Learning to listen as I wage a never-ending, silent battle with chronic pain

I am learning to have more patience with my body

Written by Desiree Lama | Sept. 30, 2026

With multiple sclerosis (MS), pain can sometimes be obvious, and sometimes it is something I carry quietly while I go about my day.

From the outside, I might look fine. I can have a conversation, answer emails, laugh with someone, or get through everything I need to do, but that does not mean my body is cooperating with me behind the scenes. With chronic pain, you can be functioning and hurting at the same time.

Some days, my body hurts for no apparent reason. It doesn’t necessarily happen in one specific place or in a way I can easily explain, but it happens in a way that makes everything feel a little harder. Simple things like getting comfortable can take effort. Sitting for too long can make my body complain. Moving around can feel different than it did the day before. And sometimes I’m just tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.

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Listening to my body

Trying to figure out what my body needs and asking a million questions leads to mental exhaustion. Do I need to slow down? Should I push through? Will resting help, or will I wake up feeling just as uncomfortable tomorrow? Most of the time, there are no clear answers, and I sometimes get frustrated with my own body because it feels like we are on opposite sides.

I miss being able to make plans without wondering how I will feel when the time comes. I miss not having to think about whether something will leave me exhausted or uncomfortable afterward. I miss the version of myself that could simply do something without first calculating the physical cost.

Living with pain has forced me to rethink what productivity and strength look like. Sometimes strength looks like getting things done despite the pain. Other times, it looks like recognizing that I have reached my limit and allowing myself to stop.

But listening to my body is not the same as giving up. Resting is not laziness, changing plans is not failure, and taking a slower day does not erase everything I accomplished on the days when I was able to do more.

I don’t think I will ever completely stop wishing my body felt different, but I am learning to have more patience with the body I have. Even on the days when it hurts, this is still the body carrying me through my life. And sometimes, that deserves a little more kindness than I have given it.

Note: Multiple Sclerosis News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Multiple Sclerosis News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to multiple sclerosis.

Desiree Lama

About the Author

is a 20-something-year-old PhD student living in Austin, Texas. She was diagnosed with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis during high school at only 17 years old but began experiencing symptoms at 14. Since a young age, she has found a safe haven in writing because her grandma fostered her love for words and learning. Desiree lives her life through being authentically human in a superficial world. In this column, she will share personal memos of being a disabled, bisexual Mexican woman in an overcritical world. Desiree hopes that this column will encapsulate the captivatingly burdensome feelings of human existence, especially for those living with MS.