In a life with multiple sclerosis, you have to know when ‘it is time’
It may not be a farewell by the strictest of definitions, but it is very, very fond
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I have been known to occasionally use an experience from my time in U.S. Army special operations forces to illustrate or make a point in this column.
Since I “write” with voice-to-text, I can honestly say that I had trouble writing that with a straight face. The right word to use would probably be “frequently,” but, to be fair, I served in the military for most of my adult life, so — really — it stands to reason.
Today, I’m going to use a quotation from a movie instead, which I only do occasionally, actually. The difference this time is that I won’t be using it as a metaphor or allegory for something from my life with multiple sclerosis (MS). Today, I’m using my spin on this series of lines from New Line Cinema’s 2001 release of “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” as a way to say goodbye.
“My dear Bagginses and Boffins … Tooks and Brandybucks … Grubbs, Chubbs … Hornblowers … Bolgers … Bracegirdles … and Proudfoots.”
My dear fellow people with MS, advocates, caregivers, medical providers, physical therapists, mental health therapists, pharmacists, psychologists, social workers, and anyone curious enough to read this column: I think we all knew this day was coming. We don’t get to choose very much when it comes to this disease, but it is my great joy to say that I got to choose when and how to make my exit.
What to do with the time that is given us
“Today is my 111th birthday! But alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable Hobbits.”
For the record, my last birthday was in May and was less than half that number, but that’s not important. What matters is that I have had the honor and privilege of writing this column for a little over four years. At the beginning, I thought that I might make it six months, or a year at best, so everything beyond that has been a wonderful surprise. If my math is right, this will be my 125th column, and although that is where I’ve chosen to pause, it really is too short a time to have spent among such excellent and admirable readers.
“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
With the exception of family and some friends, I’ve met very few readers of this column in person — definitely less than half. The strange thing is, I feel like I know you. This is a bond that I never thought I would share, and never wanted to share with anyone, but for me, it has turned out to be a secure and soothing one. As for the rest of that quote, none of us deserved MS, so as tight as that bond may be, the paradox is that we all deserve better.
“I have things to do. I’ve put this off far too long. I regret to announce this is the end! I’m going now.”
What I have to do is live my life to the fullest, be as involved as I can in my family’s lives, and watch my children grow. Beyond that, I don’t have or need any plans, because I’m confident that will keep me busy.
I really don’t feel like I put this off for too long. I had made a sort of vow with myself early on that I would depart exactly when I needed to and was ready to. I am going now, but I don’t regret announcing it, because this is not the end. I’ll always be a part of Multiple Sclerosis News Today via the forums and the occasional guest column. And if anyone is concerned, rest assured I’ll find a way to work in an example or two from my military service and plenty of metaphors.
“I bid you all a very fond farewell.”
It may not be a farewell by the strictest of definitions, but it is very, very fond. I really like the version of me that I was allowed to be here. I hope that version wasn’t too much of an acquired taste and that my musings provided some benefit. Some of my thoughts may have been a bit scattered or disjointed, but letting them out and then finding out that I wasn’t alone has been the absolute best form of self-care. Always remember — that’s never selfish.
“Goodbye.”
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
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