Columns Fall Down, Get Up Again- a Column by John Connor An Interview With My Primary Carer An Interview With My Primary Carer by John Connor | December 10, 2021 Share this article: Share article via email Copy article link Iāve been meaning to do this for a while. My wife, Jane, whoās also my primary MS carer, went away for a few days last week, and with absence making the heart grow fonder and all that, I thought Iād strike ā if she came back! Fortunately, she did, but I somehow doubt she wanted to. Paranoia? Nah. It was among the first things she told me upon her return. When I floated the idea of interviewing her, she said she’d only agree if I did it professionally. So, I put my journo hat on and started. “Jane, can I just check the spelling of your surname, please?” “Jane D-A-V-I-E-S,” she replied dryly. Hey, this was a pro start. Only a rube doesn’t get the basics right. Recommended Reading December 7, 2021 News by Marisa Wexler, MS Worsening of Disability Evident in Older Patients Who Stop DMTs “You never liked nursing,” I said. “So, what was it like to go from zilch to dealing with a lump like me?” “Well, I didnāt go from zilch. Iāve had two kids that I nursed or looked after when they were sick or emotionally upset. Also, if you remember, I looked after my aunt in Wales when she was dying, doing everything she needed. I then helped with my mum and my dad at the end of their lives. Luckily, Iām from a big family, so the load was shared. Your diagnosis was in 2009, so this was all while I was dealing with your deteriorating condition!” As usual, Iāve been put in my place. Which is especially galling, as I have to be put in both my power wheelchair and my bed. Grrr. Fortunately, my real deterioration only occurred after those awful events. “At the moment, we seem to be on a plateau,” Jane continued. “Youāre not getting substantially worse, and [your MS] is relatively well-managed. Weāve now got the support of the carers coming in every day. The main change is the lack of freedom. [I went from being] relatively well-traveled and going where the mood takes me, to suddenly having to be here every day till noon. Itās also quite physically demanding getting you out of and back into bed. Next question!” “How do you deal emotionally with a husband whoās now in your care?” I asked. “Emotionally, with great annoyance. [laughs] Because [I’m] dealing with your personality. I always try to do the best for you, so youāre not in pain, discomfort, frightened, or whatever. But you havenāt changed. If anything, youāve gotten slightly more irritating. And thatās difficult, as you were pretty irritating to start with. Itās hard now because a lot of our lives is just about care. Which is very different from before. We were both pretty independent people with our own interests. “Sorry, what was the question? Emotionally? By staying very calm. Which I am, generally. Even when thereās a major problem to deal with, like you dropping your bag!” Me, overreact? Irritating, moi? Thereās no photo. The interview was pushing my luck. My wife has never been one for such fripperies. I might be annoying, but even I know my limits ā unlike Jane, who used this opportunity to moan about me for two hours! A great punchline, if only I had the temerity to write it. Thankfully for both of us, Jane did. *** Note:Ā Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those ofĀ Multiple Sclerosis News TodayĀ or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis. Print This Page About the Author John Connor In the ā80s, John Connor created the first regular column about the burgeoning London stand-up scene. In 1990 he wrote a book about its effect on the Edinburgh Festival: āComics: A Decade of Comedy at the Assembly Rooms.ā That year he also devised and ran a live topical stand-up team show at The London Comedy Store, The Edge (It was destroyed in 2020!). In 2009 John was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting MS, which cut short his main job as a TV casting director for āBlack Books,ā āMy Family,ā et al. Now, John writes āFall Down Get Up Again,ā an irreverent journey with MS. Tags caregiver, interview, marriage Comments Broughton Leanne I think Jane is the exception. Bravo to Jane. I was a nurse, now the patient. I am still relatively independent. I have unfortuneately passed all the jobs around the house to my husband eg vacuuming, grocery shopping, feeding the dog, meal prep etc. Reply John Connor SOZ - last line should read: All inside jobs have now landed on my wife including looking after me!!!! Reply John Connor Luckily we'd both worked hard in an industry that was relatively well paid. Hence my outside jobs like hedge/grass cutting & pool boy r now done by pros. Unfortunate as pool stuff is v. expensive, Still, the pool is now always in tip, top condition. Garden has never looked better. All inside jobs r no gave landed on my wife' included now looking after me!!!! Reply Leave a comment Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published. Your Name Your Email Your Comment Post Comment
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