Learning to say no takes practice, but it’s essential in life with MS
There's power in prioritizing my health and honoring my limits
Many of my personal breakthroughs and discoveries occurred during college, when I was living in a new city as a young adult with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS). One of those “aha!” moments was understanding that saying no takes practice, but it’s a necessary aspect of life.
A few years later, I’m still actively practicing this skill. There wasn’t a particular occurrence that brought on this realization, but rather an accumulation of burnout episodes and declines in my health.
For much of my life, I tended to prioritize other people’s needs and desires over my own ā simply because I never wanted to disappoint anyone or create conflict. As a result, I said yes to just about everything, which took a toll on my well-being.
Throughout college, my plate was always filled to the point of breaking for the sake of productivity. Saying yes to every role, research or work opportunity, and social gathering that presented itself left my battery drained with little to no time to recover, which ultimately resulted in higher levels of chronic fatigue. In addition, I’m easily overwhelmed, and being so stressed exacerbated all of my MS symptoms.
The benefits of saying no
During those times, there was a voice in the back of my head telling me to slow down, rest, and take a step back if needed. This voice was my mom.
My mom has repeatedly reminded me that my circumstances are different from those around me, but it’s taken me years to understand that slowing down, resting, and taking a step back can sometimes mean saying no.
Declining events or opportunities can take a considerable amount of practice if you’re accustomed to always accepting. But saying no is a way to prioritize ourselves and honor our limitations. Other benefits include establishing boundaries, limiting stress, and reducing feelings of resentment.
In 2022, a group of researchers at the University of Texas at Austin published a systematic review in the journal Multiple Sclerosis and Related Disorders examining the relationship between stress and MS. Evidence supported a link between stress and MS relapse, highlighting the importance of keeping our stress to a minimum.
Living with MS poses enough daily challenges and obstacles. We shouldnāt exhaust our precious time and energy if we donāt need to do so.
Saying no is easier said than done, but remember that āNoā is a full sentence.
Note:Ā Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice,Ā diagnosis, orĀ treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those ofĀ Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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Comments
Mia Buchsein
How very true! I have a multitude of other physical and mental diagnoses other than my RRMS. I was putting myself out there mentally, physically, and financially for too long. My Bestie has been working very hard with me for several years to "Let Go" and see what happens. Releasing the ties that bind us to others. I was being taken for granted and used because I was allowing it. With my recent diagnosis, my Bestie and my counselor are tweaking my plan. Now it is even more detrimental to put myself under so much stress. It is an ongoing, conscious decision that I am making for ME! And guess what? The takers have "moved on" to their next giver. Wishing you all the best in your journey. Your story has inspired me to persevere. Thank you!
Karen
Thank you for sharing. A great reminder when making decisions for myself. š¤
Merlene Cook
For fifty years, I have jouneyed with MS. 45 years I was diagnosed with relapsing remitting but now more progressive. I relate my success to making changes on the way. I listened to my inner voice. Complete rest, reviewing my stresses and eliminating some friendships that did not support or understand the realities I faced. Saying ' no ' is hard. Especially, if 'yes' is natural to your personality. Often, I pushed myself to meet others wishes and my own. Only to find myself left to contend with a flareup alone. Others never saw this stage as I went into hibernation. With each attack, I would scolled myself for once again making poor choices. It took years to put myself first. I finally saw myself. as a MS twin . A twin that needed to be pampered and was put first in my choices. When I listened to my twin , I was more successful in flareup duration . Fortunate I was.. MS path will be dictate differently for others.
Now in the progressive stage, the symtoms are more permanent. Lately, I experienced a progression in an untouched area. Symptoms were moving fast up the entire right side. I should have known days before. The MS HUG had returned with a vengance . The onset of extreme fatigue and complete loss of bladder control. I WENT TO BED and mostly stayed there for a week. Cancelled all commitments. After 2 weeks, that decision resulted in returning to pre-flareup condition . No additional symtoms. Again, it worked for me. Lucky this time.
So I continue to say no when my twin tells me so. I DO NOT FIGHT IT.....it guides me. MS is a daily analysis of giving in. Listen and React. My hope is that those who journey similar paths have some control. Saying NO is a big part it.