My MS, my truth: The comparison trap doesn’t define my journey
Why I compared myself with others, and why I've curbed that tendency
Comparison is generally considered an innate human tendency, whether we realize it or not. And it’s not necessarily a negative phenomenon, though we often think of it that way. However, comparison does have the potential to be a complex emotional process, especially in the context of living with multiple sclerosis (MS).
Soon after being diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS at 17 years old, while still in high school, I struggled with comparing my journey with that of others. I sometimes attribute that tendency to being diagnosed at a young age, as well as not being aware of MS before I learned I had it.
I remember going to MS fundraisers and other events hosted by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society without seeing people in my age bracket, which always made me feel out of place. I believe that’s where my tendency to compare myself with others began, because no matter where I went, I was always the youngest person with MS. As a result, I felt isolated.
What I learned from a problem
I remember feeling a sense of impostor syndrome because I was telling myself that others had it worse than me. This sense often caused me to downplay how I was feeling, thus invalidating my own experiences. When I saw or met others who were further along in their journeys, it made me question if it were in my jurisdiction to say that I was living with MS.
I didn’t understand that, needless to say, we don’t have to earn our place in the MS community. Just because our version of life with MS is different from the next person’s doesn’t mean it’s invalid; it just reflects our distinct humanity and truth.
As for not knowing about my MS before I was told I had it, that was another factor contributing to my early tendency to compare. When I received my diagnosis, the words “multiple sclerosis” felt foreign to me; I simply didn’t understand what they meant. I thought every person with MS had similar stories and experiences, which I eventually learned was anything but true.
It wasn’t until I began working with Multiple Sclerosis News Today that my mindset began to shift. Having the opportunity to talk to and engage with the MS community made me realize that my perception didn’t necessarily capture the range of what life with MS can actually be.
First and foremost, our journeys are unique to each of us. From the onset of our first symptoms to our diagnoses and everything after, our stories are extraordinarily our own. Rather than comparing my story with others, I’ve begun hearing other people’s stories and learning from them.
There’s so much value and power in sharing our lived experiences with one another. And while it’s true that we’re all different and may experience a symptom differently, there’s still some level of relatability and understanding that has the potential to bring forth comfort. Our journeys with MS are not competitions. Living with MS is already challenging enough; we shouldn’t add an extra layer of burden by comparing our experiences.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
About the Author
Aranzazu Calzado
You are so right. As we say in Spain, “comparisons are hateful.” I used to fall into that trap; constantly measuring myself against others. Whether I felt better or worse than someone else, it was never a healthy or realistic way to navigate my journey. Eventually, I realized that this mindset was only holding me back. So, I made a conscious decision to let go of comparisons and instead channel that energy into better understanding and supporting the many facets of life with MS. And honestly, it’s made a world of difference.
Christia Nealy
Desiree, I love your article about not comparing yourself to other people with MS. I can so relate to your experience of attending MS support groups and being not only the youngest person in the room, but the most independently mobile person in the room. I remember the feeling of isolation and feeling that maybe I was misdiagnosed. In addition, I often encounter people who say things like “oh my cousin has MS and they’re doing fine” as though my MS symptoms are somehow not valid because their cousin isn’t experiencing them. Great article.
Hilary
What a refreshing read Desiree. Thank you for your honesty and truthfulness. Completely relatable...... altho I am 65! Look forward to your further articles.