Finding safety while living with the constant threat of MS progression
Like the animals in nature documentaries, I'm never entirely out of danger
Even as a small child, I enjoyed watching nature shows. They didn’t come on television often, but when they did, I absorbed every word. At school, I might not have been able to recite the Pythagorean theorem, but I could say with confidence that butterflies taste with their feet. That didn’t help me much in geometry, but it’s really math’s fault for not having more fascinating documentaries.
In my opinion, the shows have gotten even better over the years. Today, the sweep and scale of the cinematography alone is dazzling, but nearly every element of productions seems grander. However, either they’ve taken on a slightly darker twist, or I’ve become soft in my middle years.
There seems to be an almost deliberate attempt to make me emotionally invested in an animal’s well-being. Then, just as I reach a peak level of concern for some obscure mollusk, David Attenborough’s calm voice informs me that a predator is approaching and now the mollusk is in mortal peril. As I grip the arms of my chair hard enough to leave marks, he matter-of-factly narrates the outcome. Even when the animal escapes the situation, I’m still not allowed to completely relax. Attenborough’s voice, with an almost detectable note of disappointment, informs me that “the danger has passed — for now!”
‘Danger lurks nearby’
That’s actually a good example of keeping the viewer’s attention. Unfortunately, I find that multiple sclerosis (MS) often uses the same technique, just without the same superb narration. I’m not sure why it bothers, though; it doesn’t need a technique to have my complete attention. It’s not as though I can turn off the show or switch to something better. Nature is cruel, and so is MS progression.
My symptoms began in my legs, with a limp caused by foot drop. Even at the time of my diagnosis, I thought that as long as it never got any worse, the disease wouldn’t be too bad. I had built quite an emotional (and physical) attachment to my legs over the episodes of my life and thought they were safe. I missed the “for now” part, because my MS did get worse, and I took my last steps six years later.
As the disability in my legs progressed, I thought that at least I still had full function in my hands and arms — but multiple sclerosis had other plans. Now, it’s like I almost hear the narration, “His fingers seem safe, but danger lurks nearby!”
With the passing of the years, the same thing has happened with nearly every part of the documentary I call life. At some point, my vision, balance, bladder control, and cognition have all been put in peril. My relationships, career, lifestyle, hobbies, and mental well-being are also under threat.
This time I’m the creature whose life I’m invested in. I can’t change the channel, but I’m not simply a distant, concerned viewer, anyway. I can and will advocate for myself and seek the comfort of my herd. With MS, I’m never out of danger, but I can still feel safe.
In case you were wondering, thanks to voice-to-text tools, my column, with its occasionally snide outlook on our disease, is safe — for now.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
About the Author
Comments