyebrows, the end of my nose, my beard, and the wall behind me. My wife was stunned, too, but recovered before I did, tossing me a box of tissues and grabbing a towel to sponge up the mess before it completely soaked into the bedclothes.

At first, not a word passed between us. My wife broke the silence with a shoulder-shaking snort that I almost mistook for a sob. That started an avalanche of laughter from both of us, salvaging what could have been a moment of depressing, resentful despair. She even brought me another glass of wine.

Embracing the power of humor

It wasn’t always like this. In the early years of dealing with this disease, we didn’t laugh much. I was going through the stages of grief and didn’t take into account that the people who cared about me were, too. I like to say I take MS as seriously as it takes me. I think my wife and I take it very seriously, but it’s impossible to be rigidly serious about something so unpredictable. MS isn’t funny, but life can be, and being able to laugh at ourselves — at myself — has made us a stronger MS couple.

If you read any of John Connor’s columns for Multiple Sclerosis News Today, you know I’m not the only one who thinks this way. There’s a lot of inspiration to be found in his musings about his and his wife’s life with MS.

In my past occupation in the U.S. Army, we’d avoid people who couldn’t be criticized, couldn’t laugh at themselves, and lost control of their temper over words or some perceived slight. These were the people most likely to crack under pressure. Multiple sclerosis is an immense pressure, and without being able to laugh at myself, or be laughed at, I would break under it.

Being able to laugh at yourself is sometimes called self-deprecating humor. While it can show an underlying humbleness and a strong sense of calm confidence, it can also have a dark side. Sometimes, self-deprecating humor can be a self-critical defense mechanism, and I don’t know that it’s always either-or. I’m pretty sure I’ve done both and probably will again. Like any number of things, knowing the difference seems to make the difference.

As I close this week’s column, I wanted to share a little humor with you. While researching self-deprecating humor, I started to Google self-deprecating vs. being able to laugh at yourself. I got as far as the “vs” and saw the following results. Maybe one day I’ll opine on the third one, but not today.

A recent Google search. (Screenshot via Ben Hofmeister)

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.