With MS, parenting a teenager can get a little bloody — for dad
Written by |
Kevin Byrne, left, poses for a photo with his daughter Rogue. (Photos courtesy of Kevin Byrne)
In recognition of Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month in March, the MS Awareness Month campaign features a series of stories highlighting the real-life experiences of people affected by MS, written in their own words. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, X, and Pinterest for more stories like this, using the hashtag #MSAwarenessMonth, or read the full series.
Chores day came around that Saturday afternoon. Our house was a mess. I can be lazy about keeping up with everyday, clean-as-you-go tasks; my daughter Rogue was 14. Neither of us was looking forward to the work.
Let’s just say tensions were high when a father’s perceptions and priorities didn’t align with those of a teenager. We were both working hard but getting in each other’s way. After a few tense situations, as well as some snipping back and forth, we split up. She worked in her bedroom and bathroom, and I went out to the garage. I was moving boxes, picking up trash, and grumbling under my breath. The last thing I remember was losing my balance.
Byrne took himself to the hospital after falling at home while doing chores with his daughter.
Next, I was sitting on my bed with a towel pressed against the side of my head. It was quiet. I enjoyed that for a bit before I thought to myself, “What happened?” Without trying to stand, I called out for Rogue. She came in from the garage.
“Hey, Dad,” she said. “How ya feeling?” I didn’t want to let on that I had no idea what happened after I fell. Apparently, I came in from the garage with blood pouring down the side of my face.
She took over and dealt with everything — she cleaned the blood off my face, then sat me down on the bed with a towel before going out to the garage and cleaning the blood off the shelving, the side of the car, and the floor.
“I called Mom. She’s coming over to get me.”
They offered to take me to the hospital, but I declined. Later, I drove to the ER, thinking, “I can take care of myself.”
Rogue only knows me with multiple sclerosis (MS). Unfortunately, most of what she remembers is after it started to worsen. She doesn’t remember when I was agile, coordinated, and looked healthy. There are times, like in the garage, when she has to step up and be a caregiver for her father. I do as much as I can, but I miss so many moments — things healthy dads do with their kids. Rogue loves me and looks up to me regardless.
As the years pass, she becomes more self-sufficient — but I know all too well the pitfalls teenagers face in their quest for independence. That’s why parents guide their children through these challenging years. As she moves forward, my body declines. Many times, all I can offer are words of what she should or must do. I can’t be the parent who shows her what she can do.
I haven’t met many teenagers who want to be told what to do all the time.
I haven’t met many men who want to waive their responsibility to raise their teenager and instead look to them as caregivers.
After the Thanksgiving holiday last year, we made a resolution to start counseling to learn how to communicate.
It is long overdue. I’m glad Rogue recommended this step.
