I’ve got many things to be thankful for, but I’m not thanking MS yet
Despite all the good in my life, I'm still not grateful for the disease
“Don’t thank me yet.”
Whenever I use that phrase, I mean it in the way it’s traditionally meant. Whatever it is that you’re thanking me for isn’t complete, so wait until I’m done in case you’re not entirely thankful for the results. That’s how I’ve perceived the idiom for most of my life, but I’m now considering that it might have a slightly different meaning.
If multiple sclerosis (MS) could talk, or was even capable of caring whether or not I’m grateful, it would probably tell me not to thank it until I’ve considered all the reasons I shouldn’t. There’s a lot of good in my life, but I maintain that it’s in spite of MS, and not because of it. Every time it occurs to me to be grateful for something that could be considered a result of this disease, I can hear MS telling me, “Don’t thank me yet.”
Today is Thanksgiving in the U.S. — the day I’m supposed to think about all the things I’m thankful for. I plan on doing exactly that, but I refuse to pretend that MS is among them.
If asked, I could come up with a long list of reasons for which I am grateful. If you haven’t noticed, I’m cynical, but not that cynical. The following is just a break from tradition. A somewhat tongue-in-cheek way of expressing the things I think but never say aloud.
So, this year, instead of a traditional gratitude list, allow me to present a few items on my “unthankful” list.
What I’m not thankful for
First and foremost, I am not thankful that I spent most of last week in the hospital with pneumonia. (I’ll share more on that in next week’s column.) I’m grateful that we caught it when we did and cleared it up with the appropriate treatment. However, since it was most likely due to certain symptoms of my MS, I definitely feel like my chronic illness is laughing at me and telling me not to thank it yet.
I’m spending the holiday today with my extended family, and I am so thankful that my loved ones have gone out of their way to accommodate my needs. Being included never mattered to me as much as it does now. A ramp will be available so that I can get my wheelchair into the house, a bedroom and bathroom will be made accessible, and if I’m feeling particularly weak, people will jump at the chance to stuff food in my mouth. I’m not ready to thank MS yet, though. After all, I wouldn’t need any accommodations if it weren’t for the disease.
Speaking of food, my grandfather used to cook part of the traditional Thanksgiving meal, and I always intended to carry that on. I also intended to contribute my own dishes, but MS took away my ability to do so. I’m thankful that I get to spend the day with people I love, but once again, MS is reminding me that even though I’m participating, it’s never going to be in the way I’d like.
In addition to family, I’ll also exchange a ton of well wishes with friends today. For those who knew me long before MS entered my life, I am so grateful that we’re still friends, but I’m not thankful that you had to be put to the test. To the friends I’ve made in the MS community: You’re some of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’m thankful for you, but I hesitate to thank MS because I’m not entirely grateful that the disease is what brought us together.
Charm probably hasn’t had much to do with it, but in many ways, I lead a charmed life. I know I sound bitter, and maybe I am a little. There are plenty of good things in my life that might be connected to living with MS. On this day — and on every day, really — I intend to give thanks, but I’m not ready to thank MS yet.
I’m sure I’m not the only one with a slightly snarky attitude. What’s on your unthankful list? Please share in the comments below or at the Multiple Sclerosis News Today Forums.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
About the Author
Trish Nafotz
As always appreciate your sense of humour grounded in the reality that we all face. Our grumbles are part of the holiday season concert, deserving to be heard just ilke the percussion instruments. Hey, when I yelp and groan from pain, isn't that music too?
Lisa Kemppainen
Well, although I understand everything written in this article perspective is everything. Here was my writing today.
Every year at the Thanksgiving table the words “I am grateful for my health” are spoken. I used to say that. I used to believe I truly was.
Looking back I wasn’t. I took being able to dress myself for granted. I took knowing my hands would lift a fork to my mouth for granted. I took mobility for granted.
And along with all the things I “ didn’t take for granted” I also got a hard core, beautiful, life changing lesson about finding gratitude in everything, all the time, everywhere - even in the suffering.
I am so grateful for all of it and never again will I fail to find gratitude for every moment of being alive - whatever comes with that.
Thanks MS for teaching me how to ask for help.
Thanks MS for all the relationships and people I have because of you.
Thanks MS for teaching me how to sit still.
Thanks MS for teaching me patience
Thanks MS for teaching me how to be a resourceful
Thanks, MS for teaching me how to live in the present moment
Thanks MS for teaching me my worth is not what I can do, but rather who I am
Thanks, MS for showing me how courageous I am
Thanks MS for making me a better therapist
Thanks MS for teaching me that people love me regardless of my physical appearance.
Thanks MS for teaching me how to let go of control
Thanks MS for reminding me that things always work out and I am always cared and provided for
Thanks MS for teaching me how to love my body, even when it doesn’t look the way I want it to or it used to
Thanks MS for being the reason I found the love of my life.
Thanks MS for teaching me humility
Thanks MS for teaching me how to live in the present moment.
Thanks MS for teaching me my worth is not in what I do, but rather in who I am.
Thanks MS clarifying my values and what I care about
Thanks MS for teaching me how to live with gratitude.
Thanks MS for allowing others the opportunity to take care of me.
Thanks MS for teaching me how to listen to my body and treat it kindly.
Thanks MS for teaching me to have compassion for myself and for others who are living with disability and inequality.
Thanks so much for teaching me how to live more simply
Diana
I’m thankful that I was born with an ‘ always look on the bright side of life’ attitude. My mantra is ‘things can ALWAYS be worse’. And thankful that I have the mental strength to adapt EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. And that I don’t mope about it not being fair! I just do what I can right up to the second that I can’t then I sit and rest and I’m grateful that i was able to do that. I won’t say happy thanksgiving because it’s 36C here in Brisbane Australia but i do wish everyone a merry Christmas !!
Julene Logue
I hate everything about having MS. MI. I've never lead a charmed life. I don't have tons of family members to help me ever. I get so sick of when I go to the hospital for a test someone always has to say, "Don't you have any one with you to help? Are you able to drive yourself? I want to say, "How do you think I got here? Do you see a big crowd of people around me helping me? Why are you asking such dumb questions?" But I don't because I know they are just trying to help, but so much people try to do for you when you have MS just doesn't help at all. Not their fault, it's just the stupid disease.
Lisa Bowser
I am thankful for everything. Even MS. MS has given me a whole different perspective on life. I am grateful for the good days, as well as the bad. Only because the bad really make me appreciate the good days I do have. The good are few and far between, but this disease has given me a whole different insight into life that a lot of people will never get to experience. I see things differently than others. My coworkers complain about stuff that I don't complain about anymore because I know how badly I can feel on any given day. I feel I can be more sympathetic and understanding with the sick and suffering around me. I don't look at anything the same as I used to and for that I am grateful.
Ellen Lerner
Well, speaking about being thankful on Thanksgiving and having MS, I have to say that I’m grateful that in the 20 years I have had or known about having MS my situation has not worsened at least I don’t think so. My attitude is not as clear as it used to be. I prefer to stay home rather than go places although I do get out. My husband has been going to visit our daughter and son in different parts of the United States (Florida, and Arizona to mention two places during winter when he can’t stand the cold weather, and I don’t feel like going so I’ve been staying home to the disappointment of my children. One could say I have become rather complacent, but whether it has to do with having MS or whether it has to do with just getting older and retreating a lot, it’s hard to say. I just don’t have the desire to go packing a suitcase and going on a long trip either by car or other ways. I am now 77 yrs of age. I like it when one or two of my children and their children if they have them come to visit us.
Ian R
Can’t be grateful for anything MS has done for me.
- finished work (which I loved) at 52 instead of 60
- had to attend my son’s graduation with a hiking pole and my daughter’s with a crutch.
- missed out on so many dad things because “dad can’t run / can’t walk very far”
- good at sitting with a coffee watching not participating.
- not being able to help my parents in the same way as they helped their parents.
MS is a disease of losses. I’m 60, but know that I’ll never live the retirement I’d planned / saved for.
I suppose MS has let me think about the “value of life”. The value of life to me is independence, helping others, providing for your family, actively participating…. I’m grateful to the people at the airport who push the wheelchair or help you up the aircraft steps. But underneath I’m seething. A perfect life decimated by a cruel, unrelenting disease. Don’t even get me started on the expensive neuros with their super expensive drugs that don’t address the one thing I asked of them “not to become increasingly disabled”.