Communication in relationships is crucial when living with MS
How my boyfriend's love helps me navigate life with the condition
After I was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS) in 2016, I thought I’d never find a partner who understood the complexities and nuances of my condition. For years, I wondered, “If I can barely comprehend the knowns and unknowns of living with MS, how could anyone else?”
Oh boy, was I wrong.
When I first met my partner, Marcus, I wasn’t sure when the right time would be to share my diagnosis, but I knew that if we were going to build a life together, he needed to know sooner rather than later.
Desiree Lama and her partner, Marcus Silva. (Photo by Manuela Lama)
I eventually snuck it into a conversation about our experiences with COVID-19 and explained that my first bout with the virus was intense, lasting about a month. In this rant, I revealed that having MS didn’t help my case of COVID-19. Marcus couldn’t have been more accepting of my condition.
Shortly after we met, we moved in with each other, and I knew he would see me at my worst and best. Before him, I’d never been in a serious relationship and had shared my daily struggles with only my mom, brother, aunt, and best friend. Even then, when I tried to express my feelings, I could never formulate an accurate description of my current state of health. Being open and communicative about my everyday challenges with my boyfriend has been a learning curve.
Even though I still struggle to find the right words during a crisis, Marcus is patient, kind, and understanding. I constantly remind myself, however, that one of the keys to maintaining a loving and healthy relationship is communication. Unspoken words can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.
Many times my MS symptoms get the better of me and everything feels too overwhelming, leaving me in tears. In those instances, Marcus holds me tightly until my tears subside, and his smile lets me know that everything will be OK. Being held by someone you love can make the world — and even MS — momentarily quiet. Embracing and accepting my boyfriend’s love has made living with this condition a lot less lonely and isolating, especially when my family is in a different city.
Just as the seasons change each year, love also transforms and grows, and my MS journey regularly shifts direction. There may not be a cure for MS, but for me, unconditional love from my person is the next best thing.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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Lucinda Martinez
I really loved reading the above post, its beautifully written and I can identify totally with what Desiree says.
Thank you for putting your thoughts and feelings into words. Best wishes. Lucinda
Giselle Haupert
Thank you for sharing your touching story. I’ve had MS for 24 years. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk. We are STRONG!
Kit Minden
We have been married for over 40 years and now we have been coping with MS all this time. It's important to not blame yourselves for all MS's roadblocks, It takes work to incorporate this thought into your life. The big aid to finding success is communication. Over and over.
Kit
Penelope Mitchell
Hi, I am 77 years old and still active, and although I I wasn’t diagnosed with MS until I was 42, my condition has remained stable since. After my diagnosis I never took any prescribed medications because I always seemed to have some side effects contrary to doctors expectations before my diagnosis. So I became my own self advocate and continued my over the counter multiple vitamins and unexpectedly found a relationship of my MS to my allergies thru tests for my asthma. I’ve stayed away from my allergens eliminating them from both my diet and environment, and it has made me free from numbness, tingling sensations and other symptoms associated with MS. My neurologist has been so impressed with my stability, I am only scheduled to see a neurologist every two years. I walk with a cane for stability outside, but in my home I never use one. I’m stable enough that I am even able to bowl on a league helping me with my balance and a little exercise. Sharing this so that you might be encouraged as my initial neurologist encouraged me by telling me that I didn’t have to get rid of my high heels that I always wobbled in, but I should keep them anticipating that I might be able to wear them comfortably in the future. Good luck and stay positive. Makes all the difference in the world.👍🏽🧡