Flocking together: Finding freedom through community

Recently, my work-life balance felt off, so I took the opportunity to house-sit a family farm. I needed the solitude — the peace and quiet — to recharge. While there, I watched a flock of 50 to 60 goldfinches gather at the bird feeders daily. Their communal nature fascinated me, so I did a little reading on these bright yellow birds.

Goldfinches, I learned, don’t defend a territory once they’ve started a family, which is unlike most birds. Instead, they move freely within their flock, relying on connection and interaction for survival. They are social birds, flocking together in winter and amiably sharing resources year-round.

As I observed them, I reflected on something long resisted in my own life: my need for others’ help and the power of community. For years, I believed independence meant doing everything on my own, without support or accommodation of any kind. But as I reflected last month on my journey with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis, I realized that freedom isn’t about isolation. It’s about connection. Communication and community aren’t just superfluities; they’re lifelines.

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For nearly a decade, I lived in the illusion of self-sufficiency and chasing after absolute autonomy. After I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) as a high school junior, I quickly learned that visible weakness invited harsh judgments. So I did what I thought was necessary: I hid. My life became a carefully calculated and staged performance. People saw me on my good days; they didn’t witness the exhaustion, the pain, or the days I couldn’t get out of bed.

In college, I perfected the art of concealment. If I needed help walking, for example, I leaned on an umbrella rather than a cane. I declined invitations when I knew my body wouldn’t cooperate, making excuses rather than disclosing the truth. I was ashamed to show my struggle as I thought independence was the epitome of strength.

But MS has a way of dismantling illusions.

By 2015, my health refused to stay hidden. Some days, severe pain from trigeminal neuralgia left me homebound, or pain medications left me in a cog fog, unable to think clearly. Other days, with severe spasticity in my arm and shoulder, I needed help with basic self-care. I couldn’t stage-manage my life anymore. And amid that loss, somehow, my greatest fear became my saving grace: I had no choice but to reach out.

Liberated into connections

For the first time in a decade, I shared my truth publicly. I sent out an SOS on social media acknowledging where I was, how I was struggling, and what I needed for the next steps. I’d decided to pursue a hematopoietic stem cell transplant (HSCT), but I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

To my surprise, instead of the judgment I’d feared, I was met with overwhelming support. Friends, family, and even strangers came together to help pave the way to make this treatment possible. Multiple fundraisers were hosted, prayers were lifted, and support I never expected was offered. I even had a couple of people volunteer to go with me to Moscow, one of whom I hadn’t met before.

That was when I started debating what true freedom actually means. Perhaps it isn’t solitary. It isn’t the myth of complete self-reliance that I had clung to for so long. True freedom, I decided, is relational; it emerges from the connections we forge and the support we both give and receive.

MS is relentless, unpredictable, and often isolating. But communication is a lifeline. Community is a safety net. I spent years believing that asking for help would confine me when, in reality, it expanded my world. It gave me options, relief, and, most of all, the understanding that I was never meant to do this alone.

Now, nearly eight years after my HSCT, I’m still relapse-free. But the most lasting transformation wasn’t physical; it was in how I see my relationships. Independence isn’t about refusing help. It’s about knowing we’re not alone.

The goldfinches thrive by leaning on each other, moving through life together, and finding strength in numbers.

Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month, which was held in March, was a reminder that we, too, are stronger together. I’m forever grateful for all the support I received and now to be a part of this wonderful community at Bionews, the parent company of this website, which shares what life truly looks like with a range of chronic illnesses.

Whether through shared stories, support groups, or simply allowing a supportive hand, I hope others also realize that freedom comes from reaching out instead of struggling alone — and that strength can be found not in the absence of support, but in the presence of community.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.