How the 5 types of impostor syndrome can affect those with MS

With my kids in school, me being retired, and, of course, the limitations of my multiple sclerosis (MS), I have a lot of free time on my hands. I’d like to say that I always use it productively, but that’s far from the truth.

I putter — if you can do that from a wheelchair. I assume you can, but the dictionary definition is a little vague on that point. Regardless, only some of my activities are truly aimless. I watch television, surf the internet on my tablet (and then the smaller internet on my phone), and read.

Not all of my reading is about multiple sclerosis, though, for obvious reasons, I do devote quite a bit of time to it. I still keep up with topics from my past life in the U.S. Army, and recently, I came across an article about impostor syndrome as it applies to military special operators. It was a fascinating read, prompting me to consider how the syndrome affects those of us with a chronic disease.

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Impostor syndrome is essentially the feeling that, despite your successes, you don’t possess the attributes that others think you do, and you fear being found out as a fraud. According to Valerie Young, an expert on the topic and co-founder of the Impostor Syndrome Institute, there are five types of impostor syndrome. I believe each type correlates to feelings that those of us with MS might experience.

First, we have the Perfectionist. This type believes that there’s always something they could’ve done better, and that they’ll never be as good as others think they are.

With my very visible disabilities, I occasionally hear words like “hero” and “inspiration” to describe me. Most people probably use those terms because they think they’re supposed to. I smile and express my thanks because I think that’s what I’m supposed to do. But I feel like a fraud sometimes because hearing that I’m a hero or an inspiration reminds me of all the times when I wasn’t.

Second is the Expert. This type feels like a fraud because they don’t know everything there is to know about a certain subject.

Two weeks ago, I wrote about realizing how much I don’t know about my MS — but it wasn’t always like that. There was a time when I tried hard to project my expertise about how my disease would (or would not) progress. Being wrong so often has proven otherwise. This type of impostor syndrome also tempts me to compare myself with others. If someone is doing “better” than I am, it must be because I don’t know enough. I hope no one notices.

Next is the Natural Genius. With this type, a person might feel like an impostor because they don’t believe they’re naturally intelligent or able to master a task on the first try.

If I were smarter, then I’d have seen MS coming. Whether that would’ve made a difference is anyone’s guess. I saw the symptoms, but ignored them until I couldn’t anymore. I don’t feel intelligent at all. Stubborn, maybe, but I’ll try to hide that, too.

Then there’s the Soloist. If you aren’t able to accomplish something on your own, you question the value of your abilities.

I have MS, but MS doesn’t have me. I don’t need any help. I can do it all by myself. I hope nobody sees the impostor behind the curtain and realizes the truth: It does, I do, and I can’t.

Finally, we have the Superhuman. With this type of impostor syndrome, you might believe you’re a fraud if you fail to reach the highest achievement possible.

I sometimes wish I had a billboard mounted above my wheelchair that listed all of my accomplishments. When I imagine people thinking that I’m just not trying hard enough or have given up, I could point to it and say, “See, I did things. Hard things. Things that scared me. But I never once quit!”

Yeah, yeah, go ahead and say it. I’m just projecting my feelings onto them and hoping they don’t see that sometimes, when MS gives me a setback, I feel like that billboard is a fake.

I still feel like an impostor from time to time, but it’s nothing compared with my early years with multiple sclerosis. The support of friends and family changed that — or maybe it was my acceptance of their acceptance. It’s hard to say, but what isn’t hard is acknowledging that sharing the whirlwind of my emotions and experiences with you all makes a huge difference.

Thank you for reading and commenting. Thank you for letting me be me instead of an impostor.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.