How Dare You?

Hi after reading this, it made think of my friend who has MS. Now they like not to place a label on themselves, so they like to live their life as normal as possible, but this cam be hard in today's society. The judgemental views on other people is so diverse, especially younger people who have a disability that is not visable. I myself have Rheumatoid arthritis, at 45. I get elderly people staring at me for parking in disabled spaces even though I have a disabled badge to show I am registered disabled. This makes me angry inside but I never say anything to them, for I was brought up to respect your elders. This story has made me think,they are not respecting me, by judging my invisible disabilty. So whether you have RA, MS or any other condition that is not visible, stand up for yourself.

Amen, Sister…and amen to Bradley Campbell and Jason Manning, too. As we move further away from the dignity culture we must not only recognize the problem but plant our feet firmly on the dignity culture. Once so grounded it becomes continually easier to carry out the job of educator to the world.

I am a huge fan of Nextdoor.com, a private website for neighbors in their neighborhoods (available currently in the US, the UK, the Netherlands, France and Germany, and spreading). We laugh at the realization that if you go out wearing a Nextdoor t-shirt, you'd better not be in a hurry! People either want to know what it is or have a story to tell about how it has benefitted their neighborhood.

I learned early on that having a service dog changes your timetable in the same way. As long as I can spare the time, and there are very few when something urgent arises so my planned for buffer minutes are simply not there, I am happy to educate. We've given wonderful, even healing experiences with a big dog to children and adults who WERE afraid of dogs and answered all sorts of questions about disabilities and living with them, including "How do you go to the bathroom?"

If a child is curious about how the lift in my van works, I invite parent and child to watch while I'm either loading or unloading, letting the parent decide if their own schedule will allow it. All the while, I'm engaging in intentional conversation about invisible vs. now very visible reasons to use the parking space. I always intentionally engage my captive audience in elevators, too. If I am with an informed companion, we will talk about some intelligent and relevant topic, among ourselves or with our fellow passengers. At a minimum, it is always a chance to demonstrate that people are people and some live with disabilities.

We demonstrate our chosen place with the dignity culture when we choose to respond with patience and love to the person, not what was said verbally or nonverbally.

I have VERY mixed emotions on this subject. While I fully support and agree with you regarding the realities of invisible disabilities and the absolute right to use handicap parking in such cases, I also know I myself have often, rightfully or wrongfully, "judged" persons I have seen pull into a handicap spot only to hop out of the car and all but dash into the store, movie theater or other location. Happened just this morning at a Starbucks -- just before getting out of the car the passenger tossed the handicap sticker on the wind shield. The driver then hopped out and the passenger stayed in the car until the driver returned. Yes, perhaps I'm overly sensitive to this because when my husband and I are together in the car I refuse to let him park in a handicap spot unless I am getting out as well. Also, while I don't like the idea of others judging based simply on what they cannot see...I'm glad there are those out there who do look askance at someone they think is abusing the handicap placard...especially when their reason for doing so is to SUPPORT me and those who have the need for those spots! Thus my conflict -- I'm proud of and thankful for those uninvolved third parties who want to stand up to abuses...yet the reality of invisible conditions clouds the issue. Okay, so maybe the simple answer is "don't judge"...but my personal reality is that I do like and greatly appreciate those willing to support persons with handicaps. Liked I said...very mixed emotions on this one.

I rarely drive. I do not go shopping with my wife; however she does take me to appointments and visitations with others. I know that she never uses the handicap pass when on her own and we do not use it when it is not needed. On the other hand, there are times when I am not wanting to be left alone or need to know that I can reach my wife quickly. On those occasions, she parks in the H.S. and I wait in the car with engine on. I have a cell phone with me in order to call her phone if an emergency develops. Even though this situation occurs rarely, it does point out that one can not ever fully understand the motives and intentions of others by just interpreting their actions. In my opinion, it may be even illegal for me to remain in the car, but there are occasions where we all jay-walk in life and this is one for us.

The flipside of all this is the interpretation of someone staring and wondering: 'is that person judging or pondering positive thoughts of how to support me'? That always reframes me to believe there are other motives in a person's stare! (grinning)

I have MS...I do not drive, I never learned, having grown up in NYC...imagine the nonsense I have had to put up with in the streets, while crossing, getting out of taxis, etc. Once, while getting out of a taxi at the front entrance of the local bus station, in Philadelphia where I am now, because of construction there was only one lane available...a driver behind me blew his horn the entire time that it took to get out of the cab - takes me some time, believe me - even though he could clearly see that the cabdriver was occupied retrieving my walker from the trunk, and I was WAVING MY CANE at him - just so he could understand what was going on. No, he did NOT understand, he did not care at all, and his female companion sitting next to him in the car was SMILING the whole time. I fear for our humanity, I really do...