For years, the date of June 22 marked the anniversary of an autologous hematopoietic stem cell transplant (aHSCT) that gave me back a kind of life I never thought I’d taste again. The date marked a milestone I clung to like a ribbon at the finish line, a sign I’d…
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No one likes being volunteered against their will — especially when the person doing the volunteering uses the word “we.” I’m sure there’s a similar phrase in every language, but in English, a common reply is, “What do you mean ‘we’? Is there a mouse in your pocket?” I’m…
The summer months and the central Texas heat have arrived, and I feel indifferent about them. As someone with multiple sclerosis (MS) who experiences related heat intolerance, I try to avoid spending an extended amount of time outside. That saddens me because most of the summer fun occurs outdoors.
My family and I just returned from a vacation to the place I wrote about in my very first column for Multiple Sclerosis News Today, only not to the same house. I can’t make it up and down the stairs there anymore, so my wife found us a wheelchair-accessible…
I am not particularly hairy, but even having sparse and fine body hair pulled out by an adhesive is an unpleasant experience. During trauma training in a U.S. Army Special Forces medic course, we had to take turns pretending to be one another’s casualties, which involved a lot of tape…
Bouts of heightened anxiety come in forceful waves and hit me like a freight train. I live with a baseline level of anxiety, but at times, it worsens for no specific reason. All I know is that it’s one of the worst feelings. Anxiety is a common phenomenon in…
One of the most essential parts of living with multiple sclerosis (MS) is building support systems. They offer practical help, but better yet, they also consider and foster our emotional survival. MS is full of unknowns and can thus be characterized as unpredictable. But one thing we can predict…
It’s official: This is the year I aged — physically, emotionally, visibly. With menopause on the horizon and multiple sclerosis (MS) quietly lurking in the background, I’ve been thinking a lot about how best to care for my brain, body, and beyond. Aside from the 3 a.m. hot flash…
When presented with a drinking glass containing half the water it can hold, a pessimist would say that it’s half-empty while an optimist would say that the glass is half-full. A realist would probably demand to know who drank half of their water, and an idealist might simply be grateful…
My youngest child is home from college for the summer. She had a fantastic freshman year, or as I tell others, “She’s living her best life.” I missed her this past year in so many ways. She never went through the “bad” teenage years. She actually enjoys spending time with…
Who hasn’t found themselves in the following situation? A loose acquaintance, or even a total stranger, strikes up a conversation with you, and at first it’s just pleasant small talk. Then there’s the pause. Those of us who have been living with a disability for a while know what’s coming…
Of all of the cognitive functions that multiple sclerosis (MS) can affect, memory and processing issues have been my primary burdens. I’ve found them difficult to navigate and manage, especially when others don’t fully understand the extent to which they affect me. My MS-related cognitive impairments have resulted…
I had a visit with a local cardiologist recently. Since my 2017 retirement from the Army, I’ve had most of my medical care at the Department of Veterans Affairs and haven’t been to this particular practice for about eight years. Fortunately, the people there still remembered me. Unfortunately, the provider…
On May 10, surrounded by my loved ones, I received my Master of Arts in educational psychology from the University of Texas at Austin. As I heard the words of love and encouragement from my family and friends, I realized just how difficult my educational journey has been because of…
The balance issues associated with my multiple sclerosis (MS) are clearly visible to others. However, one of my more problematic MS symptoms is largely invisible, especially since I’ve developed strategies to minimize its effect on my functioning. This symptom is cognitive impairment, often referred to as “cognitive fog” or…
To say that I was the last person on Earth to get a smartphone would be a gross exaggeration. I was a little slow to adopt the technology back when it was new, but now, my phone seems to be my constant companion. It’s a little hard to think of…
Rest isn’t optional in this house. It’s practically an Olympic event! And I live with five feline competitors. They’re furry, opinionated, and deeply committed to the art of doing nothing, whether it’s melting into a patch of sunlight, sprawling across my keyboard, or staging a nightly takeover of the recliner.
Last week, something unexpected happened during one of my shared medical visits with patients. I wasn’t expecting shame to show up. We were deep in conversation about how a diagnosis can unravel a person’s identity and how grief often follows when our sense of self begins to slip away.
Even though I was too young to see the first three “Star Wars” films in theaters, I’ve watched them many, many times over the years. I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere, but here in the U.S., their enormous impact on pop culture is undeniable. Nearly everyone you meet…
Well, it’s that time of year again, and I’m not referring to allergy season or baseball. It’s time for my MRI to evaluate my multiple sclerosis (MS). For the last three years, I was getting an MRI every 18 months. But at my last visit I saw a…
Before I received my relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis in 2016, I underwent a standard MRI exam, with and without contrast, that scanned my brain, thorax, and cervical spine. I’d never had an MRI before this one. I was vaguely familiar with what the machine looked like, but it’s…
This past weekend, my partner and I went for a walk to soak up what might be the last of the pleasant weather before the sun begins to melt Florida. Since my hip revision, I’ve struggled to make movement a consistent habit as my right leg remains a little…
I’m sure the same thing happens in a lot of professions, but combat medics, which I was, often zoom in on the job at hand and lose sight of everything else. I know that when I was treating a casualty, I’d sometimes get in the zone and lose track of…
In recent months, I’ve attended a couple events in large stadiums. Last December, I went to the Music City Bowl college football game in Nashville, Tennessee, where Mizzou (the University of Missouri) beat the Iowa Hawkeyes. I also saw a Justin Timberlake concert at the T-Mobile Center in Kansas City,…
When I learned to cook, I didn’t attend a class or have formal lessons. I learned the basics as a child from my mother in our home kitchen. At first, everything was structured: follow the recipe to the letter, precisely measure everything, and use only the recommended tools for a…
I remember the day of my relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis diagnosis, when I didn’t understand the weight of what I’d been told. I was only 17 years old and didn’t know what questions to ask, what the future held, or what I should’ve felt after hearing those words. Aside from feeling…
April showers bring May flowers. However, I do not have a green thumb. No matter how hard I try, I continuously seem to murder my plants. My mom, on the other hand, is an avid gardener. When my plants show signs of distress, I take them to her for remedial…
In an Army surveillance course I took in the spring of 2010, which I wrote about last year, I learned more than just the fact that I had a noticeable limp. For instance, on the first day, we had a class on simple ways to alter your appearance when…
I knew that starting my college journey in a a different city, less than a year after receiving my relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (RRMS) diagnosis, would be challenging because I didn’t fully understand what was happening in my body. Even though my college, the University of Texas at Austin,…
Recently, my work-life balance felt off, so I took the opportunity to house-sit a family farm. I needed the solitude — the peace and quiet — to recharge. While there, I watched a flock of 50 to 60 goldfinches gather at the bird feeders daily. Their communal nature fascinated me,…