MS presents some of the toughest challenges, but don’t quit
Lessons from Nasty Nick, a Special Forces obstacle course, inspire actions today
When I attended the selection process for Army Special Forces, I had a number of obstacles to overcome, among them a psychological evaluation, a handful of physical tests, long-range land navigation, and assessments of problem-solving and time-management skills. I also faced literal obstacles, in the form of a 2-mile course known affectionately as Nasty Nick.
Nasty Nick featured a few typical Army obstacles to test strength and endurance and quite a few others that were specifically designed to assess our fear of heights and tight, dark spaces. Members of the cadre, who were normally silent during their assessment of our every move, would speak to us in a robotic voice if we found ourselves unable to overcome an obstacle. They offered no advice, criticism, or praise; they simply said, “Candidate, you have failed to negotiate the obstacle. Would you like to try again?”
If we intended to complete the assessment and selection course, our answer was always, “Yes.”
As best I can recall, I had at least one obstacle that I didn’t successfully negotiate. I did, however, keep trying until the cadre sent me on to the next one. I eventually passed selection, not because I was always able to succeed on the first try, but because I didn’t give up.
MS and its obstacles
I might not have volunteered for it, but I feel as if my multiple sclerosis (MS) is constantly assessing me, too. As with Nasty Nick, I’ve had a lot of difficulty with some obstacles on this MS journey. I’ve even failed to negotiate some of them and put off trying again for days or even months. But I haven’t quit yet and don’t intend to.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Plenty of times, when faced with a new symptom or worsening disability, I’ve felt like giving up. In my defense, Nasty Nick took up only about half a day of the three-week selection process. MS, on the other hand, takes up a lifetime, and I can’t see the next obstacle coming up or train for specific ones months ahead of time. That kind of consistent inconsistency, coupled with the disease’s duration, would make most anyone consider giving up. I’m glad that neither you nor I have done that.
Trying to make a straight comparison between obstacles in an Army course and the obstacles that multiple sclerosis throws our way is an exercise in futility. What I take away from it, and hope you do as well, is how we’re graded throughout both. As I mentioned, I didn’t successfully complete every obstacle that Nasty Nick presented, but I didn’t quit trying. I don’t always complete the ones that MS offers either, but I don’t give up.
Multiple sclerosis led to my inability to walk. It might seem that I’ve given up on the idea, but by using mobility aids such as my wheelchair, I’ve negotiated that obstacle. When I had to stop driving, it felt like giving up. I still get from place to place as a passenger, though. I might’ve had to stop trying that particular method of solving the problem, but the problem has been solved.
With both MS and the obstacle course at Special Forces selection, there’s no guarantee that I’ll always be successful. But there is a guarantee that I won’t quit trying to succeed.
These days I don’t have a cadre member telling me anything in a monotone voice. For the most part, the only one assessing me is me. Now when I don’t accomplish something, it’s my voice in my head telling me, “Candidate, you have failed to negotiate the obstacle. Would you like to try again?”
So far, the answer that I give back to myself is, “Yes, I will try that again!”
I hope that’s your answer too. I suspect that it is.
Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.
About the Author
Laura Browder
Thanks for the encouragement! Some days are really hard but I do keep fighting!
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you Laura! Thank you for reading the column and for making a comment
lj
in the words of Mr. Churchill Never, Never, Never give up !!
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks! Winston Churchill certainly recognized that finishing a war doesn't mean winning every single battle.
I suddenly feel the urge to own a bulldog and smoke a cigar, but the nicotine would probably make me fall out of my chair.
Lisa Kandel
There are days where I just feel like crying. Sometimes I let myself, but mostly I tell myself I can't cry or I will mess up my make-up. I keep praying and pushing forward. Stay blessed and be a blessing to others!
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks as always Lisa! I intend to keep trying to be a blessing, but really I'm the one that's being blessed by people in the world of MS like you leaving comments
Leslie Box
Diagnosed in August 1998, my physical abilities started to dwindle in 2016. I use a Rollator and a wheelchair as needed. I’m still able to drive. I live alone and I work full-time.. so much of this disease is mind over matter. I like to tell myself that if I wasn’t a warrior and able to handle this, I wouldn’t have been given MS..
Over the years, I’ve been hopeful for a cure or at least something that really helps repair the myelin sheath. Now in my early 50s I may not see that day.. I just try to take one day at a time and keep a positive attitude. I truly enjoyed your write up as I have friends who are former special ops and seals. I plan to keep going as best I can. This girl is not going down without a fight.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks for reading in for the comment Leslie! I don't intend to go down without a fight either. I know my Defiance doesn't matter much to MS, but it matters to me. The only thing I have to watch out for is that I'm not fighting the people who care about me.
I find myself thinking cure method to repair myelin is just around the corner. I don't think it's wrong to have hope at all. I guess as long as I don't live my life as though it's right around the corner so I don't need to do anything right now then I'm okay.
CC
Congrats this article is incredible! I will save it and read when my power of will be on a down phase 🙌🏼👏🏼
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thank you so much CC! Thank you for the inspiring comment!
Julia
Hey there,
I always enjoy your columns, honoustly! However..
Why is it that, when it comes to chronic illness, people tend to use terms as "battles" "fighting enemies", "hanging in there!" And, my personal favourite: "Don't give up!" I'm not sure what it is I'm suposed to do. What IS giving up- and or fighting? It sugests ther's something to be won. And since we all know there is no cure, so no winning then, it HAS to mean i loose...
I surrendered, didn't listen to that robotic voice.
What does an "ms-warrior" look like? (You didn't literally used that term, thank god) Sooo many people speak about ms or cancer or whatever they have, in this manner. I may come accross as cynical or bitter, but i would really like to try and understand what it actually means. Effectively regarding behaviour, mostely. If anyone can shed a well thought-through-light upon this matter, it's proberply you. 😏
Tom A
This is for Julia and don't know if it'll come through that way...
I see it as part of the process, almost like a symptom, for some. How you regard it and move forward (literally and figuratively). Airplane jumps, climbing mountains, hiking, etc., doing stuff one thinks a "handicapped person" doesn't do. On one hand I was giving myself a shot every other day for 23 years, on the other, I didn't think too much about any of it as I had set it up so there were always "important" things for me to get done… buy and sell stocks, rent an apartment (hire a contractor, paint a wall), go to an auction or flea market, have an MRI, deposit your SS check. With MS you often have those long periods where you are strikingly "normal-ish". Ben is giving an analogy and encouragement which some may need from time to time during those other periods. I don't particularly find the warrior stuff motivating either.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Hi Julia! Great comment and full of things to think about. You know I didn't complete every obstacle on that course. The one that sticks in my head was a relatively easy one that tested balance. I kept falling off right at the end and in retrospect, having trouble balancing should have clued me in to what was coming. The point is, and it might just be a small one, is that I didn't complete the obstacle, but I tried. It has only been in the last year or so with multiple sclerosis that I've reconsidered my definition of giving up. Again, maybe it's a small insignificant point, but I see a difference between giving up as in letting go of the lip of the cliff and fall into my Doom, or letting myself sink in the ocean and drown and giving up as in trying something, maybe more than once, realizing I cannot beat this and moving on.
I just like the term Warrior Etc, because being one assumes that you have an enemy to fight. Multiple sclerosis is my enemy, but it's not a physical one and doesn't really care if I'm fighting it or not. My problem with thinking this is a battle is that I often find myself searching for an enemy that cares if I'm fighting it. Unfortunately the enemy or enemies I pick are either myself or those closest to me.
Julia
Hey,
Thanks for taking time to react. I suppose i do share some of the analogies you mentioned. It's not that i dislike using army- references persé. And maybe It's also a case of some things getting lost in translation. Expressing myself in other than dutch, càn be somewhat challenging. It's just that i DO fight, or at least that's how it feels. I work myself up, act like my own drill-sergeant. And at the end of the day i'm half dead, not capable of even doing the dishes. Funny, i'm quite a pacifist on every other aspect in life... thanks again for replying. I AM a fan, so wasn't trying to bite your head off.😏
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks Julia. You know in my reply where it says I just like the term Warrior? It is really supposed to say I dislike the term Warrior. My voice to text failed me again and I didn't see it.
It's not that I think that I have a monopoly on the term or that anyone does. It's like what I said it implies to me that I'm supposed to be fighting a battle against someone or something that cares. It seems like a lot of people that use that sort of logic end up searching around for the closest enemy when they decide that multiple sclerosis just doesn't care.
And don't ever apologize for disagreeing, or expressing yourself. If you can't do that with other people that have MS, who else would even remotely understand? I don't have the answers, most of the time I feel like I'm just figuring it out for myself. Sometimes it probably sounds like I'm giving advice, but that advice is mainly just for me. I can't save you, I can only tell you how I saved myself.... or am trying to save myself.
Cheryl peterson
What an inspiration! First your service to our country, and after all that, PPMS. Your story went straight to my heart. I’ve had a very physically active career doing what I loved, SCUBA snow and water skiing, white water……..and I got PAId for it. I started noticing the little things like balance, cognition etc. Now I’m unable to walk, tell the same story twice. Out of all the scary dangerous things I’ve done, MS has taken the me out of me. 14 years post diagnosis, I’m still working on acceptance. Now in assisted living at 67, I still refuse to play bingo or learn to crochet. I’m looking for something motivating that I can do indoors. This is rougher than anything I’ve ever done.
I’m saving your story to refer to when I’m having a particularly difficult day.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks for the comment Cheryl! My autonomic nervous system seems to be out of whack. I did plenty of things that frightened me, and always enjoyed the relaxing parasympathetic backlash after something that made my adrenaline surge. Now, I feel like I am in a state of permanent parasympathetic backlash and wish I could feel the fight or flight response. I think maybe I'll see an endocrinologist and see what levels are out of whack. Or, maybe I need to reshape my ideas of what fight or flight for the flightless means.
Dee Griffin
Was intending to comment with exactly the same words as Laura has. So ditto, and thanks again for your perceptive writing.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks for that Dee!
Jan Louis-Him
Thanks Benjamin for your wise words. I appreciate your stories providing support and encouragement.
Benjamin Hofmeister
You are so welcome Jan! Thank you for making the time to comment. Comments on the post let me know that I'm reaching people just like me and that's the encouragement that I need
Brenda
Life… is a Nasty Nick. Life with MS is like the sequel Nasty Nick 2… As with most sequels the original was always the better of the two. Here we are trying to navigate through the sequel. Your article actually made me smile, not because of the challenges we face but because I can give it a new name. Nasty Nick 2. Thank you.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks for the comment Brenda! I like your idea of a sequel, but while I chose to tackle the first one, I didn't choose this one at all. Yet, here we are and whether I chose it or not, I want to complete the course. I'll see it to the end but there are going to be obstacles that I have to recognize that I'm not going to complete. I'm still going to try and I will make it to the end of the course.
Glenda Hendry
This is a great encouragement to me. I’ve felt like giving up over and over. Yours is the best inspiration without being contrived or glib. Thank you sincerely.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks Glenda! It took me a while to see that choosing not to beat my head against a brick wall was not the same as giving up. I wish I'd figured that out sooner.
Michelle McDonald
I've been fighting this disease for over 13 years now. Kind of literally...I use my martial arts training to help kick out the anger. I just wish I could kick away the money struggles too.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks for reading Michelle! An acronym I was taught to remember how to sway an opponent was m i c e, which stands for money, information, coercion, and ego. Those are the ways to get a human being to do what you want, but have not worked well on MS at all.(hmm... maybe I should do a column on that, thanks for the inspiration) for the longest time I tried to fight MS using the tools I've learned about for combating other human beings. I think we have to adapt them to fight against multiple sclerosis. I just haven't perfected that yet.
Gail Moore
I agree with you. Adapt. I never
stop finding a way around the MS obstacle.
I've had MS since 2005 & am strong enough
now that I work FT again.
Thanks for sharing your positive outlook.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks Gail! My Outlook probably isn't always positive, because multiple sclerosis certainly isn't but I really do try to keep it that way as much as possible. Keep on adapting and finding workarounds and I intend to do the same.
Mike Purcell
I make a point to always read your posts.
Benjamin Hofmeister
Thanks Mike and thanks for taking the time to comment! Always glad to know you're out there.
Liza
Thank you for your article and service. As a Army brat and having a mother with MS, I was surprised to be dxed with MS in early 1990. I attribute my acceptance and resilience to the disease with the structure and perseverance of a military upbringing. The corporate world is similar, but different.
Twenty years post working (due to impaired cognition and a dance with breast cancer), I try to pick my battles wisely and fight the good fight--like keeping my driving priviledges. Last week I purchased my first walker, byAcre, and strive to encourage others to find their true happiness. Thank you for your words of encouragement, and being a role model to many.