In a life with multiple sclerosis, you have to know when ‘it is time’
It may not be a farewell by the strictest of definitions, but it is very, very fond
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I have been known to occasionally use an experience from my time in U.S. Army special operations forces to illustrate or make a point in this column.
Since I “write” with voice-to-text, I can honestly say that I had trouble writing that with a straight face. The right word to use would probably be “frequently,” but, to be fair, I served in the military for most of my adult life, so — really — it stands to reason.
Today, I’m going to use a quotation from a movie instead, which I only do occasionally, actually. The difference this time is that I won’t be using it as a metaphor or allegory for something from my life with multiple sclerosis (MS). Today, I’m using my spin on this series of lines from New Line Cinema’s 2001 release of “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” as a way to say goodbye.
“My dear Bagginses and Boffins … Tooks and Brandybucks … Grubbs, Chubbs … Hornblowers … Bolgers … Bracegirdles … and Proudfoots.”
My dear fellow people with MS, advocates, caregivers, medical providers, physical therapists, mental health therapists, pharmacists, psychologists, social workers, and anyone curious enough to read this column: I think we all knew this day was coming. We don’t get to choose very much when it comes to this disease, but it is my great joy to say that I got to choose when and how to make my exit.
What to do with the time that is given us
“Today is my 111th birthday! But alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable Hobbits.”
For the record, my last birthday was in May and was less than half that number, but that’s not important. What matters is that I have had the honor and privilege of writing this column for a little over four years. At the beginning, I thought that I might make it six months, or a year at best, so everything beyond that has been a wonderful surprise. If my math is right, this will be my 125th column, and although that is where I’ve chosen to pause, it really is too short a time to have spent among such excellent and admirable readers.
“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
With the exception of family and some friends, I’ve met very few readers of this column in person — definitely less than half. The strange thing is, I feel like I know you. This is a bond that I never thought I would share, and never wanted to share with anyone, but for me, it has turned out to be a secure and soothing one. As for the rest of that quote, none of us deserved MS, so as tight as that bond may be, the paradox is that we all deserve better.
“I have things to do. I’ve put this off far too long. I regret to announce this is the end! I’m going now.”
What I have to do is live my life to the fullest, be as involved as I can in my family’s lives, and watch my children grow. Beyond that, I don’t have or need any plans, because I’m confident that will keep me busy.
I really don’t feel like I put this off for too long. I had made a sort of vow with myself early on that I would depart exactly when I needed to and was ready to. I am going now, but I don’t regret announcing it, because this is not the end. I’ll always be a part of Multiple Sclerosis News Today via the forums and the occasional guest column. And if anyone is concerned, rest assured I’ll find a way to work in an example or two from my military service and plenty of metaphors.
“I bid you all a very fond farewell.”
It may not be a farewell by the strictest of definitions, but it is very, very fond. I really like the version of me that I was allowed to be here. I hope that version wasn’t too much of an acquired taste and that my musings provided some benefit. Some of my thoughts may have been a bit scattered or disjointed, but letting them out and then finding out that I wasn’t alone has been the absolute best form of self-care. Always remember — that’s never selfish.
“Goodbye.”
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
Sandy
Your columns are always so insightful, rational, and detailed. I reread them many times to follow the thread and digest them. Your spark, thoughtfulness, and wit will be missed. The journey ahead for all of us with progressive MS is treacherous. “This is no treasure-hunt, no there-and-back journey. I am flying from deadly peril into deadly peril.”-Frodo. I am glad you have a soft place to land.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks so much Sandy! No, it's no treasure hunt. The wound from this morgul blade is never going to heal either. Well maybe it will. Hope remains as long as long as the company is true.
I've got tons of these.
Ian R
Thanks for your contribution. You’ve been more productive than a couple of rabbits. We all know when we need to step back, or step away. I’m a decade older than you, but I’m seeing more use of the foldaway wheelchair, particularly at airports. I can’t say I always enjoyed your posts - in some ways they are a window to my future / the future of other MSers.
I won’t say anything meaningless like take care, or look after yourself, or hope things work out. MS is up there with the cruelest diseases. Just bless you.
Ironically, I’m in Florida on holiday from the U.K. when I fly home, I’ll make sure I don’t flush the aircraft toilet over Alabama and I’ll give you a salute (although I’m not ex military).
Benjamin Hofmeister
More productive than a pair of rabbits...
I could have used that metaphor a couple months ago. Thanks for being a dependable reader and commenter. My wish for you is that I will not be a window into a possible future.
And thank you for not flushing the toilet.
Toni
Thank you for your wonderfully open and honest sharings … best wishes for your future adventures 🌺
Meeya
With the biggest of HUGS and good wishes from me (secondary progessive) & my husband (ex- military, who loves your posts!) - we'll miss you!!😪
Melanie
I have been very inspired by your column. This disease takes a good sense of self (and humour) to get through and I think you are well armed. Family is the most important thing in life. Good luck and thank you.
Eleanor Whitney
I will miss your writing Ben and thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Good luck in your MS Battle, it is a horrible disease and we have to carry on and do the best we can.
Warm regards.
Eleanor
Jonelle Jozwiak
Ben, I am a retired Army physical therapist.(Due to MS) I have so enjoyed your columns and would look forward to reading it! Blessings to you and enjoy your family! You deserve it!
Nancy Briscoe
Your voice mattered for both you and us. You will be missed here, but you are needed elsewhere. Be strong for the next part of your journey, fellow MS warrior.
Lisa Bowser
Have a blessed rest of your life! Your columns have been a joy.
Angela
Thank you for your years of service, not only in the military, but giving to the MS community. I’ve always enjoyed your columns & will miss them. Enjoy your family & Godspeed.
Angela
Thank you for your years of service, not only in the military, but giving to the MS community. I’ve always enjoyed your columns & will miss them. Enjoy your family & Godspeed.
Michele Lesmeister
Benjamin,
I will miss reading your columns. They always provided insight from another or new perspective; as we both are dealing with the life with MS, I appreciate your forthright approach to "taking the bull by the horns." Enjoy your life and know that your words and insights have been helpful.
Lynn
I have really enjoyed your column. You have a true gift the way you write. I will miss your stories.
Valerie Suwanseree
Just wanna say, "thanks so much." Mr. Hofmeister, your columns were very enjoyable and I gained some nuggets of wisdom from them. What a great goodbye you wrote! Live and prosper!
Janette Murphy
Dear Ben, I have thoroughly enjoyed your columns over the past few years since my MS diagnosis. Your wit and charm have been delightful and given me great support in getting used to my ‘new normal’, which changes by the day if not the hour! I’ve enjoyed your humour and stories, and honesty through the progression of your MS. I will miss your column but wish you well for enjoying life with your family, especially as your boys grow into fine young men - just like their father. With best wishes, and sincere gratitude for all you have shared, Janette from Down Under.
Nancy Rochelle
I will truly miss your words Ben, so insightful and always hitting the spot!
Thank you so much.
Dave
Thank you for the articles. I wish you the best going fwd.
Dave from CA.
Tony M
Your column has been so helpful for me.
Thank you 'as I get busy living'
Selim K.
Hi,
thank you for your insightful and informative pieces. Often times you gave me food for thought and a different approach to certain topics.
Time is the most valuable thing anybody has to offer. I’m thankful that you gave yours to the community.
I wish you happiness in your future endeavors.
Greetings from Germany
Selim
Lydia Hackett
Thank you for all the wonderful posts! I’ve really enjoyed them and will miss your contributions.
Heather
Your columns will be missed. They were heartfelt, beautifully written and very relatable. Thank you. I wish you well in the future as you navigate life with MS. And more importantly, that you continue to receive the love and support from those around you.
kerste
Wow, Just Thank You.
"Farewell, and may the blessing of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you. May the stars shine upon your faces!"
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you Kerste! I sort of wish that I had ended the column with that quote instead.
Gary r watkis
I have PPMS and I have OXYGEN therapy once a week
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks Gary. What kind of oxygen therapy? Does it help?
Stephanie McIntyre
What a lovely farewell! The Fellowship of the Ring being the most charming if the series, it is most certainly my favorite. You have made me want to read it again, to visit Tom Bombadil. Even the ring had no power over him. You helped many people to not let MS have power over them.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you for that Stephanie!
Leanne Broughton
Goodbye and may your days with family be the best times. We all have an unusual bond and I have enjoyed your take on these commonalities.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you Leanne! I expect every moment the family's been together will be the best times.
Gary Hendricks
Ben, your columns have provided great insights into the unique challenges many of us face.
Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us.
Good luck in your future endeavors and in the words of the almighty, “endure it well.”
Benjamin Hofmeister
I hope enduring it well means that I can still be defiant LOL. Thank you Gary and thanks for reading and always taking time to comment
Jonathan Kelly
Thank you for the time you have dedicated to helping us as a community. You are and will be appreciated.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you Jonathan, I appreciate you reading it!
Merlene
I have enjoyed reading your columns over the years. So sad you are leaving. Wishing you the best and returning to you a fond farewell my friend.
Jana Vail
I will sincerely miss your columns, but want you to live a full life with your wife and 3 boys! I don't like goodbyes, but in this since, it is goodbye as I don't expect to "see ya later". Good luck!!
Rosemarie
Onto the next "new"...whatever that may be! Eyes wide, chin up and heart open. Living with MS has taught me to embrace the adventure for all it offers, easy or not, and give what I can; thoughts I'm sure you understand. Wishing you well as you venture on, many thanks for the wisdom shared and the time you've spent here.
Anne Lucas
You will be missed!
Looking forward to your guest columns!
Carmen Wentland
Thank You for sharing your thoughts and experiences so honestly. And Thank You for sharing the time and energy it took to compile these into the relatable, interesting, humorous and/or edgy content you created.
Fill your heart with FAMJAM 💞 love-It’s the energy that charges my soul and provides the stamina of Spirit needed to navigate the experiences of this life with MS. We’re lucky to have it-now go immerse yourself in yours!
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you Carmen! I don't know if anyone has ever called me edgy before, but if I had a resume, I would definitely add that.
Ed Tobias
When you know you know, Ben. You’ll also know when to return, as I have no doubt you’ll do, somewhere. Best of luck wherever and whenever that is. Ed
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you for Ed! I think you're right and I'll pop up somewhere when the time is right and like you said, I'm sure I'll know when that is.
Doug Carville
Ben:
I appreciate your time, energy, and insight on our behalf. Your column was always worth reading more than once.
Be well,
Doug
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks Doug!
brenda s scharping
I will miss your columns. they were insightful and so real as to what we face with our declining health and physical abilities. your humor was delightful.
I wish you luck and patience as you continue your MS journey