Chairborne - A Column by Ben Hofmeister

Years before joining the Army crossed my mind, I was a Boy Scout. We learned all sorts of skills, earned merit badges, and, of course, spent lots of time hiking and camping. I have many fond memories of those scouting years, but one lesson I remember in particular was…

Ten minutes away from the drop zone, we stood up and began the final preparations for the jump. The aircraft flew in anything but a straight line as it turned, banked, and swiftly changed altitude. This unpredictable flying technique was tactically sound, as it made the plane difficult to target,…

I like to look up. No, I’m not referring to my disposition, although I do consider it to be an improvement over what it once was. I’m actually pretty sunny, if you happen to think of “sunny” as burning, harsh, and damaging when you’re exposed to it. What I…

This morning, at an unholy hour, our family awoke to the sound of alarm bells. Well, not bells, but rather the gentle yet insistent sound of one of Alexa’s alarms. Actually, we changed the name of our bedroom device to Ziggy, so we can’t simply roll over, still…

I’m not a doctor, just a patient. And depending on whom you ask, I’m not a very good one, either — unless you happen to be fond of lots of questions. I was a medic in the U.S. Army — a time buyer, as I refer to it…

About three years before my multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis and subsequent retirement, I found myself in Iraq preparing for a mission. I was going out with a different team from another branch of the U.S. military, and the planning and briefing process wasn’t as detailed as I was…

I am not left-handed! No, I’m not channeling Westley or Inigo from “The Princess Bride,” just clarifying a common — and fair — assumption. While I now do nearly everything left-handed, including eating, drinking, and even typing this column, my right hand was dominant for most of…

I must look like I need help all the time. I don’t own a shirt or any other article of clothing that says so, and I don’t think I have a helpless look on my face, either. I smile often, sometimes genuinely and sometimes with my mouth formed in…

A few — OK, many — years ago, I played the lead in a production of “Oklahoma!” Don’t get excited; it wasn’t on Broadway or anything like that. It was a high school production, and I suspect I only landed the role because I could sing — and probably…

I didn’t seek support immediately after my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS). To be fair, MS was just an annoyance to me at the beginning. It was simply a set of symptoms, and I was initially happy just to have an explanation for them. To be…

Einstein said that time is relative, and as I age (gracefully, I hope), I’ve found that to be true. For example, I frequently find myself referring to events that occurred a decade or more in the past as happening “just the other day.” In my mind, I’m still…

In the not-too-distant past, a friend shared a video clip from a competitive event with a few of us. One of the competitors had a shock of gray hair and was slowed by a noticeable limp. “Watch how smooth this guy is,” he said. As we all expressed our amazement…

Special Forces Assessment and Selection (SFAS) — a training program for entry into the U.S. Army Special Forces — is rare, even among military courses. It has grueling physical aspects, but the majority of it is mental. It’s really one long test to gauge a participant’s ability to work…

My shoelaces keep coming untied, my compression socks are bunched up, I bumped my shins with the vacuum again, and the shower was too hot this morning. Confused? Don’t be. I’m just getting in the spirit of National Wine Day by — oh, wait, I might have read…

I’ve always liked the phrase “go with what you know.” I suppose I understood it to mean “stick to what you’re good at” or simply, “stay in your lane.” Recently, though, I stumbled on a slightly different meaning that I like even better. “Use knowledge you already have as a…

I used to sing — a lot. Don’t worry, I didn’t miss my true calling. I could carry a tune, but that was about it. I was loud, and just like arguing, volume can make up for a lack of skill. My voice might not have been the best,…

Everyone’s multiple sclerosis (MS) is unique to them. The different disease types, lesion loads, and lesion locations are a few reasons why our symptoms are so variable. We with MS all live in the same neighborhood, just in different houses. If there were such a thing as…

Note: This column describes the author’s own experiences with Ocrevus (ocrelizumab). Not everyone will have the same response to treatment. Consult your doctor before starting or stopping a therapy. Tomorrow morning, I’ll have my 13th infusion of Ocrevus (ocrelizumab). I’ve been approved for the fast infusion rate, so…

I’m pretty good at doing what I’m told. You probably think that’s because I was in the Army for 22 years. You might even think it’s because of all the medical authority figures that have come with nine years of multiple sclerosis (MS). Of course, they both factor in,…

I recall a conversation I had with an acquaintance soon after my diagnosis. I hadn’t progressed to a wheelchair yet, but my limp was noticeable, and he’d heard talk from mutual friends. “What is it that you have?” he asked. “Multiple sclerosis.” A moment of wide-eyed silence…

The kids had their spring break last week, so we loaded up and drove to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. I promise this column won’t be a review of the theme park and its accessibility (which was great, by the way). It won’t offer tips about traveling with…

In a previous column, I wrote about the journey to my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS). In it, I mentioned that the neurologist had praised me for “taking this well.” I suppose I did — at first. When I eliminated the other possibilities, I was left with an…

Even if I resolved to improve my cardiovascular health by taking the stairs more often, I can’t. Mobility problems brought on by my primary progressive multiple sclerosis force me to use a wheelchair. Using a wheelchair, in turn, means that stairs and I are natural enemies (as are curbs and…

I may not be able to turn in circles like a dog anymore, but I still have a few bedtime routines. Before I had an intrathecal baclofen pump, multiple sclerosis-induced spasticity would wake me up multiple times during the night. Whenever that happened, it was next to…

A little over three years passed between my multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis and my medical retirement from the U.S. Army. Even before the diagnosis, I knew something was wrong and had taken a desk job while searching for the reason. Since I was behind a desk in a…

Every once in a while, I wake up prepared to swing my legs over the side of the bed and get moving. That sleep-induced forgetfulness evaporates as soon as the reality of multiple sclerosis (MS) reminds me that I can’t swing anything. I suppose I should be grateful that…

We had family portraits made a few days ago. With a family of five, this never goes perfectly, so there was a little pre-photo briefing beforehand. There were some veiled threats, a promise of dinner after as a reward for good behavior, and more than a few hissed admonishments to…

I am not by nature a very neat person. I want to be. I like order, but I lack the discipline to maintain it. People tend to think that time in the military makes you neat and orderly for the rest of your life, but in my case, they’d be…

“scabulous adj. proud of a scar on your body, which is an autograph signed to you by a world grateful for your continued willingness to play with her, even when you don’t feel like it.” — John Koenig, “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows“ I’ve managed to amass quite the…

Summer is one of the cruelest times of year for people with multiple sclerosis (MS). Thanks to Uhthoff’s syndrome, it’s hard to enjoy all the fun that comes with warm temperatures. I don’t seem to sweat anymore (not that it helps much in our high humidity), so I…